I am not going to be licked by tragedy, as life is a challenge, and we must carry on and work for the living as well as mourn for the dead.
Death couldn’t get any closer. The number of days were tallied for my beloved mom. She was 85 years old. I don’t know if my wish was selfish or not but, I her daughter wanted her to live beyond that number. If the Universe could have only given me one more year with her. But! Then I would want her to have another year after that. So, there was no winning with me for the Universe when it came to my mom dying. Because! I didn’t want her to die!
Love is a wonderful thing. And being my mom’s chosen and now court appointed personal representative robbed me of the rights to grieve her loss. Her death entered me into a battle when my thoughts were cloudy with grief.
People, oh the many of them, had planned my demise long before the “ole’ girl died.” And! After she died . . . They were hitting me from every imaginable and unimaginable angle! And should you become a personal representative the same could be awaiting for you! Especially if heirs are delusional to what they feel entitled. Therefore, don’t do crazy today. Do you!
Take a deep awaited sigh. Not a breath but a sigh. Put a photo of your loved one on your working station. Remember you were chosen because the deceased knew you could and would represent them well. Stand tall! And plant your thoughts in knowing everything you need is within you. And should you find yourself coming up short give the issues to your attorney.
1st Corinthians 15:13 states: Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Your word says “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.” Please help those that continue hanging out with people that aren’t good for them. Put your loving arms around them. Whisper in their ears that you love them and you want better for them. Open their eyes so they can see the true character of their so called friend(s). Give them your courage to leave and never look back. Amen
A couple of years back my husband and I loaned my son’s girlfriend five thousand dollars to purchase a car. We should have known when the first payment came due and she made no efforts to contact us or start repaying the monies she took that it would never be repaid.
Her actions aren’t unsettling as the actions of people that claim to like and love me are. Loaning her such a large amount of money purchased me life lesson’s I will never forget.
This is what I’ve learned:
Some kisses and hugs that come across as sentimental are fake even when they come from trusted family members and loved ones.
Not everyone rejoice when you strive for and gain financial security.
Not everyone wishes you well.
Promissory Notes don’t secure your efforts in retrieving monies loaned.
Only evil people pretend to love you,
and only jealous people are glad for your misfortune.
What happened to me was a Black on Black crime. She’s black. I’m Black. She took money she never meant to pay back.
Since that unfortunate moment I’ve learned about helping others, especially when I’m also in need of financial help.
The money she kept was money that would have paid upcoming and expected bills.
My husband and I paid an expensive price for the lesson I needed to learn. If there’s a silver-lining in all of this I venture to write, I’m the better for what took place because I learned many things about “man’s inhumanity to man.”
Yesterday I was in a part of Denver I rarely pass through but my cousin wanted me to go with her to Downing Supermarket [that nasty place].
I’m not sure why my cousin won’t go to a meat market in our area and order smoke neck bones and frozen greens but she doesn’t. I think she likes hanging out from time to time with the roughnecks of the world. Not me.
Well, anywhohow, I was waiting at the meat counter with my cousin for her turn to be helped. As I was standing there my nose was wrinkled at the unappealing meat in the display case. It looked nothing like the meat I purchase at the local supermarkets nor at meat markets. So, yes, inwardly I question it and its origin.
Thinking to self I said “I wouldn’t purchase this meat.” Well my thoughts weren’t savory. Knowing me, I had a few cuss words somewhere in my mental thoughts. But, don’t worry, I’m asking God to help me with my cussing.
Anywho, a pre-teen was bouncing around the customers. Her parents said nothing to her about her early adolescence behavior. So she moved from here to there and then she bounced herself face to face with me and we locked eyes. Our encounter was brief but the eye to eye contact made her uneasy. Unbeknown to me, she conveyed her feelings to her parents.
So minutes later I walked back from an area closest to the meat counter and saw a sign about fresh eggs. I stood reading it.
When I turned back towards the meat counter the little girls dad said, “Hello.” I exchanged what I thought was pleasantries. Not! The next thing I knew the man says, “Why are you looking at my daughter.”
I was truly caught off guard. So I said, I wasn’t looking at your daughter, I was reading that sign but I can look at her if you want me too!”
I guess my response caught the young man off guard as his insulting question initially caught me off mine.
You could tell he wasn’t easy about me being around his daughter but his feeling were fuel by paranoia that is feed by the community within they live. It was clear to see from my behavior his world wasn’t my world.
Until now, I was oblivious to his world. I was passing through and had no plans of returning. So the people within it really never mattered. I thought! But! God works in mysterious ways.
I praise God for keeping me safe because that young hotheaded gang member could have killed me. I praise Him for allowing me to see the need He has prepared me to assist Him in fulfilling. I praise Him for the avenues He’s going to open for me to help His people. I praise Him for just being God! My Heavenly father and redeemer! Amen!
Yesterday, I was very upset. It seems the lies my family have shared with those that would listen were believed. And what came to mind during this brief moment was something I was once told. “Everyone deserves their good name.” That statement holds true for the person that ruined yours. Yet, the part of you that protects and loves you wants to seek revenge despite the truth.
In Humility Matters the author writes:
“An angry reaction is to use words that harm another. Calumny is to speak about another and harm his or her good name. It might be a truthful fact but not necessary for me to promulgate. Slander is to actually speak and promote lies about another and testify false things about another as if they were true. Everyone deserves a good name, and for us to devalue another has an irrevocable and damaging effect on that person’s social well-being. Calumny and slander, however, most harm me because I falsely put myself above the other either in judgment or in vanity. My own being is tarnished. If I do this, I am not to be trusted. If I am not trustworthy, I forfeit the honor of bearing witness.”
And tho my name has been ruined I must find ways to bury old feelings. I must figure out another way to detach from those that ruined my name in the first place. I must finish the task that opened this door of reality of the affects of people ruining my good name; so, I can continue of the path of living a joy filled life.
Sometimes it seems there are just two types of women. There are destiny’s darlings, those lucky ones sent into the world prepared and primed for this lifetime — born knowing their destiny. you hear about such women; they always knew they were meant to create, to lead, to mend broken lives or broken bones; to perform, to teach, to guide a thoroughbred to a first-place finish.
Sometimes I wonder if I was born to be a “destiny’s darlings” and life events redirected my choices and I became one of those women Sarah described as “doomed from our kindergarten report cards to go stumbling toward our destiny. Often unfocused and fidgety. Tendency to stare dreamily into space. Side-tracked and scattered. Stubborn! Too sensitive for her own good; feelings easily hurt. However, plays nicely with others.”
As I reflect on a conversation with a young woman I’m in agreeance with Sarah “We’d love to think that our life’s journey is linear, but we stumble in fits and starts on our way to authenticity.”
I’m afraid too many people, including myself, look to others for success proof answers to living a life that only we can design.
An unbelieved truth can hurt a man much more than a lie. It takes great courage to back truth unacceptable to our times. There’s a punishment for it, and it’s usually crucifixion. —John Steinbeck, East of Eden
Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you…yet, someone survived…You can do anything you choose to do. – Maya Angelou