Day Ten: She Was Not A Good Looking Woman

Loving Yourself QuotesA couple of days ago I was in the grocery store.  And!  Yes!  I was couponing BIG FASHION!  When I saw this guy from when I was young.  I first met him through my step-brother.  During that time they belonged to a local dance group.  Well anywhohow, the man looked at me as if he was trying to place my face as his wife caught my mutual gaze.  Rudely, I kept staring with amazement!

I know I should have cared and turned my focus elsewhere.  But the ugliness of his wife would not let me stop gawking!  I truly could not help myself!  Thoughts of days gone by were flooding my mind as my eyes thought someone was playing a trick on me.

I was in shock!  Absolute shock!  And then my mind finally settled and whispered, “He ended up with that!”

Moral of this story:

I had such a crush on that guy but he didn’t like me [sad face]!  And as a young woman back then rejection made me feel extremely ugly.  So, to my dismay, I took the rejections of young men to heart.  Sadly and eventually, I told myself I was ugly and my wounded spirit believed me.  Regrettably, as a young woman I lived a life of not expecting good things; because, again, I thought I was ugly and unworthy of love.

When I saw the now older guy’s wife, and once the shock of what he married quickly wore off, I was reminded of an old cliché “beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder!”

Therefore, my message to young men and women is this :  Never take to heart another person’s rejection when seeking romance, love, friendship and lasting relationships.  There is someone for everyone.  There are friends to be made and friendships to end.  There is love and forever loved.  Be patient!  Live your life!  Enjoy your life!  You only come this way once!  It would be a waste of your life to walk with your spiritual head flopping all over the place because someone rejected you.  Rejection is a part of life and it is a very healthy part of growing.

Day Five: Son’s Need Encouragement

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATO MY SON

I look to you with hope and pride;
I see your future brightly.
Your deep concerns and aspirations
I will not take lightly.

The future is a mystery
That everyone explores.
I’ll share your possibilities,
Embrace your distant shores.

I’ll answer you when questions stir,
Encourage you, implore you.
But life’s a challenge shaped by dreams,
A gift I can’t live for you.

So live it well; respect it full;
Play your spirit out.
Seek and then discover
All the best that life’s about.

Remember that you’re not alone—
My love is always there.
The challenge that defines your life
My heart will gladly share.

You’re on a voyage into time,
A trip to somewhere new.
You may not always see me there,
But I’ll be there with you.

–Bruce B. Wilmer

A Message of Hope to His Daughter

Photo credit:  Annette Harrison
Photo credit: Annette Harrison

A couple of days ago my husband and I emailed his daughter.  Unfortunately, she struggles with self-worth.  And the emails she sends her dad and I are often heart-wrenching.  They cast a big shadow of gloom with no expected date of sunshine.  Sometimes after reading her messages I want to just fly to her home state and gobble her up with the biggest hug.  But that is impossible!  So the next best thing is to write her emails of compassion with hope that my husband and I aren’t making things worse.

I’m sharing this email because I thought it was inspirational.  It deals with the feelings of young people who often tend to lose their way because they are given bad advice.   In all honesty, there is no guarantee that everyone that sets out on their life quest will finish first or finish last; all a person can do is their best.

Dearest,

After hearing about your struggles I can see how you arrived at your fleeting moments of feeling unsuccessful.  Personally, Annette and I think you and Jake have been victims of bad advice.  It doesn’t mean the person(s) that gave the advice meant you or Jake harm.  It only means their information wasn’t conducive to the life and lifestyle you and Jake are seeking.  Remember, sweetheart, success depends on how you view life and what you truly want out of life.  And it’s fulfilling your dreams and not the desires of others that give meaning to being successfully satisfied.

Sadly, sweetie, people now days like being sold pipe-dreams.  I hope you’re not one of them.  Because the number one problem for most young people and couples are unrealistic ambitions that become constant let downs.  And once a person or a relationship reaches their limits with life disappointment most often desperation sets in with other negative feelings.  And sadly when that happens most, if not all, find themselves and their relationships in positions of compromise.

Jake is young and he have made some mistakes.  He is paying for some of those mistakes.  Or would it be better for me to write he has adjusted his life to accommodate the consequence of many of his choices?

You are young.  You’ve made some mistakes.  And, like Jake, you are paying for some of those mistakes.  Or would it be better for me to write that even you are finding ways to tailor your life to live with the consequence from the choices you made?

I’m not sure who is telling you that you should expect Jake to take care of you.  And in all honesty something doesn’t set well with me about that expectation.  I guess part of the reason that mindset doesn’t set well with me is because, it clips your wings as an individual, as a professional, as a woman, and eventually as a mother and mentor.

Another reason I believe that egocentric thought is harmful is because it defines or sets the tone for controlling and abusive relationships.  And in most cases where one partner takes care of the other partner, qualified to pull their weight, the relationship always end bad.  And each usually walks away feeling bitter and disappointed for different reasons.  So with that said, again, I think you and Jake, more so you have been victims of bad advice; mainly, because their concept does not help you or Jake reach what you seek for your lives as a young couple and as young people.

Annette and I weren’t sure if we should say anything about your feelings of hopeless, especially Annette.  She felt we needed to keep our nose out of yours and Jake’s business.  But I cringed upon hearing her words, especially since she is such a good parent to her own children.  Surely she could understand I want and have always wanted the best for my kids.  And I know that last sentence comes as a shock to you!  Laughter!  But don’t be so shocked!  And, yes, I want the best for you and your sisters.  And, yes, I have cried over my decision but it was made in the best interest for all.

My dear sweet wife had a change of heart about writing the letter as you can see.  And I’m glad!  What started out as a short email, later a book, and now an email again has been carefully written to send a message of love and encouragement.

So, I echo the sentiments of my wife, “you and Jake are doing great!”  But I think there is room for improvement.  Speaking from experience and as a man who has been married several times, I have fallen out of love with my first wife and I thought I had fallen out of love and in love with the second wife.  I noticed what kept and keeps my relationship together with my second wife is her ambition to help me help us.  My second wife is not perfect but she has my back.  And for a temporary moment I had forgotten that!

I hope the content of this email didn’t upset you.

Love,
Dad

Saturday Funnies: Grandma Still Drives

Grandma Still Drives 

Angry Drivers

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She
writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from
a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer
meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that
the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t
honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of
God!’

‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all
those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach..

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to
leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Featuring This Weeks Go Fund Me: Jason Addy

Photo taken from:  Go Fund Me
Photo taken from: Go Fund Me

The person Black Women Have It Going On is featuring this week for Go Fund Me is Jason Addy.  He attends Brown University.  He is creating his own major in humanity.  Other words, Jason is blazing his own path.  He will be traveling to Korea this year to study abroad.  He is trying to raise $4,000.  He has already received $160 in funding.

If you find his wish to study overseas worth supporting please visit his page and give.  Every dollar donated helps him to materialize his ambitions.  And to prove to you, my reader, that I believe in this young man I have donated $5 to his cause.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Granny’s Wisdom: Do Not Wear Out Your Welcome

This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.
This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.

I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.”  Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.

Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me.  I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young.  [chuckle]

I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that.  But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted.   And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’

As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.

I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.

Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day.  I was shocked!  It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

The message I get from this passage is:  don’t be so darn clingy!  Get a life!  Explore parts of your life without others.  Enjoy family when can.  And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.

I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom.  My grandmother has passed but her words live on.  And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom.  I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.

Vocabulary Mondays: surreptitiously

Lilly's Wedding Quilt2Recently, I purchased a new Amish love story by Kelly Long.  She’s a new author for me.  But I needed something to read and enjoy during moments of downtime.  And the title Lilly’s Wedding Quilt intrigued me.  So it was plucked off the shelf and placed into my basket with great anticipation for a romantic adventure.  But my limited vocabulary has made it hard for me to enjoy the book.  As I reflect upon my frustrations in having to stop reading to look for the meanings of words I probably will never use I find my behavior childish.  Honesty, I feel my juvenile outlook during reading this book keeps me stagnant in building my vocabulary.  So to keep me interested in reading what seems to be a great novel I have decided to use the words I do not know on Vocabulary Mondays.

Word:  surreptitiously

Part of Speech:  adjective

Meaning from Dictionary.com:

  1. obtained, done, made, etc., by stealth; secret or unauthorized; clandestine: a surreptitious glance.  
  2. acting in a stealthy way.
  3. obtained by subreption; subreptitious.

Word usage in “Lilly’s Wedding Quilt”:  “She blinked her eyes, licking surreptitiously at a splat of rain that dripped past her mouth, then spoke the first thing that came to her mind.”