Just a Personal Note to ‘Sleepless In Austin’ From A Black Woman

Photo taken from:  www.iluvblackpeople.com
Photo taken from: http://www.iluvblackpeople.com

WE ALL HAVE GLITCHES AND FLAWS IN OUR CHARACTER… Not one of us is perfect.  — RICK RENNER

Larry, I don’t even know where to start this personal message to you about your negative comments towards black people, overweight women, people who have tattoos, and sexual preferences.

Therefore, I guess I will begin with your blog comments about black women and black people.  (As a personal side note, actually as a black woman I thought your race specific comments were hysterically funny!  I don’t agree with them but I do think they were funny.  And I do mean they were entertaining).

I hate to bust your bubble but your words were not shocking.  I have heard some black people privately state the same about white people, and so forth and so on.  So when you openly expressed your thoughts on why you don’t date black women, or white women that have dated black men, I was not in shock.  Mainly, because, as quite as it has been kept there are people from every race, class, and creed that feel the same as you.  And sad to write, I was once among those people who felt races should not mix.

Therefore, I’m writing, “You go boy!”  You took courage by the tail of ignorance and put your person in the line of social-fire!  Gosh!  Dude!  What the heck were you thinking when you created your website looking for love!

I’m sure your lack of intimacy with a woman that loves being with you speared you on to create a blog that makes you looks like a total jerk-face to a lot of people.  Surprisingly, as a woman of color, I see you totally different.  I see you as a man that wrote what he felt to find conditional love.  And it didn’t matter to you the feelings you publicly and socially hurt in the process, as long as you got the woman of your dreams.  Right.

Larry,

  • It’s okay that you don’t find black women physically attractive.
  • It’s okay to say you think black people are disgusting to look upon.
  • It’s okay to say black people look like animals.
  • It’s okay that you don’t want a woman who has slept with black men.
  • It’s okay to say races should not mix.
  • It’s okay to say you like everything pink on your mate.
  • It’s okay that you don’t want an overweight woman.
  • It’s okay that you don’t want a woman who has tattoos.
  • It’s okay to call certain types of white people trash.
  • It is even okay to express you don’t want a woman who has engaged in group sex.
  • And it’s okay to date women without children.

Personally, I don’t agree with your views.  I believe every person should live and let live (as why I didn’t and don’t take your comments about black women and black people to heart).

But the problem came once you publicly stated those things in search of conditional love.  Most people, especially a successful business person, with an ounce of social decorum would have posted the positive attributes of what they’re looking for in a mate.  Later within a private setting they would discard names, emails, and phone numbers of those that didn’t fit their criteria.  Do you get the picture!

Instead, you wrote racial propaganda about why you do not date black women; and supported your views by stating non-blacks should not mix the races if it involves black people.   Larry, your shallow statement “I think that all races were created equal” was an afterthought to soften the blow of your inhumane statements on people of color.

Don’t back down now man . . . tell the world how you truly feel about black folks!

Larry!  Hello!  What planet are you from!  What planet are you living on!  And how can you look at yourself in the mirror every day with your extreme racial views and say you are not a racist.  Shakespeare once wrote, “This above all:  to thine own self be true.”  Larry, I hate to break the news to you buddy but your statements are racial; thus, painting you as a racist.  And anyone telling you otherwise is blowing smoke up your heinie.  Laughter!

Larry, as a woman of color, I truly wish you all the best in finding the woman you feel you deserve.  And remember . . .

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. ~Mark Twain

Black Women Must Raise The Acheivement Bar For Black Men

Photo taken from "The Examiner"
Photo taken from “The Examiner”

Several weeks ago someone posted a mock question about a woman dating a man in prison.  I and many  others responded.  In addition, I also blogged about the question.  I noticed my answer and a few others were passed over and did not receive any thumbs up!  But the below answers received at least 2 or more likes:

If he’s going to be out soon, I would continue to befriend him but make no commitments until he comes out and lives the new life he is claiming. I’m sure you’ve been told this but it’s easier to submit and do the right thing when you have no other choice and the temptation is not there. The real test will be when he gets out. Take your time and date him when he comes home act like you are meeting the new him for the 1st time and get to know the new him.

First of all, you really dont know anymore than what he is telling you. Now there is a thing called jailhouse religion, so be very careful. As for as the diploma goes, that aint nothing new either. Just take your time and as Chase stated, give him 6-12 month on the outside. Love is funny but the hurt that came come with it, well baby that aint no JOKE!!!

Girlfriend being locked up or having your freedom taken away is a humbling experience for anyone. Unfortunately some people only turn to the bible when they get into situations beyond their control. But regardless of when he turned as long as he acknowledges the word of God and establishes a spiritual relationship for himself, God can give him the peace wisdom and understanding to seek his will and way for his life. No one better in this world than you can answer this question, if you are making the right decision? It’s your choice. If you are willing to settle with someone who has obviously done some things to afford his freedom to be taken away, and you feel, he will no longer, once he gets his freedom again, do those things, and you care enough to believe in his ability to change and do right by you and the law, do what makes you happy, but don’t be naïve in your decision, weigh your pro’s and con’s, and be sure that is what you want, it’s your life and you will have to live with your decision. Take care, Be Blessed!

And this one really took the cake.

Yeah just pray

But the one from a man was not surprising!

Sister. NOTHING redeems a brother getting out of “lock” like a woman that’s stod by him,and encouraged him to be a better person. That’s one of a billion reasons we love yall! However,give him some time to walk the walk that he,s talking. If he shows signs of reverting back to “old behaviors”,admonish him with the word of God first..and then your personal feelings. If he doesn’t show signs of positive,continued growth,you may have to step back abit..give him something to aspire to. Good luck,and God bless you both! P.S. I once was..but now am..a new creature in Christ! (from prison to Praise!)

Each reply is confirmation to a single and lonely Black woman that it is okay to date any-old-thang!  I just gotta ask.  Black women what are you thinking?  Really!  It appears no one thought to ask “What is wrong with this picture.”  The projected imagery the question posed for a Black woman dating an inmate was a slap in the face.

In college we did many mock questions.  Several of them were intense.  One of them involved a husband/expected father that had several burdens when it came to deciding the fate of his dying wife and his unborn child.  But the question submitted on my Facebook page for Black women was insulting because of the low expectations for women of color.

From each response it was clear to see no one thought to ask the “Five W’s.”  Who, what, when, where, and why.  However, in everyone’s defense we knew who, we knew when, and we even knew where.  But again no one stopped to ask ‘what is wrong with this picture’ and why would a woman date someone in jail?

I’m sure my questions come across as having the “better than” attitude, but I’m not.  I have learned over the years to reach for the stars; and that includes the men I choose to share my life with.  Therefore, I began my response with, “Why is this woman dating a man behind bars?”  Because as I see things, I’m sorry but a man incarcerated is not a good dating choice.  As a woman that promotes advancement for color women I would have never posed such a question for Black women to entertain.

Black women in order for our men to advance with us we must raise the bar.  Until the bar of expectation is raised our Black men will continue to fail in education, fail to gain employment, fail in dating, fail in marriage, fail in spiritual wholeness, fail in parenthood, and fail as being mentors for men that have lost their way in life.  Other words, if they go to jail for bad behaviors don’t reward them by dating them in jail.  And for goodness sake refrain from corresponding with them they have family.

Let me be the first to admit, I think it is sad that many Black men are living their life behind bars.  I think it is even sadder when Black women are comfortable with entertaining the idea of dating incarcerated men.

Personally, I would rather cross the color line and date a successful man from another race than settle for someone that undoubtedly have social issues.

Black Women Do Contribute to The Rainbow of Love

Photo Taken From:  www.tumblr.com
Photo Taken From: http://www.tumblr.com

About a week ago on a Facebook page I follow titled “White Men Who Love Their Black Women” the administrator posted the following:

I over heard a conversation among several White women today and they were talking about a couple of girls that didn’t seem threatening to them when it came to getting men or their boyfriends. Within the conversation they mentioned some things that they knew these girls possessed that made them seemingly, “less attractive”. The 1st notable remark that was made was the fact that one of the girls was heavy set—that almost automatically took her out of the game (according to these women). The 2nd comment was that another one of the girls was “universally unattractive” (according to them NO ONE would ever deem her pretty under anyone’s microscope). But the grand finale of a statement that was made that the last girl was Black—yes BLACK—that was why she didn’t pose a threat . These White women seemed to think that their White skin ordained them to be a peck above Black women getting White men just because they were White. My thing is this: I’m good as any girl of any color and I’ll be damned to think that a girl just being White and me being Black would take me away from even being considered an option of a White guy or for that, White men! Questions? Comments?

Due to time restraints I could not make a comment.  So today I sit and write my feelings about the brutal honesty of those that publicly spoke on less threatening women when it comes to them dating and them maintaining marital security.

Love comes in multiple colors with surmountable reasons for loving.  Only shallow people with low self-esteem will build outwardly with bitter words for mortar a false wall of security.  The women gathered at this loathing banquet walked away more empty before they sat to fellowship.  It is clear to see these women are not busy living productive lives.  Surely what they say or think about women they consider less than is irrelevant to the cause of women of color progressing in life, personally and professionally.

Let’s speak truth:  It is not women of color that seek tanning salons to darken their skin.  Our skin tone is a birthright given to all colored women by God genetically.   Subjectively, if I had problems with people of African descent I would never tan.  The process of tanning would be in such a situation as hypocritical.  Because to me non-colored people who have problems with Black people due to darker skin pigmentation are jealous, simple-minded, human beings that should have their mouths tape shut.  I am only speaking about non-colored people who dislike for the sake of disliking and using color as a scapegoat.  IT IS NOT LOGICAL TO TAN WHEN YOU DESPISE OTHER PEOPLE FOR NATURALLY HAVING WHAT YOU PAY TO ACQUIRE!  Such actions provoke the question why are you making your skin the color of those you hate for having it!  

As far as I am concern, I feel all people are beautiful . . .

And Black women do give to the rainbow of love.  The only difference between Blacks and non-colored people are skin pigmentation’s.  Outside of that!  Nothing else is different when it comes to being human.

Sad to write, but unfortunately the White woman who made the harsh comment about Black women was correct based upon social stereotype.  Therefore, at this point what is relevant and not irrelevant is how long it will take Black women to realize we must shift the way people think of us.  We must show others as single people and as a group that we are worth dating and marrying (outside of our brown skin tones).

Women of color we need to change the dating and marring game to our home courts!  We need to learn positive ways to effectively market us as people and a gender race group.  We need to help other Black women that slipped through the cracks of life.  We need to create dating and marring game plans that potential mates can understand; and in doing so we will inspire all men from all walks of life to crossover and play on our team as boyfriends and husbands.  In addition, we need to first seek to understand so we will be understood.

I can only end that dating and marrying should be a personal choice.  How a person arrives to dating this person or that person, and, or, marrying this person or that person again is a personal choice.

In my journey I have learned to cross over and date men from other races.  To me the equipment all works the same despite hearsay!  Laughter!

Have a great day!  And remember Black women really do have it going on!