Yesterday the struggle was real! OMG! I can not believe I was having withdrawals from being on Facebook. Today is a little better but I still have urges to log into my social media account to see what is currently happening in my friends, family, loved ones and the world. But! I’m not going to give into my desire. Instead, I’m committing to cleaning my kitchen and eradicating my emotions from the baggage of others.
As God would have it I was faced with choices concerning my torn relationship with my grand daughter. She sees me as a negative in her life and never a friend or a person that cares deeply for her and her outcome. My truth telling has hurt her beyond her ability to see logic. As a result, she tell private things about me in order to gain some type of satisfaction in shaming me before others. As if shaming me will fix what really ills her soul. Well any who how . . . . She has drawn her line in the sand and set her boundaries. They are loud and clear. I must and will respect them. With that stated, I don’t think she realize once she made her choices her decisions created choices for me.
I wish her well. At the moment their can never be a point return. Sometimes you must cut the cancer out in order for the body to survive.
Seeing his number on caller ID made my day. As I viewed who was calling I deliberated should I tell him about my painful decision.
He lives hundreds of miles away. He’s happy with his relationship choice. He enjoys his job. He views life as it should be lived. One day at a time. He dislikes drama and avoid making comments when I’m in-raged about his older brother. So I wanted to stay clear of upsetting him.
He could tell something was wrong. I told him what happened. He was disappointed it came to the decision I made. He said something like this: “Well, mom, my brother must live his life. The loaning of this money is a lesson to everyone. If my brother doesn’t get the lesson, the lesson will continue to visit him until he gets it.”
Nugget from God:
It’s a good thing to help others that are in need. If they abuse the resources God sends or sent their way then life lessons will continue until they learn whatever they need to learn.
Lord each time I write or speak of the money that my son’s girlfriend refuses to repay I become upset. Today, Lord, I’m asking for God’s peace on a good deed that went bad. I want to move on. Help me find ways to replace what the locust have eaten. Amen
A couple of days ago my husband and I emailed his daughter. Unfortunately, she struggles with self-worth. And the emails she sends her dad and I are often heart-wrenching. They cast a big shadow of gloom with no expected date of sunshine. Sometimes after reading her messages I want to just fly to her home state and gobble her up with the biggest hug. But that is impossible! So the next best thing is to write her emails of compassion with hope that my husband and I aren’t making things worse.
I’m sharing this email because I thought it was inspirational. It deals with the feelings of young people who often tend to lose their way because they are given bad advice. In all honesty, there is no guarantee that everyone that sets out on their life quest will finish first or finish last; all a person can do is their best.
After hearing about your struggles I can see how you arrived at your fleeting moments of feeling unsuccessful. Personally, Annette and I think you and Jake have been victims of bad advice. It doesn’t mean the person(s) that gave the advice meant you or Jake harm. It only means their information wasn’t conducive to the life and lifestyle you and Jake are seeking. Remember, sweetheart, success depends on how you view life and what you truly want out of life. And it’s fulfilling your dreams and not the desires of others that give meaning to being successfully satisfied.
Sadly, sweetie, people now days like being sold pipe-dreams. I hope you’re not one of them. Because the number one problem for most young people and couples are unrealistic ambitions that become constant let downs. And once a person or a relationship reaches their limits with life disappointment most often desperation sets in with other negative feelings. And sadly when that happens most, if not all, find themselves and their relationships in positions of compromise.
Jake is young and he have made some mistakes. He is paying for some of those mistakes. Or would it be better for me to write he has adjusted his life to accommodate the consequence of many of his choices?
You are young. You’ve made some mistakes. And, like Jake, you are paying for some of those mistakes. Or would it be better for me to write that even you are finding ways to tailor your life to live with the consequence from the choices you made?
I’m not sure who is telling you that you should expect Jake to take care of you. And in all honesty something doesn’t set well with me about that expectation. I guess part of the reason that mindset doesn’t set well with me is because, it clips your wings as an individual, as a professional, as a woman, and eventually as a mother and mentor.
Another reason I believe that egocentric thought is harmful is because it defines or sets the tone for controlling and abusive relationships. And in most cases where one partner takes care of the other partner, qualified to pull their weight, the relationship always end bad. And each usually walks away feeling bitter and disappointed for different reasons. So with that said, again, I think you and Jake, more so you have been victims of bad advice; mainly, because their concept does not help you or Jake reach what you seek for your lives as a young couple and as young people.
Annette and I weren’t sure if we should say anything about your feelings of hopeless, especially Annette. She felt we needed to keep our nose out of yours and Jake’s business. But I cringed upon hearing her words, especially since she is such a good parent to her own children. Surely she could understand I want and have always wanted the best for my kids. And I know that last sentence comes as a shock to you! Laughter! But don’t be so shocked! And, yes, I want the best for you and your sisters. And, yes, I have cried over my decision but it was made in the best interest for all.
My dear sweet wife had a change of heart about writing the letter as you can see. And I’m glad! What started out as a short email, later a book, and now an email again has been carefully written to send a message of love and encouragement.
So, I echo the sentiments of my wife, “you and Jake are doing great!” But I think there is room for improvement. Speaking from experience and as a man who has been married several times, I have fallen out of love with my first wife and I thought I had fallen out of love and in love with the second wife. I noticed what kept and keeps my relationship together with my second wife is her ambition to help me help us. My second wife is not perfect but she has my back. And for a temporary moment I had forgotten that!
I hope the content of this email didn’t upset you.
A man was exploring caves by the Seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn’t look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.
He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock . Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!
Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.
Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!
It’s like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn’t look like much from the outside. It isn’t always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.
We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.
There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.
May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them.
I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with you. Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.
Point to ponder: Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends. Life is too short and friends are too few!
‘Do not ask the Lord to Guide your Footsteps if you are not willing to MOVE your Feet’
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. — Paul The Apostle
When I was a child between the ages of four and eleven I was very envious of my cousins. To me they had the cookie cutter mom and the all American home life.
Their mom stayed home. And since my aunt didn’t work she was able to shower her children with love and guidance. On the other hand, my mom, her sister, was a working woman. My mom worked two jobs and she had little to no time for her children. Therefore, me and my siblings were forsaken the love, understanding, and guidance that came from healthy parenting.
My aunt was a woman that took her role as a mom seriously. Each of her children had swimming lessons one day and was taken to the library the next day. She was a mom that made sure dinner was cooked everyday. She was a mom that afforded her children the luxury to explore the heights of their imaginations. She was the kind of mom that all children wish they had but seldom got or get. And even though she was my aunt and a supermom I being her niece was living in parental poverty.
Parental poverty is a doorway that starves the mind from reaching its full life’s potential. Most times parental poverty emotionally starves children of healthy emotions, as it slowly sends the souls of children into hardship. It cripples children from learning and hampers childhood dreams. It cast shadows over the lives of children and makes them question their existence.
And, sadly, my poor mom never realized the full meaning of being a parent. She never really understood her role as a mom or a single mother. Therefore, she never figured out she was for a temporary moment the captain of her children’s lives. In her efforts to provide for her young she failed to see her children were starving for character building nourishment only a parent could give. And as I grew so did my expectations concerning how my mom should parent me.
I hated my mom for not parenting like her sister. I so desperately wanted to learn how to swim. But my mom’s obligation to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table kept her from fulfilling my wishes. And each time one of my child desires went unmet I began to nurture the love hate emotions I cultivated towards my mom.
I was never easy to get along with. I hated my parents and with the exception of my aunt Pearl and her children I hated the rest of my mom’s family. And most of all I hated being black, therefore, I hated my life. And because my mom lacked experience as a nurturer the demands to shelter and feed became a lethal combination.
My mom had no idea she was killing my spirit when she told others I was retarded. And hearing her unkind words cut deeply. But my will to survive was stronger than the words she expressed to others. My will to succeed was predestined and I knew that!
So when I was a child I made clear to self I was going to be someone special. I was going to give to myself what my mom never gave to me, and rebuild what her mean-spirited words had torn down. I was going to show my mom who was retarded!
My long awaited day of exoneration never came the way I thought. My mom has grown old and is now sickly. I became a parent that also made mistakes. And as my mom’s health continues to decline the thoughts of revenge are replaced with compassion. I no longer seek vindication nor does the thought of it appease my wounded soul. By realizing my mom did the best she could with the understanding she had my broken heart was healed. And in acknowledging her deficiency as my mom her overdrawn parental account is paid in full.
I’ve been silent on Facebook for the past couple of days; but a friend posted this article of a fine young man I thought would make for interesting reading material. Not sure of his race but he does have some black in him. However, I guess someone has decided to do a fundraiser to pay this good-looking mans bail. His bail is set for $900,000! Wow! I know! Right! He is truly a bad boy indeed . . .
Well, I’m sharing the thoughts of another writer, that I agree with, about this young mans criminal rise to fame among the women because he is eye-candy:
You know there are some days where I’m embarrassed to be a woman. Today is one of those days. The mugshot of Jeremy Meeks has gone viral and the comments from WOMEN are vulgar and disgusting. On some sites his picture has gotten 45K likes and even up to over 200K likes.
His charges are as follows:
“The 30-year-old Stockton, CA convicted felon is being held on $900,000 bail for illegally possessing firearms and ammo, carrying a loaded firearm in public and criminal street gang activity. The specific charge is street terrorism.”
In addition to the comments on the picture, I’ve read comments of women stating the sexually explicit things they would do to him, how they love thugs and want to have his babies.
And we have the nerve to complain about the lack of good men! Apparently we aren’t looking for a good man. We want that thug love. That thug passion. The Bad Boy.
This is very telling of the state of mind that women have today. We are forward. We are thirsty. We are sexually aggressive. And of course this showcases another form of hypocrisy. We chatise Men for their reaction to women and their looks and here we are fawning over a criminal!
We’d be all over men if the roles were reversed. We’d call them dogs, berate them and of course remind them that this is why good women are being passed over but we are to busy passing ourselves to bad boys to notice the good men.
And if a criminal catches our eye and makes us lose control it’s very easy to see how we end up in dysfunctional relationships with multiple baby daddies. It doesn’t take much. Be attractive. Be a thug. Have no ambition but I’ll have your babies. ..then I’ll complain about the bum I laid down with knowing you were a bum when I met you.
Good men are an afterthought after we let the bad boys run through us. Give us children. Sit around our house while WE pay the bills. Get disrespected. Then after we have a high body mileage we want the good man. We want him to play Daddy to the children we had with the bad boy or bad boys. The same men we mocked we look for them to marry us.
So we look for the cream of the crop to wife up bottom feeders. And I say bottom feeders because we were fueled by our lower selves.
“One user has set up a Facebook fan page for Meeks, who is being held in the San Joaquin County Jail on $900,000 bail.”
This is what we’re willing to do for a CRIMINAL. ..but let our Baby Daddy be behind on his child support…we’d show him NO mercy.
“He escorted his girls and changed their shoes from flats to heels. I think that is significant. That’s a huge step for daughters growing up and who better to head them into that stage of their life other than there dad.” ~Sharon Leonard
The above photo is of my first cousin, Marvin Leonard and his daughter. He is my hero!
When I look at this photo my mind quickly rushes back to happier times. Times when family meant cousins were best friends. Aunts and uncles were concerned with your welfare and grandparents loved you more than your parents.
When I look at this photo I just don’t see a season father, but I’m reminded of his giggles, and laughter and the responses of his tattling. Also, as I looking upon this wonderful photo I’m reminded of the moment I felt family prided as he stood before me in his Army uniform. I saw the boy and man roll into one. It was wonderful to see his stature stating he was ready to defend America and the American people. And, today, as his wife posted nothing but sentiments of love for the man she married, again I found myself filled with family prided.
It’s great to know my cousin got marriage and parenting responsibility right! Love you, Pom!
A couple of days ago someone new visited my blog. Therefore, I thought it would be nice to stop by their blog.
As I slowly scrolled down their posts feed I noticed a video that intrigued me. I, being me watched it! Afterwards, I thought it was one of the most powerful music videos I have seen in a long, very long, time. Therefore, I am sharing it with each of you. I hope you find it inspirational.
I dedicate this post to my dear friend Diana Woolfolk Wright McKnight. My heart and prayers are with you doing this difficult time of your life.