Yesterday the struggle was real! OMG! I can not believe I was having withdrawals from being on Facebook. Today is a little better but I still have urges to log into my social media account to see what is currently happening in my friends, family, loved ones and the world. But! I’m not going to give into my desire. Instead, I’m committing to cleaning my kitchen and eradicating my emotions from the baggage of others.
As God would have it I was faced with choices concerning my torn relationship with my grand daughter. She sees me as a negative in her life and never a friend or a person that cares deeply for her and her outcome. My truth telling has hurt her beyond her ability to see logic. As a result, she tell private things about me in order to gain some type of satisfaction in shaming me before others. As if shaming me will fix what really ills her soul. Well any who how . . . . She has drawn her line in the sand and set her boundaries. They are loud and clear. I must and will respect them. With that stated, I don’t think she realize once she made her choices her decisions created choices for me.
I wish her well. At the moment their can never be a point return. Sometimes you must cut the cancer out in order for the body to survive.
Seeing his number on caller ID made my day. As I viewed who was calling I deliberated should I tell him about my painful decision.
He lives hundreds of miles away. He’s happy with his relationship choice. He enjoys his job. He views life as it should be lived. One day at a time. He dislikes drama and avoid making comments when I’m in-raged about his older brother. So I wanted to stay clear of upsetting him.
He could tell something was wrong. I told him what happened. He was disappointed it came to the decision I made. He said something like this: “Well, mom, my brother must live his life. The loaning of this money is a lesson to everyone. If my brother doesn’t get the lesson, the lesson will continue to visit him until he gets it.”
Nugget from God:
It’s a good thing to help others that are in need. If they abuse the resources God sends or sent their way then life lessons will continue until they learn whatever they need to learn.
Lord each time I write or speak of the money that my son’s girlfriend refuses to repay I become upset. Today, Lord, I’m asking for God’s peace on a good deed that went bad. I want to move on. Help me find ways to replace what the locust have eaten. Amen
Today I lost my temper on my husband. He began yelling back. He yelling back at me only added fuel to the fire. But I kept yelling. And he kept ignoring me after he yelled sorry and then said, “I was only trying to help.” Normally his words during a heated moment would make right the wrong but this time . . . this time I was fed up with his misuse of the word sorry.
Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. James 5:14-15
Dear Heavenly Father:
Thank you once again for a day I have never seen before. Lord, I pray for the sick and the shut-in. I pray that you will comfort their hearts about
their life and health challenges. I pray that you will heal them so they can return taking care of themselves. But until you decided their outcome, I pray that you will send honest trustworthy people to help them. Amen.
It seems that every life form on this planet strives toward its maximum potential…except human beings. A tree does not grow to half its potential size and then say, “l guess that will do.” A tree will drive its roots as deep as possible. It will soak up as much nourishment as it can, stretch as high and as wide as nature will allow, and then look down as if to remind us of how much each of us could become if we would only do all that we can. ~Jim Rohn
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. — Paul The Apostle
When I was a child between the ages of four and eleven I was very envious of my cousins. To me they had the cookie cutter mom and the all American home life.
Their mom stayed home. And since my aunt didn’t work she was able to shower her children with love and guidance. On the other hand, my mom, her sister, was a working woman. My mom worked two jobs and she had little to no time for her children. Therefore, me and my siblings were forsaken the love, understanding, and guidance that came from healthy parenting.
My aunt was a woman that took her role as a mom seriously. Each of her children had swimming lessons one day and was taken to the library the next day. She was a mom that made sure dinner was cooked everyday. She was a mom that afforded her children the luxury to explore the heights of their imaginations. She was the kind of mom that all children wish they had but seldom got or get. And even though she was my aunt and a supermom I being her niece was living in parental poverty.
Parental poverty is a doorway that starves the mind from reaching its full life’s potential. Most times parental poverty emotionally starves children of healthy emotions, as it slowly sends the souls of children into hardship. It cripples children from learning and hampers childhood dreams. It cast shadows over the lives of children and makes them question their existence.
And, sadly, my poor mom never realized the full meaning of being a parent. She never really understood her role as a mom or a single mother. Therefore, she never figured out she was for a temporary moment the captain of her children’s lives. In her efforts to provide for her young she failed to see her children were starving for character building nourishment only a parent could give. And as I grew so did my expectations concerning how my mom should parent me.
I hated my mom for not parenting like her sister. I so desperately wanted to learn how to swim. But my mom’s obligation to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table kept her from fulfilling my wishes. And each time one of my child desires went unmet I began to nurture the love hate emotions I cultivated towards my mom.
I was never easy to get along with. I hated my parents and with the exception of my aunt Pearl and her children I hated the rest of my mom’s family. And most of all I hated being black, therefore, I hated my life. And because my mom lacked experience as a nurturer the demands to shelter and feed became a lethal combination.
My mom had no idea she was killing my spirit when she told others I was retarded. And hearing her unkind words cut deeply. But my will to survive was stronger than the words she expressed to others. My will to succeed was predestined and I knew that!
So when I was a child I made clear to self I was going to be someone special. I was going to give to myself what my mom never gave to me, and rebuild what her mean-spirited words had torn down. I was going to show my mom who was retarded!
My long awaited day of exoneration never came the way I thought. My mom has grown old and is now sickly. I became a parent that also made mistakes. And as my mom’s health continues to decline the thoughts of revenge are replaced with compassion. I no longer seek vindication nor does the thought of it appease my wounded soul. By realizing my mom did the best she could with the understanding she had my broken heart was healed. And in acknowledging her deficiency as my mom her overdrawn parental account is paid in full.
Lord, someone is low in spirits today. It seems as if their mental and emotional wheels are stuck in the mud and they can’t move. Everyday they wake to the challenge of overcoming sadness. Please help them to get going this morning. Please give them a reason to smile in the midst of adverse situations. Please help them create and put in motion healthy life plans to live happier lives. Amen