Don’t Judge My Mom

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. — Paul The Apostle


 

My mom Gloria Mae - Photographer:  Unknown
My mom Gloria Mae – Photographer: Unknown

When I was a child between the ages of four and eleven I was very envious of my cousins.  To me they had the cookie cutter mom and the all American home life.

Their mom stayed home.  And since my aunt didn’t work she was able to shower her children with love and guidance.  On the other hand, my mom, her sister, was a working woman.  My mom worked two jobs and she had little to no time for her children.  Therefore, me and my siblings were forsaken the love, understanding, and guidance that came from healthy parenting.

My aunt was a woman that took her role as a mom seriously.  Each of her children had swimming lessons one day and was taken to the library the next day.  She was a mom that made sure dinner was cooked everyday.  She was a mom that afforded her children the luxury to explore the heights of their imaginations.  She was the kind of mom that all children wish they had but seldom got or get.  And even though she was my aunt and a supermom I being her niece was living in parental poverty.

Parental poverty is a doorway that starves the mind from reaching its full life’s potential.  Most times parental poverty emotionally starves children of healthy emotions, as it slowly sends the souls of children into hardship.   It cripples children from learning and hampers childhood dreams.  It cast shadows over the lives of children and makes them question their existence.

And, sadly, my poor mom never realized the full meaning of being a parent.  She never really understood her role as a mom or a single mother.  Therefore, she never figured out she was for a temporary moment the captain of her children’s lives.  In her efforts to provide for her young she failed to see her children were starving for character building nourishment only a parent could give.  And as I grew so did my expectations concerning how my mom should parent me.

I hated my mom for not parenting like her sister.  I so desperately wanted to learn how to swim.  But my mom’s obligation to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table kept her from fulfilling my wishes.  And each time one of my child desires went unmet I began to nurture the love hate emotions I cultivated towards my mom.

I was never easy to get along with.  I hated my parents and with the exception of my aunt Pearl and her children I hated the rest of my mom’s family.   And most of all I hated being black, therefore, I hated my life.  And because my mom lacked experience as a nurturer the demands to shelter and feed became a lethal combination.

My mom had no idea she was killing my spirit when she told others I was retarded.  And hearing her unkind words cut deeply.  But my will to survive was stronger than the words she expressed to others.  My will to succeed was predestined and I knew that!

So when I was a child I made clear to self I was going to be someone special.  I was going to give to myself what my mom never gave to me, and rebuild what her mean-spirited words had torn down.  I was going to show my mom who was retarded!

My mom and me
My mom and me

My long awaited day of exoneration never came the way I thought.  My mom has grown old and is now sickly.  I became a parent that also made mistakes.  And as my mom’s health continues to decline the thoughts of revenge are replaced with compassion.  I no longer seek vindication nor does the thought of it appease my wounded soul.  By realizing my mom did the best she could with the understanding she had my broken heart was healed.  And in acknowledging her deficiency as my mom her overdrawn parental account is paid in full.

 

Prayers of Black Women: Lord Please Help Those That Struggle With Sadness

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

Lord, someone is low in spirits today. It seems as if their mental and emotional wheels are stuck in the mud and they can’t move. Everyday they wake to the challenge of overcoming sadness. Please help them to get going this morning. Please give them a reason to smile in the midst of adverse situations. Please help them create and put in motion healthy life plans to live happier lives. Amen

A Beautiful Woman’s Advice on Loving Life

The Prayer’s of Black Women: Restoring the Heart of America

Photo Source:  www.sodhead.com
Photo Source: http://www.sodhead.com

Well, Lord, I have finally gotten up from the couch.  Mostly because your spirit has urged me to write a pray.

But, Lord, I feel torn about what I should pray.  There are so many life situations that need your help.  So, again, I feel torn about what I should pray about.  However the situation that seems to be heaviest on my heart is the spiritual and cancerous choice of Americans.

The choice to remove you from our country is drowning this wonderful nation in the pool of political correctness; thus, giving birth to spiritual chaos.

We have taken you out of everything!  We have taken you out of our governmental institutions, our business, our schools, our churches, our homes, our children, our families and our daily actions.  And because we have taken you out of everything we are now experiencing the following:  high unemployment, high divorce rates, high rate of children born out-of-wedlock, high rates of child exploitation’s, extreme amounts of mental illness, and people having disregards for life.

Sadly, Lord, as we the American people bicker over small things such as who should or should not get married.  Or should the NRA step in and help make stiffer laws for obtaining firearms!  Or if a black man is making good or bad choices up on Capitol Hill!  Lord, the country that I love is quickly falling into a perilous state.

Lord the catalyst for what is happening in America is our ease in removing you from our lives!  It’s not the black man up on Capitol Hill!  He’s just one man!  It’s not Joe marrying Johnny or Susan marring Sally!  And it’s certainly not mandating tougher gun laws!  It was removing you!

Lord, the American people need to hear from you!  We need to hear from the God that got this American party started.  We’re a young nation.  And we’re making our fair share of mistakes.  But, Lord, the biggest mistake we have made thus far was removing you!

I’m praying for my country.  I’m asking you for your mercy upon me and my country.  I’m asking you God to show us how to repair our relationship with you.  I’m asking you to forgive the arrogance of the American people.  I’m praying that you will do a historical roll call in their minds and in their hearts.  I’m asking Lord that they remember the blood that was shade for our freedoms; and how you fought along the men that were fighting for all to be freed men and women.  I’m asking you to remind them that our ancestors came here to freely worship you.  I’m asking you to remind them this country was born from a divine dream and supported and encouraged by spiritual God.

For George Santayana once wrote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”  And in Numbers 14:26-38 people perished and wondered in the wilderness because they had lost faith in you and your abilities to create a new land for a people of promise.  Lord, help the country that I love.  Heal the heart of this country because America is a land of promise and we are a people of promise.

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette

The Prayer’s of Black Women Photos: Seven Days Without God

Seven Days Without God

The Prayer’s of Black Women Photos: What Does It Mean to Trust You Lord?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

The Prayer’s of Black Women: What Does It Mean to Trust You Lord?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

Dear Lord:

Your word says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”  My prayer today is about what does it mean to trust in you?  Or should I pray for answers to the following questions:  How does a person trust in you Lord?  Does this passage support our free will ?  And how does it support common sense?

Lord my questions are not original (although I wish they were).  But  many before me have asked the same during moments of spiritual isolation.  And, sadly, so many after me will pose the same question(s) during moments of uncertainty.  So, Lord, again, I ask what does it mean to trust in you?  Because sometimes Lord I’m afraid those that believe in you fail to know what it means to truly trust in you.

And for that reason Lord, I am asking that you help us to know what you mean in this passage.   Help us to merge the wisdom of God with our instinct to spiritually and physically survive.  Help us to refrain from blaming you when things don’t go as planned and according to our interpretation of your words.  Help us to accept defeat as well as our victories during moments of spiritual growth.  So, Lord, I ask again, help us to truly know what it means to trust in you.  Amen.

Your Loving Daughter
Annette

The Prayer’s of Black Women: Peace For the Tormented Soul

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:  for this is the law and the prophets.  Matthew 7:12

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

Dear Lord:

All week-long I have done nothing but complain about family members.  Sadly in spiritual arrogance I wrote in my journal what this person or that person was doing wrong.  Lord, I pray that you continue to show mercy on my misguided soul.  For in my arrogance I wanted you to severely punish the family I thought did not deserve your grace.  And, Lord, it saddens me to confess:  I never stopped to think beyond my shallow needs of feeling vindicated.  Surly, Lord, a person’s soul salvation is worth more than a temporary feel good statement.

Honestly, Lord, I would be mortified if I read or heard someone asking you to punish me.

So, Lord, please forgive me of my sins.  Help me to walk and speak in the ways of a righteous child of God.  Teach me in my moments of spiritual enlightenment to show your love, kindness, forgiveness and courage to those during weak moments.  Look upon these people and blessed them with new eyes to see their errors as you have done for me.  Give their tormented souls peace so they will do the right things.

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette

Granny’s Wisdom: Do Not Wear Out Your Welcome

This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.
This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.

I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.”  Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.

Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me.  I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young.  [chuckle]

I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that.  But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted.   And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’

As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.

I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.

Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day.  I was shocked!  It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

The message I get from this passage is:  don’t be so darn clingy!  Get a life!  Explore parts of your life without others.  Enjoy family when can.  And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.

I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom.  My grandmother has passed but her words live on.  And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom.  I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.

The Prayers of Black Women: Lord Help Me Make It Safely to Shore

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.  –Corrie Ten Boom
Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

Lord, I am worried.  And I am [sigh] not alone.  I need for you to minister to my lowly spirit and those that feel the same as I do.  Lord, we need to hear from you.  Make your Holy presence known in giving us signs that everything is going to be alright.  Lord, I’m not sure of the challenges my brothers and sisters in Christ are facing this morning but my challenges for today are:  I have no money to meet the demands of my responsibilities and financial obligations.  And adding to my list of worries last night the stove decided to join the refrigerator and go on the blink.  And my efforts to secure financial stability and generational legacy seem fruitless.  The feeling of defeat is hovering over my head as a continual reminder I am failing as a daughter, sister, mother, wife, and entrepreneur.

Please, Lord, keep the defeatist attitude away.  Please help me and those that feel like me stay positive in the midst of life’s storms.   Become our lighthouse and guide us safely to harbor oh Lord.  Amen

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette