Part I: Should Black Women Be Wives and or Mother’s?

I'm a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.
I’m a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.

Here’s another one of those post I blogged in April of 2013.  And, again, it didn’t get published because I didn’t believe I was a good enough writer.  I’ve made no changes really to my then thoughts.  The words are what they are because I felt them then. 

Well [pause] [sigh] before I started this post I tried to tackle another irrational comment that YouTube voyager said about Black women, but I became greatly frustrated.  Not because I could not argue my point(s) but I need facts.  Unfortunately the facts weren’t in our favor on one particular subject.  At least not yet!  Therefore, I have selected to discuss the roles Black women play as spouses and in motherhood.  Given my personal and professional experience I can hold my own in speaking on Black women and their roles as suitable mates and raising children.

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Honestly, I don’t know what rock this man crawled from under but he needs a realty check when it comes to discussing issues concerning Black women; and without question he surely needs to learn how to support his off-the-cuff theories with facts; because from where I sit he is very provincial in his comments.  He and his bad advice to those that will listen to him gives me the creeps!  He sounds like a Black Hitler in the making!  Really!

Hitler was a horrid man!  Horrid!  He was a great orator.  He made people believe they could fly when they could not.  But he was a horrible man with a horrible plan!  He made people kill their disable loved ones, in addition, he made people kill an ethnic group because each did not meet the standards or have the features of what he perceived to be the perfect German.

People!  People!  People!  “Those that fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.”  Do you know who said that?  I know who said those wonderful words but do you know?  Because they are true!  To me this young black man on YouTube is like Hitler.  He comes across as a great speaker.  He gives perception of being concern with humanity.  But soon as he begins to speak his cover is blown once he starts attacking a gender group, a race, and or a specific color within a race.  Frankly, he is worse than Hitler.  At least Hitler was trying to preserve the best of his race, but this foolish man is trashing his own race without preservation and feels good about it!  “He is a mad man begetting more mad men!”  Can you tell me where I got that quote from?

Yes!  I love to read and I enjoy old movies and I learn something new every day.  And for the love of God . . . I don’t understand how any person can stomach to watch, read, and listen to words that kill the soul, the very essence of what makes a person human.  I have spent enough time discussing that foolish man and men like him.  Now I need to discuss why women of color make excellent wives and mothers.

At 17 years old I was too young for motherhood and marriage, however, I was not alone.  My life experience was limited and so was the countless teen moms that were pregnant during the same time.  Neither, either, had no clue we were not mentally and emotionally prepared for motherhood and or marriage; but we were either pregnant and or married with no life experience.

I believe becoming an excellent parent and spouse is a life skill that is taught and in my case spiritually supplied.  As a young mom without a mentor I was an awful mother.  As a young wife without a mentor I was an awful spouse.  Sadly life failures taught me how to parent and how to love a man once he became my husband.  Now that I have been through the stages of life I am prepared to meet the challenges of getting my children and grand-daughter ready for their life journeys.

Several months ago I told my grand if you sleep with a boy then you will have a boy/daddy for your child’s father.  I told her she could not expect a boy to grow-up overnight because he got her pregnant.  This is a big problem among teens and young adults with children.  

Girls and young adult women want boys and young adult men to turn into father material after they get pregnant.  Not going to happen!  Why?  Because each female group is trying to fill a void.  A void that was caused by their parents failure to successfully grow up before starting a family.  Sadly, each female group is trying to connect or bond with a male on the level of fatherhood.  The more they try to make these unwilling boys and young men turn into their dream of what a dad looks like they will always have opposition.    

Just because a man/boy whispers in your ear during an intimate moment about making you his wife or wanting you to have his children does not mean he is ready for fatherhood.  It only means he knows how to get you going sexually!  Because a responsible man will tell you up front what he expects out of the relationship before it gets started.  And if a responsible man feels you are wife material he will ask for your hand in marriage before creating children.  

Perhaps the following is something to redeem my youthful decisions to become wife and mother so young, because I saw my young husband as a fool:  

“When a woman thinks her husband is a fool, her marriage is over. They may part in one year or ten; they may live together until death. But if she thinks he is a fool, she will not love him again.” ~Philippa Gregory

At the time when I became pregnant and a wife, I did not know how to cook for a husband or be a nurturing mother to a screaming baby.  On the flip-side, my young husband did not know how to provided for a pregnant wife and later a child; worst he failed morally when he sought comforts in another young woman’s arms and they created a child.  Are you seeing where I am going with this?  

Everyone must start the lesson of becoming a good parent and an excellent mate at some point during their life.  Inexperience does not mean Black women are not parent and wife material.  It only means some Black women need help in learning the craft of nurturing their young and being their husband’s main support system.  With that written I feel this is a good stopping for point today.  Have a great one!  

And remember Black women have it going on!  

    

Day 1: No Facebook

Social media has not only taken the world by storm but it is creating storms in everyday life.  From where I sit as a Facebook junkie, social media has moved from a tool to connect people to a place where people alternate between the roles of being pimps and whores seeking praise from the majority of readers.  As a result, the effort to being popular is producing negative affects that quietly impacts towns, cities, states, countries and sometimes the world.

Not until recently did I learn that Facebook track where their users go and how often they visit those sites.  The news was an eyebrow raising moment and was followed by an “hum.”

That’s when I realize social media’s presence is far more destructive than a category 5 hurricane or a F-5 tornado all because someone wants the metaphorically reach the moon first, and I was playing my part in them getting there.

Like everyone else I enjoyed having platforms to share knowledge and or thoughts.  So, as a result, being heard has become a seductive aspect of social media and a tool for the creators to land on the moon with no regards to the people they exploit.

Loving Yourself QuotesThis is truly day one of no Facebook.  The struggle with dealing with the withdraws is real but I love myself enough to overcome the challenge.  God’s speed to all!

Throwback Thursdays: Barbara Billingsley on Jive Talking

Well I learned something new today!  

I learned that most black people speak Jive.  This coded language that has unified American black people for decades is now called slang.  So far Jive remains unrecognized by most as a survival language that is mostly spoken among blacks.  The funny thing is Jive is a language that has been passed down from generation to generation despite educational successes within the black community.  Yet, society continues to equate this language with ignorance.  When in fact Jive is probably the first unity language created in America.  

Thou I try to remove the jargon from my vocabulary I must admit it makes me feel whole when I am with other blacks.  Honestly, knowing slang/Jive helps me to contact to a group or race of people who are rejected by society.  And perhaps that’s why so many young men and women from other races try to learn it.  

Maybe the young got it!  Maybe they realize Jive is a unity language that connects dislocated people.  I’m just sayin’ . . . maybe all young people feel dislocated in some fashion.  So to connect they speak slang.  Hum . . .           

 

The Prayers of Black Women: Prayer For Those That Talk Too Much

The Man With Leprosy
(Luke 5:12-14)

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

¹²While Jesus was in one of the town, a man came along who was covered with leprosy.  When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”  ¹³Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.  “I am willing.” he said.  “Be Clean!”  And immediately the leprosy left him.  14Then Jesus ordered him, “Don’t tell anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them.

Lord, some people talk too much because they want other’s to hear their “know it all” speeches;  then again some people talk too much because of nerves chatter; and, then, Lord, some people talk too much because of self-absorption.  But this prayer is for those that talk to much because of emotional and mental pain that overflows into their daily conversations.

Lord, help the person that is in emotional or mental pain to see that you enter into their lives everyday.  Lord help them to understand you know their spirits are filled with worries.  Let them know Lord they are no different from the man with leprosy when it comes to your unyielding love for your creation.  Lord, allow them to feel your presence; and gently convey to their spirits that you stand waiting to heal their brokenness.  Lord, give them the words to ask in prayer for guidance and healing as they create a dialogue between you and them.

I am asking for you to do these things Lord because:  I have found those that unwittingly share life experiences have been greatly wounded.  And because of their sorrows I come humbly before your Throne of Grace.  So, once again, Lord, I am asking for divine healing for those that talk too much as they try to ease their emotional and mental pains.  Lord, I ask that they find a true friend in you.  Lord, I pray that you begin to peel the layers of untold anguish from their unconscious minds.  Exposing their raw emotions for what they are as you help them to deal with each heartache privately.  For in lessening their spiritual suffering they can find hope.  And in finding hope they will find wisdom in who to share your blessings among and their tribulations with.

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette

Saturday Funnies: Key & Peele “Black Republicans”

It’s not a secret among my family and friends that I am a black Republican.  Most black people who are Democrats ask me, “What the hell are you thinking?”  And as usual I respond with laughter as they stand there ready to aggressively argue politically.  Sadly they forget I have the same freedoms as they to choose whatever.   However, this morning a friend sent me this video via email.  I thought it was priceless and filled with humor.  And I enjoyed the video for so many reasons.  My only hope in sharing this video is that others will see the humor in political nitpicking.  Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!  –Annette

 

Just a Personal Note to ‘Sleepless In Austin’ From A Black Woman

Photo taken from:  www.iluvblackpeople.com
Photo taken from: http://www.iluvblackpeople.com

WE ALL HAVE GLITCHES AND FLAWS IN OUR CHARACTER… Not one of us is perfect.  — RICK RENNER

Larry, I don’t even know where to start this personal message to you about your negative comments towards black people, overweight women, people who have tattoos, and sexual preferences.

Therefore, I guess I will begin with your blog comments about black women and black people.  (As a personal side note, actually as a black woman I thought your race specific comments were hysterically funny!  I don’t agree with them but I do think they were funny.  And I do mean they were entertaining).

I hate to bust your bubble but your words were not shocking.  I have heard some black people privately state the same about white people, and so forth and so on.  So when you openly expressed your thoughts on why you don’t date black women, or white women that have dated black men, I was not in shock.  Mainly, because, as quite as it has been kept there are people from every race, class, and creed that feel the same as you.  And sad to write, I was once among those people who felt races should not mix.

Therefore, I’m writing, “You go boy!”  You took courage by the tail of ignorance and put your person in the line of social-fire!  Gosh!  Dude!  What the heck were you thinking when you created your website looking for love!

I’m sure your lack of intimacy with a woman that loves being with you speared you on to create a blog that makes you looks like a total jerk-face to a lot of people.  Surprisingly, as a woman of color, I see you totally different.  I see you as a man that wrote what he felt to find conditional love.  And it didn’t matter to you the feelings you publicly and socially hurt in the process, as long as you got the woman of your dreams.  Right.

Larry,

  • It’s okay that you don’t find black women physically attractive.
  • It’s okay to say you think black people are disgusting to look upon.
  • It’s okay to say black people look like animals.
  • It’s okay that you don’t want a woman who has slept with black men.
  • It’s okay to say races should not mix.
  • It’s okay to say you like everything pink on your mate.
  • It’s okay that you don’t want an overweight woman.
  • It’s okay that you don’t want a woman who has tattoos.
  • It’s okay to call certain types of white people trash.
  • It is even okay to express you don’t want a woman who has engaged in group sex.
  • And it’s okay to date women without children.

Personally, I don’t agree with your views.  I believe every person should live and let live (as why I didn’t and don’t take your comments about black women and black people to heart).

But the problem came once you publicly stated those things in search of conditional love.  Most people, especially a successful business person, with an ounce of social decorum would have posted the positive attributes of what they’re looking for in a mate.  Later within a private setting they would discard names, emails, and phone numbers of those that didn’t fit their criteria.  Do you get the picture!

Instead, you wrote racial propaganda about why you do not date black women; and supported your views by stating non-blacks should not mix the races if it involves black people.   Larry, your shallow statement “I think that all races were created equal” was an afterthought to soften the blow of your inhumane statements on people of color.

Don’t back down now man . . . tell the world how you truly feel about black folks!

Larry!  Hello!  What planet are you from!  What planet are you living on!  And how can you look at yourself in the mirror every day with your extreme racial views and say you are not a racist.  Shakespeare once wrote, “This above all:  to thine own self be true.”  Larry, I hate to break the news to you buddy but your statements are racial; thus, painting you as a racist.  And anyone telling you otherwise is blowing smoke up your heinie.  Laughter!

Larry, as a woman of color, I truly wish you all the best in finding the woman you feel you deserve.  And remember . . .

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. ~Mark Twain

Humanity Should Never Be Defined by Color

Dearest . . . That is exactly what Bob Seay, a man from Colorado, successfully wrote about in a message to his friends on Facebook in the wake of a verdict over a non-black man shooting and killing a black teen.

I am sharing his words with you because they reflect my sentiments as well.  Happy reading!

Love:  Mom  

ImageI am not Trayvon Martin. 

 

I keep seeing people say, “I am Trayvon Martin.” I understand the sentiment. If that is you, then I respect that. 

 

I am not Trayvon Martin. I am a middle-aged, middle class, overweight white guy. I am also a teacher, and in 20 years of teaching, I have seen plenty of Trayvon Martins. More accurately, I have seen plenty of young men who fit the caricatured image that is being portrayed of this kid in the media, Left and Right. Fox News and MSNBC. I’m guessing that neither portrayal – saint or thug – is accurate. People are more complex than that. 

 

None of the Trayvon Martins that I know deserve to die. They may arouse suspicion, but your paranoia is not their crime. If they do commit a crime, they deserve to have a trial. Trayvon Martin’s jury consisted of one person. That is not how we are supposed to do things in America. Unfortunately, that is our reality. 

 

Here’s my point: You don’t have to be Trayvon Martin to know this is wrong. You don’t have to be black, or young, or a “troubled student” or a pot smoker to know this was murder. And you don’t have to be the parent of Trayvon Martin to know this was a gross miscarriage of justice. 

 

Let me be more blunt: This type of injustice will continue until enough guys like me – guys who are not Trayvon Martin – have had enough of it and finally say “No more.” 

 

You don’t have to be Trayvon Martin. 
You just have to be human.

Prayers of Black Women: More Than We Can Bear

ImageLord, please help!

The American nation is torn over the outcome of the Zimmerman and Martin case.  Some people are upset because they feel justice has not prevail; other’s, Lord, are upset because they feel blacks are trying to turn the killing of an African-American teen into a public uncivil racial state of affairs.  

Lord, I’m not sure what went wrong on that dreary rainy night Trayvon took his last breath.  Nor can I comprehend the logic behind the verdict after hearing not all but key parts of how the confrontation began.  

But as a black woman that has endured racial prejudices I do know this . . . You will never give anyone, from any race, more than they can bear.  

Therefore, Lord, I am asking you to make this storm over a loss of life and the preservation of life between those that are directly, indirectly and those that are not involved with this killing at peace.  Because today Lord somewhere in America there are parents that are crying with grief concerning the senseless death of their son, as another set of parents Lord somewhere in America is rejoicing their son was found not-guilty.  As a nation of people search for, or demand, answers for a not-guilty verdict five women made for reason unknown to the public.  Lord, I truly ask that you comfort all.    

And though Zimmerman has been found not-guilty his life and the lives of his family will never be the same.  

For you and Zimmerman hold the truth as to what took place on a night he should have refrained from exiting his home with a gun.  

Sadly, Lord, no one understands soon Zimmerman will learn he is free in body but he will never be free in mind, spirit and soul.  He will live with the fact that he took a life.  A life he did not give, a life that was not his to take, a life that never had the chance to live to see manhood because the owner of that life was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and in the silence of his mind Zimmerman will always remember he alone was responsible for taking that life.    

Lord, I pray that you reveal the truth about what happened that night.  Because I believe someone heard or saw the horrific acts that took place.  I believe Lord this person is scared to come forth.  So I’m praying that you will give them a spirit of conviction that will fill their consciousness with relentless reminders they can set the record(s) straight for a teen that lost his voice in death.  I’m praying Lord that you will give them your spirit of courage to come forth and tell what truly happened on the night a young man was gun-down for youthfully walking in the rain.  I’m praying Lord that once this person comes forth that you will make American people accept the truthful words of not only an ear witness but an eyewitness of the account that left one person dead and another fighting to remain free.  And in accepting truths as they are being told may the American people allow your justice to take place.  

I’m not praying this prayer for your justice to prevail because some perceive the case as a white on black crime, or as others may see it as a black on white crime; but because the fragile American nation is torn behind the verdict rendered.  

With that said, Lord, It is amazing how people have lost faith in this matter.  Lord they have forgotten that you are God.  You sit high and you look low.  Only the foolish believe that Zimmerman has gotten away with selfishly taking a life.  But I believe true justice will be served if a crime has been committed despite any law including the “stand your grounds” law.  Lord, I profess and believe that your laws override man’s law.  I also believe when we commit a sin we either pay now or we pay during judgment day in the hereafter. Thus, Zimmerman punishment may not happen today, it might not happen tomorrow, it probably won’t happen within a year, but, I know for sure you will expose the truth in your time and justice will be served and in-turn redeem the name of the slain if a crime has been committed.  

So once again, Lord, I’m asking that you give the person that saw this incident a spirit of conviction.  Let them not rest until their soul is satisfied that they have done what is humanly right concerning Zimmerman and Martin’s altercation as they allow the laws of God “thou shalt not kill” and “a life for a life” to judiciously prevail.  

Your Loving Daughter,

Annette

 

 

Black Women Must Raise The Acheivement Bar For Black Men

Photo taken from "The Examiner"
Photo taken from “The Examiner”

Several weeks ago someone posted a mock question about a woman dating a man in prison.  I and many  others responded.  In addition, I also blogged about the question.  I noticed my answer and a few others were passed over and did not receive any thumbs up!  But the below answers received at least 2 or more likes:

If he’s going to be out soon, I would continue to befriend him but make no commitments until he comes out and lives the new life he is claiming. I’m sure you’ve been told this but it’s easier to submit and do the right thing when you have no other choice and the temptation is not there. The real test will be when he gets out. Take your time and date him when he comes home act like you are meeting the new him for the 1st time and get to know the new him.

First of all, you really dont know anymore than what he is telling you. Now there is a thing called jailhouse religion, so be very careful. As for as the diploma goes, that aint nothing new either. Just take your time and as Chase stated, give him 6-12 month on the outside. Love is funny but the hurt that came come with it, well baby that aint no JOKE!!!

Girlfriend being locked up or having your freedom taken away is a humbling experience for anyone. Unfortunately some people only turn to the bible when they get into situations beyond their control. But regardless of when he turned as long as he acknowledges the word of God and establishes a spiritual relationship for himself, God can give him the peace wisdom and understanding to seek his will and way for his life. No one better in this world than you can answer this question, if you are making the right decision? It’s your choice. If you are willing to settle with someone who has obviously done some things to afford his freedom to be taken away, and you feel, he will no longer, once he gets his freedom again, do those things, and you care enough to believe in his ability to change and do right by you and the law, do what makes you happy, but don’t be naïve in your decision, weigh your pro’s and con’s, and be sure that is what you want, it’s your life and you will have to live with your decision. Take care, Be Blessed!

And this one really took the cake.

Yeah just pray

But the one from a man was not surprising!

Sister. NOTHING redeems a brother getting out of “lock” like a woman that’s stod by him,and encouraged him to be a better person. That’s one of a billion reasons we love yall! However,give him some time to walk the walk that he,s talking. If he shows signs of reverting back to “old behaviors”,admonish him with the word of God first..and then your personal feelings. If he doesn’t show signs of positive,continued growth,you may have to step back abit..give him something to aspire to. Good luck,and God bless you both! P.S. I once was..but now am..a new creature in Christ! (from prison to Praise!)

Each reply is confirmation to a single and lonely Black woman that it is okay to date any-old-thang!  I just gotta ask.  Black women what are you thinking?  Really!  It appears no one thought to ask “What is wrong with this picture.”  The projected imagery the question posed for a Black woman dating an inmate was a slap in the face.

In college we did many mock questions.  Several of them were intense.  One of them involved a husband/expected father that had several burdens when it came to deciding the fate of his dying wife and his unborn child.  But the question submitted on my Facebook page for Black women was insulting because of the low expectations for women of color.

From each response it was clear to see no one thought to ask the “Five W’s.”  Who, what, when, where, and why.  However, in everyone’s defense we knew who, we knew when, and we even knew where.  But again no one stopped to ask ‘what is wrong with this picture’ and why would a woman date someone in jail?

I’m sure my questions come across as having the “better than” attitude, but I’m not.  I have learned over the years to reach for the stars; and that includes the men I choose to share my life with.  Therefore, I began my response with, “Why is this woman dating a man behind bars?”  Because as I see things, I’m sorry but a man incarcerated is not a good dating choice.  As a woman that promotes advancement for color women I would have never posed such a question for Black women to entertain.

Black women in order for our men to advance with us we must raise the bar.  Until the bar of expectation is raised our Black men will continue to fail in education, fail to gain employment, fail in dating, fail in marriage, fail in spiritual wholeness, fail in parenthood, and fail as being mentors for men that have lost their way in life.  Other words, if they go to jail for bad behaviors don’t reward them by dating them in jail.  And for goodness sake refrain from corresponding with them they have family.

Let me be the first to admit, I think it is sad that many Black men are living their life behind bars.  I think it is even sadder when Black women are comfortable with entertaining the idea of dating incarcerated men.

Personally, I would rather cross the color line and date a successful man from another race than settle for someone that undoubtedly have social issues.

The Prayers of Black Women: May 5, 2013

Dear God:

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

It is me again.  I come boldly with a humble spirit before you.  I’m asking for your help to pray for those that are in need of prayer.  Lord it has been a long time since I have prayed in a public setting.  So, once again, I’m asking for help in praying for the needs of others.

Lord, I ask for peace to penetrate the hearts of humanity.  I ask for love to transcend the walls of racial issues, marital issues, relationship issues, sibling issues, self-hatred issues, low self-esteem issues and etc.  I’m asking for the Holy Trinity to aid all leaders from different nation’s in serving the needs of their people and the needs of the world.

But, Lord, I come to you with a special request on the behalf of American Black girls.

Someone once told me Lord that you love when your children repeat your Holy Words back to you during petitioning you for favor.  Well . . . Lord here I am.  I am reminding you of your promises.  Your word says,  “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.  It was I who sent this great destroying army against you (Joel 2:25).”

Lord, my life is almost over.  I am 51 and will soon turn 52; and, if you are kind I might successfully live another 30 to 40 years.  I realize I can do a lot within 30 to 40 years but my heart laments over the wasted years of my youth.

Lord, because I feel my caregivers dropped the ball when it came to guiding me successfully in my youth I am praying for Black American girls this morning.

Lord, I am asking that you give them each a protective angel; an angel that will sweetly speak words of affirmation and encouragement in their ears to help them throughout life.  I’m praying they understands they have a purpose in life.  I’m praying each understands without question that they are not personal dumping ground for other’s.  I am praying that you convey to them early the plans you have for them and their lives.  Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  Awe the words ‘future’ and ‘hope.’  

Lord it is standard pattern and practice for other’s to feel their purpose is to rob American Black girls of their futures and hope.  Therefore, Lord, I’m praying American Black girls will understand self-respect, self-love, and self-affirmation.  For in doing so they will know their futures will be brighter with the knowledge of knowing they have hope.

Also, Lord, I am asking for you to set in motion a plan to restore order to American Black girls inherit fragile souls and give them your prosperity promises.  Lord, I’m praying that each American Black girl is given the mindset to accept your gifts and learn to appreciate them.

So often others will make American Black girls feel guilty for having when they have not.  But, Lord, I release your protective spirit in the lives of Black American girls that they will have life according to your riches and glory in Heaven and on Earth, and in doing so they will not allow others to steal their blessings.  I’m praying Lord that you will allow American Black girls to see themselves as you see them:  Psalm 139:14 statesI praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Your Loving Daughter,

Annette