We raise girls to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We tell girls ‘you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man……
We teach girls shame – close your legs, cover yourself!! We make them feel as though by being born female they’re already guilty of something. And so girls grow up to be a woman who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up – and this is the worst thing we do to girls – they grow up to be women who turn pretense into an art form. ~Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Today I found this very beautiful story from a dad to his daughter’s new family on Social Meems. So I’m sharing it with you. Happy reading!
I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!
I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!
She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!
If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!
I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy.
Dear son-in-law, these words may not mean much to you now but if you are lucky enough to father a daughter someday, you will appreciate them better when you will find every beat of your heart shouting – “please keep her happy”!
This video is priceless (totally not what I expected)! Laughter! What person doesn’t want to go to Disney World?!!! They must be insane or something [laughing hysterically]. But after seeing this video your heart will break. It will have total compassion for the little person that doesn’t feel the same as most of the world when it comes to visiting the most famous place of all. Disney World!
3 But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the LORD.
Jonah 1:3
This is Throwback Thursday! So! I’m reposting one of my favorite posts. I first shared this video on June 15, 2014, at 6:45 am. It appears 7 years later I will be reposting this wonderful video around the same time.
So much has happened within those seven years of living life. I’ve lost my mom. I’ve become a great grandmother! I’m told my oldest grandson’s girlfriend is having twins. My children are doing great, making wonderful lives for themselves. Two wonderful women have been added to my family, along with a host of new friends and family members. And all of that good stuff can’t compare to my spiritual growth. I’m over the moon concerning my spiritual journey. It has been tough and often I’ve felt like throwing in the towel but . . . OMG! My life is on fire because of my spiritual awakening! And this repost can’t be more appropriate when it comes to sharing what I learned from my latest lesson.
LESSON LEARNED: God loves everyone, including our enemies and people that come across as unlovable. He expects us to show those that are lost or have lost their way compassion. Our actions will light the path for His love and mercy to become healing ointments. Bottom line! God wants all of us to be saved despite our differences. Let’s pray!
PRAYER
Lord, my recent private prayer request was that you cover my enemies with your blood. I wanted the blood of Jesus to open their understanding. Allowing them to see they were their greatest obstacle when it came to not getting money bequeath to them. But how can they see when everyone spiritually in their life is superficial. Show me how to pray for them. There is nothing worse than being lost in the maze of life. Amen
PARAGRAPH FROM 2014
I have been in church for nearly 53 years. And I have never heard the story of Jonah with so much feeling. Mary Margaret is full of passion for telling this great story. Her passion causes her to be very (and I do mean very) animated. Enjoy this cute little girl telling the story of Jonah.
A young woman told her mother about her life and how things were so hard. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She then pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what do you see?”
“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, Mother?”
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity — boiling water — but each reacted differently. The carrot went in
strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of your life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level?
How do you handle adversity? Are you changed by your surroundings or do you bring life, flavor, to them?
This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.
I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.” Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.
Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me. I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young. [chuckle]
I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that. But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted. And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’
As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.
I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.
Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day. I was shocked! It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!
Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17
The message I get from this passage is: don’t be so darn clingy! Get a life! Explore parts of your life without others. Enjoy family when can. And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.
I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom. My grandmother has passed but her words live on. And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom. I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.
The First Thanksgiving, painting by Jean Louis Gerome Ferris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
With Thanksgiving quickly approaching I am at a lost for a dinner menu.
Honestly, I am so over turkey and dressing, collard greens, black-eyed peas, mashed potatoes covered in turkey gravy, corn, candy yams and sweet potato-pie with a dollop of cool-whip. But if I met one person that has never feasted on such a lavish Thanksgiving meal I would find the strength to prepare it and cultivate an appetite to eat it once again.
Yesterday my cousin Theresa told me I was not the person she once knew. She said, “You’ve changed.” She went on to express how she remembered my tearful outbursts and moments later how I would be extremely happy, or short-tempered. Honestly, I had forgotten those moments and the young woman that felt life was not worth living. And I find it spiritually amazing how God will allow others to remind you of days gone by. And how the kindness of others helped transformed your life during difficult moments. As a result of my transformation I am grateful for all things.
So today I am taking the time to search for and post inspiring messages to help someone along the way. If the message I share is not for you please pass it on. You never know who will need words of encouragement. So to kick off my inspirational Friday messages is the below video of a businessman’s compassion for humanity.
Lord for the past couple of weeks I have notice people searching for prayers on low self-esteem. So today Lord I bring those that suffer from lack of confidence to you. Lord I am asking you to help them overcome whatever stole their self-assurance. Lord I’m asking you to gently speak in their ear that if they had been the only person in the world, you would have come from Heaven and saved them alone. Lord, I’m praying today that they understand they are special and you love them much more than any mortal man. I’m asking Lord that you wrap your loving spiritual arms around them. Allow their wounded souls to nestle in your spiritual being and take comfort in your ability to heal. I’m asking Lord that you give them hope by affirming them as only you can. I’m asking Lord that you give them a spirit to forgive the person or persons that have hurt them as they move on with life.
Lord please help them to understand you want us to have good thoughts, and that includes how we feel about ourselves. For Psalm 19:14 states:
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
Yesterday a friend posted on Facebook she had to cut her long beautiful hair. Apparently this has been a year that has tried her soul. Medically she has opted for chemo and feels she is hanging onto life as she knows it.
Within her personal message she wrote she didn’t want us to feel sorry for her; but it is hard to be joyful when your friend is fighting to live. It is even harder to be joyful when the illnesses of others make you question your own mortality. So today I wrote a prayer for her and it is called “A Kiss from Heaven.”
A Kiss from Heaven
A kiss from Heaven is what I prayed for you.
I wanted you to know that God will see you through.
He knew you would lose your hair,
But a kiss from Heaven will show His care.
A kiss from Heaven is what I prayed for you.
I asked for God to kiss you at half-passed two.
God said He has already kissed you
And I know His kiss will heal you too.
A kiss from Heaven is what I ask for God to do,
So you will see His love shining through.
I asked that He give your skin a glow
So you will know He still runs the show.
A kiss from Heaven is what I prayed for you.
When I felt you might become a tad thin too.
I want God to let you know you are going to win,
Because He gives you courage from within.
A kiss from Heaven is what I prayed for you.
So when you feel down with sorrow
I want God to let you know He holds your tomorrows.
A kiss from Heaven is what I’m praying for you.
About a week ago on a Facebook page I follow titled “White Men Who Love Their Black Women” the administrator posted the following:
I over heard a conversation among several White women today and they were talking about a couple of girls that didn’t seem threatening to them when it came to getting men or their boyfriends. Within the conversation they mentioned some things that they knew these girls possessed that made them seemingly, “less attractive”. The 1st notable remark that was made was the fact that one of the girls was heavy set—that almost automatically took her out of the game (according to these women). The 2nd comment was that another one of the girls was “universally unattractive” (according to them NO ONE would ever deem her pretty under anyone’s microscope). But the grand finale of a statement that was made that the last girl was Black—yes BLACK—that was why she didn’t pose a threat . These White women seemed to think that their White skin ordained them to be a peck above Black women getting White men just because they were White. My thing is this: I’m good as any girl of any color and I’ll be damned to think that a girl just being White and me being Black would take me away from even being considered an option of a White guy or for that, White men! Questions? Comments?
Due to time restraints I could not make a comment. So today I sit and write my feelings about the brutal honesty of those that publicly spoke on less threatening women when it comes to them dating and them maintaining marital security.
Love comes in multiple colors with surmountable reasons for loving. Only shallow people with low self-esteem will build outwardly with bitter words for mortar a false wall of security. The women gathered at this loathing banquet walked away more empty before they sat to fellowship. It is clear to see these women are not busy living productive lives. Surely what they say or think about women they consider less than is irrelevant to the cause of women of color progressing in life, personally and professionally.
Let’s speak truth: It is not women of color that seek tanning salons to darken their skin. Our skin tone is a birthright given to all colored women by God genetically. Subjectively, if I had problems with people of African descent I would never tan. The process of tanning would be in such a situation as hypocritical. Because to me non-colored people who have problems with Black people due to darker skin pigmentation are jealous, simple-minded, human beings that should have their mouths tape shut. I am only speaking about non-colored people who dislike for the sake of disliking and using color as a scapegoat. IT IS NOT LOGICAL TO TAN WHEN YOU DESPISE OTHER PEOPLE FOR NATURALLY HAVING WHAT YOU PAY TO ACQUIRE! Suchactions provoke the question why are you making your skin the color of those you hate for having it!
As far as I am concern, I feel all people are beautiful . . .
And Black women do give to the rainbow of love. The only difference between Blacks and non-colored people are skin pigmentation’s. Outside of that! Nothing else is different when it comes to being human.
Sad to write, but unfortunately the White woman who made the harsh comment about Black women was correct based upon social stereotype. Therefore, at this point what is relevant and not irrelevant is how long it will take Black women to realize we must shift the way people think of us. We must show others as single people and as a group that we are worth dating and marrying (outside of our brown skin tones).
Women of color we need to change the dating and marring game to our home courts! We need to learn positive ways to effectively market us as people and a gender race group. We need to help other Black women that slipped through the cracks of life. We need to create dating and marring game plans that potential mates can understand; and in doing so we will inspire all men from all walks of life to crossover and play on our team as boyfriends and husbands. In addition, we need to first seek to understand so we will be understood.
I can only end that dating and marrying should be a personal choice. How a person arrives to dating this person or that person, and, or, marrying this person or that person again is a personal choice.
In my journey I have learned to cross over and date men from other races. To me the equipment all works the same despite hearsay! Laughter!
Have a great day! And remember Black women really do have it going on!
Black Women Have It Going On 