Saturday Funnies: In Praise of Women Over Forty

Life After 40As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, “What are you thinking?”  She doesn’t care what you think.  If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified.  They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.  Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.  Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.  They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.  Women get psychic as they age.  You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.  Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.  Older women are forthright and honest.  They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one.  You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her!  Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.  Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.  For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.  Ladies, I apologize.  For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, here’s an update for you.  Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.  Why?  Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!


 

Author is unknown but this is an embellished version of “In Praise of Older Women” by Frank Kaiser


 

Positive Self Talk: Never Feel Inferior

Photo taken by:  Annette Harrison
Photo taken by: Annette Harrison

Saturday Funnies: Grandma Still Drives

Grandma Still Drives 

Angry Drivers

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She
writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from
a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer
meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that
the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t
honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of
God!’

‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all
those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach..

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to
leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Saturday Funnies: Being Green

Photo taken from:  http://www.elephantjournal.com/
Photo taken from:  www.elephantjournal.com

Well, I found another email message I thought was cute enough to pass on.  This one is about a young person lecturing an older person on being considerate of the earth and all its inhabitants.

Being Green 

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this ‘green thing’ back in my earlier days.”

The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today.  Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

She was right — our generation didn’t have the ‘green thing’ in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store.
The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks.

This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn’t do the “green thing” back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building.
We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn’t have the “green thing” in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throwaway kind.
We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days.

Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana .

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn.

We used a push mower that ran on human power.  We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family’s $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the “green thing.”

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances.  And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn’t it sad that the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the “green thing” back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart … young person…

We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off, especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart ass who can’t make change without the cash register telling them how much.

Thank You !!!

The Prayer’s of Black Women: Restoring the Heart of America

Photo Source:  www.sodhead.com
Photo Source: http://www.sodhead.com

Well, Lord, I have finally gotten up from the couch.  Mostly because your spirit has urged me to write a pray.

But, Lord, I feel torn about what I should pray.  There are so many life situations that need your help.  So, again, I feel torn about what I should pray about.  However the situation that seems to be heaviest on my heart is the spiritual and cancerous choice of Americans.

The choice to remove you from our country is drowning this wonderful nation in the pool of political correctness; thus, giving birth to spiritual chaos.

We have taken you out of everything!  We have taken you out of our governmental institutions, our business, our schools, our churches, our homes, our children, our families and our daily actions.  And because we have taken you out of everything we are now experiencing the following:  high unemployment, high divorce rates, high rate of children born out-of-wedlock, high rates of child exploitation’s, extreme amounts of mental illness, and people having disregards for life.

Sadly, Lord, as we the American people bicker over small things such as who should or should not get married.  Or should the NRA step in and help make stiffer laws for obtaining firearms!  Or if a black man is making good or bad choices up on Capitol Hill!  Lord, the country that I love is quickly falling into a perilous state.

Lord the catalyst for what is happening in America is our ease in removing you from our lives!  It’s not the black man up on Capitol Hill!  He’s just one man!  It’s not Joe marrying Johnny or Susan marring Sally!  And it’s certainly not mandating tougher gun laws!  It was removing you!

Lord, the American people need to hear from you!  We need to hear from the God that got this American party started.  We’re a young nation.  And we’re making our fair share of mistakes.  But, Lord, the biggest mistake we have made thus far was removing you!

I’m praying for my country.  I’m asking you for your mercy upon me and my country.  I’m asking you God to show us how to repair our relationship with you.  I’m asking you to forgive the arrogance of the American people.  I’m praying that you will do a historical roll call in their minds and in their hearts.  I’m asking Lord that they remember the blood that was shade for our freedoms; and how you fought along the men that were fighting for all to be freed men and women.  I’m asking you to remind them that our ancestors came here to freely worship you.  I’m asking you to remind them this country was born from a divine dream and supported and encouraged by spiritual God.

For George Santayana once wrote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”  And in Numbers 14:26-38 people perished and wondered in the wilderness because they had lost faith in you and your abilities to create a new land for a people of promise.  Lord, help the country that I love.  Heal the heart of this country because America is a land of promise and we are a people of promise.

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette

Granny’s Wisdom: Do Not Wear Out Your Welcome

This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.
This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.

I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.”  Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.

Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me.  I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young.  [chuckle]

I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that.  But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted.   And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’

As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.

I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.

Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day.  I was shocked!  It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

The message I get from this passage is:  don’t be so darn clingy!  Get a life!  Explore parts of your life without others.  Enjoy family when can.  And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.

I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom.  My grandmother has passed but her words live on.  And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom.  I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.

Vocabulary Mondays – thug

Photo taken from:  http://www.columbia.edu
Photo taken from: http://www.columbia.edu

It seems the negative word thug is always used to misrepresent the entire African American, Negro, or black communities. Honestly, people who distort racial integrity by misguiding readers, viewers, and listeners are worse than those they are writing or talking about.  Such viewpoints are transparent as they are criminal acts of spreading hate.

As a humanitarian I find hate served on any platform detestable and a waste of time.  So, therefore, today my vocabulary word is “thug” because I object to the ignorance of those that use it improperly.  And it is such ignorance that keeps hate alive.  And in keeping hate alive it becomes an avenue for exploitation by discriminatory acts when negative words are used to describe others by race, age, disability, ethnic, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and etc. Despite the worlds gratifying social exposure of discovering people are people, a pocket of people continue hate cycles for the sake of personal gain.

Word:  thug

Part of Speech:  noun

Meaning(s):

  1. a cruel or vicious ruffian, robber, or murderer.
  2. (sometimes initial capital letter) one of a former group of professional robbers and murderers in India who strangled their victims.

Origin and History:

Last night I watched a History Channel special on the movie series Indiana Jones. The purpose of the show was to separate fact from fiction as it relates to the movie. While watching the show I was introduced to origin of the word “Thug”. When you think of a thug what image comes to mind? Is it a Black or Brown man? Is he iced out with diamonds and wearing baggy pants? Most people think of a thug as living in a poverty stricken urban area ( Ghetto) in the United states. The origin of the word “Thug” couldn’t be farther from its present meaning. The word Thug originates from an 800 year old cult called Thuggee in India. Thuggee were known for befriending travelers and killing them with the ultimate intention of robbing them. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, this cult is responsible for the death of 2 million unsuspecting travelers.

So the question arises, ” How did we get from Thuggee to thug?” The Indian Cult and its practices were popularized and introduced to main stream Western Culture through books such as Confessions of a Thug by Philip Meadows Taylor (1839). Thuggee was also popularized by British Culture as Great Britain Ruled India from 1858 to 1947. In a way it bothers me that such a negative word like thug is largely associated with Blacks when it should be associated with Indians. How is it that we get the bad rap when they’ve been “thuggin” for 800 years! If we’re going to play the name game then we need to call prostitutes Geisha Girls! If there are any words that you can think of that are unfairly associated with your or someone else’s culture, please feel free to comment.
Ya Basta,
Malcolm