Today I got a question asking if my husband’s daughter got the email we sent her nearly a week ago. Yes, she got the email and with her dad’s permission I’m posting her response.
I am not upset at all. Every statement is the truth. I know that about myself. I put unrealistic expectations on Jake. A friend of mine (who likes to counsel me for free) helped me see through the crap that I believe should be true. She helped me realize that I was spoon fed to be totally dependant on a man and he should take care of your every need. You shouldn’t have to work and you should be in tons of debt to reach that ‘American dream.’ The exact line is..’you aren’t a real member of society unless..’ And for so long I have believed that. I am 22 years old and have a monstrous amount of debt because I was told at a young age that that is how you are successful. No, it makes you stressed arena sick. There are ways to have those great things, like a house or a new car, without being overcome with a great amount of debt. It is called saving. Something Jake and I were never taught and are trying to teach ourselves now. It is very difficult. Because we were taught you weren’t anyone unless you have tons of material items. His step-dad is very materialistic. His mom isn’t but his step-dad, just like my mother, make you feel terrible about your accomplishments if they aren’t to their standards. I am working on my attitude everyday. Every morning I wake up and I think of something I am thankful for. I may not like my job but my coworke just gave me all of her Thursdays and my Fridays back. That means 30 hours a week instead of 10. And that means I will also quality for insurance through the union. I may hate getting up early but it keeps a roof over my head, it keeps food in my cabinets and so that I am able to buy Layla’s meds. I am working on not being too hard on Jake. That one is really hard because he isn’t great at staying on top of important things. And when he doesn’t stay on top of it it makes me feel like he has not been truthful with me. So many times in the past he has not been. We are working on it and d everyday is a new day.
Today I found this very beautiful story from a dad to his daughter’s new family on Social Meems. So I’m sharing it with you. Happy reading!
I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!
I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!
She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!
If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!
I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy.
Dear son-in-law, these words may not mean much to you now but if you are lucky enough to father a daughter someday, you will appreciate them better when you will find every beat of your heart shouting – “please keep her happy”!