Don’t Judge My Mom

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. — Paul The Apostle


 

My mom Gloria Mae - Photographer:  Unknown
My mom Gloria Mae – Photographer: Unknown

When I was a child between the ages of four and eleven I was very envious of my cousins.  To me they had the cookie cutter mom and the all American home life.

Their mom stayed home.  And since my aunt didn’t work she was able to shower her children with love and guidance.  On the other hand, my mom, her sister, was a working woman.  My mom worked two jobs and she had little to no time for her children.  Therefore, me and my siblings were forsaken the love, understanding, and guidance that came from healthy parenting.

My aunt was a woman that took her role as a mom seriously.  Each of her children had swimming lessons one day and was taken to the library the next day.  She was a mom that made sure dinner was cooked everyday.  She was a mom that afforded her children the luxury to explore the heights of their imaginations.  She was the kind of mom that all children wish they had but seldom got or get.  And even though she was my aunt and a supermom I being her niece was living in parental poverty.

Parental poverty is a doorway that starves the mind from reaching its full life’s potential.  Most times parental poverty emotionally starves children of healthy emotions, as it slowly sends the souls of children into hardship.   It cripples children from learning and hampers childhood dreams.  It cast shadows over the lives of children and makes them question their existence.

And, sadly, my poor mom never realized the full meaning of being a parent.  She never really understood her role as a mom or a single mother.  Therefore, she never figured out she was for a temporary moment the captain of her children’s lives.  In her efforts to provide for her young she failed to see her children were starving for character building nourishment only a parent could give.  And as I grew so did my expectations concerning how my mom should parent me.

I hated my mom for not parenting like her sister.  I so desperately wanted to learn how to swim.  But my mom’s obligation to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table kept her from fulfilling my wishes.  And each time one of my child desires went unmet I began to nurture the love hate emotions I cultivated towards my mom.

I was never easy to get along with.  I hated my parents and with the exception of my aunt Pearl and her children I hated the rest of my mom’s family.   And most of all I hated being black, therefore, I hated my life.  And because my mom lacked experience as a nurturer the demands to shelter and feed became a lethal combination.

My mom had no idea she was killing my spirit when she told others I was retarded.  And hearing her unkind words cut deeply.  But my will to survive was stronger than the words she expressed to others.  My will to succeed was predestined and I knew that!

So when I was a child I made clear to self I was going to be someone special.  I was going to give to myself what my mom never gave to me, and rebuild what her mean-spirited words had torn down.  I was going to show my mom who was retarded!

My mom and me
My mom and me

My long awaited day of exoneration never came the way I thought.  My mom has grown old and is now sickly.  I became a parent that also made mistakes.  And as my mom’s health continues to decline the thoughts of revenge are replaced with compassion.  I no longer seek vindication nor does the thought of it appease my wounded soul.  By realizing my mom did the best she could with the understanding she had my broken heart was healed.  And in acknowledging her deficiency as my mom her overdrawn parental account is paid in full.

 

Inspirational Fridays: Sisters Episode 1: Strawberries

If you are having a bum of a day you gotta watch this video!  It will keep you in laughing for hours!  My question is “Does anyone really converse like this?”  Laughter!

Granny’s Wisdom: Children are Precious Gifts

Natisha Hillard

Yesterday an article about a child molestation case came across my Facebook feed.  I would like to write that the case is and was an isolated situation, but I cannot write such because sexual crimes against children are on the rise.  And sadly the victim in this particular case was 4 months old when she became sexually exploited. Sickening!  Right!

What logical adult would have sex with an infant?  What rational human-being would want to have sex with children?  And the most important question:  What type of mother would give her permission for her child or children to be sexually used?

Anyone that would consider having sex and have had sex with a child has fallen away from the moral blueprints of humanity.  Because crimes against defenseless people are horrible!  But crimes against children are shamefully horrific!

And when a mother is negligent in protecting her young it goes against the laws of nature.  Maternal instincts should always trump foolish thoughts!  Maternal instincts should be so strong that women act like civilized “mama bears” when they feel their young being threaten.

And this ‘mama bear’ finds the story of Natisha Hillard‘s inconceivable actions as a woman and mother baffling!

Who is Natisha Hillard?  Too me, she’s a beautiful young black female with a pretty name that has made one of the worst mistakes any woman and or mother can make (outside of killing her young).  Her story is disturbing and very bone chilling.  She sold her infant daughter to a man who has a nefarious appetite for infants and child pornography.

She met the creep online!  And from the sounds of things she didn’t hesitate in selling him her infant for five hundred dollars.  And worse yet, she stood by and watch the crime take place!  To me her actions states, “She was also sexually stimulated by watching a child, her child, being molested!”

It’s a sad day for humanity each time people such as Natisha loses touch with what it means to be human.

Sexual crimes against infants should be punishable by death.  I do believe in the state of Louisiana sexual exploitation of a minor 12 years old and younger carries a mandatory death penalty.  And for sex offenders that do not live in Louisiana to ask the courts for leniency is asinine!  Especially since they are not facing death!

Words of wisdom from an older woman to younger women:

Children are irreplaceable!  The quality of life is priceless!  And to take either or both for granted is wrong.

Inspirational Fridays: Are You A Carrot, Egg, or Coffee Bean?

Are You A Carrot, Egg, or Coffee Bean

(Author Unknown)

Photo taken from: www.revivedkitchen.com
Photo taken from: http://www.revivedkitchen.com

A young woman told her mother about her life and how things were so hard. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She then pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what do you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, Mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity — boiling water — but each reacted differently. The carrot went in

Photo taken from:  www.newhealthguide.org
Photo taken from: http://www.newhealthguide.org

strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Photo taken from:  www.treasurecoastcoffeetrader.com
Photo taken from: http://www.treasurecoastcoffeetrader.com

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of your life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you changed by your surroundings or do you bring life, flavor, to them?

SO…..ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Granny’s Wisdom: Do Not Wear Out Your Welcome

This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.
This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.

I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.”  Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.

Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me.  I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young.  [chuckle]

I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that.  But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted.   And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’

As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.

I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.

Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day.  I was shocked!  It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

The message I get from this passage is:  don’t be so darn clingy!  Get a life!  Explore parts of your life without others.  Enjoy family when can.  And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.

I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom.  My grandmother has passed but her words live on.  And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom.  I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.

Vocabulary Mondays: surreptitiously

Lilly's Wedding Quilt2Recently, I purchased a new Amish love story by Kelly Long.  She’s a new author for me.  But I needed something to read and enjoy during moments of downtime.  And the title Lilly’s Wedding Quilt intrigued me.  So it was plucked off the shelf and placed into my basket with great anticipation for a romantic adventure.  But my limited vocabulary has made it hard for me to enjoy the book.  As I reflect upon my frustrations in having to stop reading to look for the meanings of words I probably will never use I find my behavior childish.  Honesty, I feel my juvenile outlook during reading this book keeps me stagnant in building my vocabulary.  So to keep me interested in reading what seems to be a great novel I have decided to use the words I do not know on Vocabulary Mondays.

Word:  surreptitiously

Part of Speech:  adjective

Meaning from Dictionary.com:

  1. obtained, done, made, etc., by stealth; secret or unauthorized; clandestine: a surreptitious glance.  
  2. acting in a stealthy way.
  3. obtained by subreption; subreptitious.

Word usage in “Lilly’s Wedding Quilt”:  “She blinked her eyes, licking surreptitiously at a splat of rain that dripped past her mouth, then spoke the first thing that came to her mind.”

HBO’s Documentary On A Single Mother Living Paycheck to Paycheck

Starts tonight!  I’m pulling for the single mom in this show.  I’m hoping she can turn things around as she continues to provided for children.  I don’t have HBO; therefore, I can’t watch it.  So, again, I wish this young woman all the best!  For those of you that do have HBO keep me posted.