God’s Little Nugget: Day Four

dark times teach you alot quotes

A couple of years back my husband and I loaned my son’s girlfriend five thousand dollars to purchase a car. We should have known when the first payment came due and she made no efforts to contact us or start repaying the monies she took that it would never be repaid.

Her actions aren’t unsettling as the actions of people that claim to like and love me are.  Loaning her such a large amount of money purchased me life lesson’s I will never forget.

This is what I’ve learned:

  • Some kisses and hugs that come across as sentimental are fake even when they come from trusted family members and loved ones.
  • Not everyone rejoice when you strive for and gain financial security.
  • Not everyone wishes you well.
  • Promissory Notes don’t secure your efforts in retrieving monies loaned.
  • Only evil people pretend to love you,
  • and only jealous people are glad for your misfortune.

What happened to me was a Black on Black crime.  She’s black.  I’m Black.  She took money she never meant to pay back.

Since that unfortunate moment I’ve learned about helping others, especially when I’m also in need of financial help.

The money she kept was money that would have paid upcoming and expected bills.

My husband and I paid an expensive price for the lesson I needed to learn.  If there’s a silver-lining in all of this I venture to write, I’m the better for what took place because I learned many things about “man’s inhumanity to man.”

 

The Prayer’s of Black Women: The Rite of Passage

“He escorted his girls and changed their shoes from flats to heels. I think that is significant. That’s a huge step for daughters growing up and who better to head them into that stage of their life other than there dad.”  ~Sharon Leonard

Marvin and his daughter

The above photo is of my first cousin, Marvin Leonard and his daughter.  He is my hero!

When I look at this photo my mind quickly rushes back to happier times.  Times when family meant cousins were best friends.  Aunts and uncles were concerned with your welfare and grandparents loved you more than your parents.

When I look at this photo I just don’t see a season father, but I’m reminded of his giggles, and laughter and the responses of his tattling.  Also, as I looking upon this wonderful photo I’m reminded of the moment I felt family prided as he stood before me in his Army uniform.  I saw the boy and man roll into one.  It was wonderful to see his stature stating he was ready to defend America and the American people.  And, today, as his wife posted nothing but sentiments of love for the man she married, again I found myself filled with family prided.

It’s great to know my cousin got marriage and parenting responsibility right!  Love you, Pom!

Saturday Funnies: Steve Harvey’s Dad Monster Makeover Gone Wrong

This is the saddest but cutest video of a dad trying to fit in with family fun!  It really does make you say, “Awh.  Poor kids.  Poor dad.”

 

Granny’s Wisdom: Do Not Wear Out Your Welcome

This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.
This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.

I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.”  Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.

Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me.  I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young.  [chuckle]

I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that.  But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted.   And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’

As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.

I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.

Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day.  I was shocked!  It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

The message I get from this passage is:  don’t be so darn clingy!  Get a life!  Explore parts of your life without others.  Enjoy family when can.  And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.

I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom.  My grandmother has passed but her words live on.  And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom.  I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.

A Letter to Jahi McMath Family

Photographer:  Unknown
Photographer: Unknown

As a mother and a humanitarian I can only imagine the heaviness of your hearts.  Death is not easy to emotionally and mentally digest.  The news of a loved ones’ passing seems to eat away at the soul-searching for understanding.  Understanding no words of comfort expressed can give because grief is an individual spiritual process.  And since it was a healthy child and a member of your family that died the search for understanding is all the more vital.  And I’m sure you have heard the following words more than you care to hear them:  The death of a child is so unnatural.

I don’t want my thoughts to sound callous because I really do understand your sorrow; but it just seems the statement “The death of a child is so unnatural” are meaningless words when there are no answers to explain a tragic parting.  No parent or grandparent should outlive their child or grand-children.  So, truly, my heart goes out to each of you as individuals and a family group because you were left without the opportunity to say last goodbyes to Jahi.

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.

To my family, friends, loved ones, and readers:

I am asking you to share my post.  Not because I need followers but the McMath family will need financial help for final expenses once Jahi is taken off life support.  You can give at: http://www.gofundme.com/team-jahi.

Today, Monday, December 23, 2013, the judge will make a decision for the fate of her earthly remains.  You can follow the story at:  http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/local/girl-left-brain-dead-after-tonsil-surgery-being-ta/ncMgG/

 

 

The Prayers of Black Women: How to Treat The Weak

US Navy 100423-N-0641S-143 Mara MacDonald demo...
US Navy 100423-N-0641S-143 Mara MacDonald demonstrates different massage techniques to a group of new mothers and their babies in an infant massage class (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let us not therefore judge one another any more:  but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.

Romans 14:13

Lord thank you for this day we have never seen before.  Everything within this day is new.  This day has started with no mistakes; it has given those that believe in you a new hope.

Lord this prayer concerns mans inhumanity to man.  Lord it feels as if the spirit of compassion has been taken from most parents, thus, leaving some humans empty shells when it involves the parent to child relationships.

Therefore, prayer is being offered for parents that can’t unconditionally love, provide, guide, protect and parent with friendly intentions their children. Lord, please help those parents understand that children are weak by comparison because they are kids.  Lord, please help those parents to understand that children are given to us to love, nurture and guide into adulthood.  Lord help those parents to understand everyone comes with challenges.  Lord help those parents to understand that everyone has an adulterous spirit.  For your words clearly say’s in John 8:7:  “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  

Lord please show these parents when they parent without compassion they are putting stumblingblocks in their children’s path.

Your Loving Daughter

Annette

Taboo Tuesdays: Learning to be Happy in Your Skin – Part II

Last week I shared the following story:

MA Concerned Mom asked:

I have asked my friends and family a million times but nothing works maybe someone can give me something else to try? I have a daughter who is 5 she is half african american half white. She is a beautiful girl but she HATES her color (carmel). Ive tried explaining to her that she is beautiful and no matter what color she is she is beautiful. Ive tried explaining everything to her it dont work! My son is very pale color and she seems to be so jealous of him I even have a hard time getting her to go to her.dads house or family’s cause she dont want to be around “colored” people. Its like she resents them for her color! She often ask who God punished her and made her brown or if she can paint herself white. Please someone have tips? Im out of ideads..

Taboo Tues Blog PhotoWhen I read the story something about the content tapped into my hidden issues of self-hatred.  I immediately recognized the unhealthy emotions as painful childhood memories.  Honestly, I wanted them to remain buried.  Mainly because they are suppressed memories from my childhood.   I didn’t know how to deal with them.  Yet something bigger, something greater, did not want my feelings of hopelessness to stay buried.  Apparently it is time I visited the giants that seemed so much bigger to the little girl in the photo.

Coming across the plea from a hopeless mother has changed my life.  The story casts light on my life learned lessons about self-hatred.

Now that I am an adult I am wiser than the little girl within that continues to feel helpless, unloved, and ugly.  Unknown to her I can go to the giants of rejection, abuse, and self mutilation.   I can knock on their door without fear.  I can barge my way into restraint places as a protector of hers and my mental well being.  And most of all I give my spirit the authority to emotionally rescue the little girl in the photo and join her with the woman I have become.

Love yourself, for if you don’t how can you expect anybody else to love you? ~Author Unknown

Taboo Tuesdays: Learning to be Happy in Your Skin – Part I

MA Concerned Mom asked:

I have asked my friends and family a million times but nothing works maybe someone can give me something else to try? I have a daughter who is 5 she is half african american half white. She is a beautiful girl but she HATES her color (carmel). Ive tried explaining to her that she is beautiful and no matter what color she is she is beautiful. Ive tried explaining everything to her it dont work! My son is very pale color and she seems to be so jealous of him I even have a hard time getting her to go to her.dads house or family’s cause she dont want to be around “colored” people. Its like she resents them for her color! She often ask who God punished her and made her brown or if she can paint herself white. Please someone have tips? Im out of ideads..

Time to reflect:

“He wished he could be anywhere else and anyone else but Here and Him.”
― James R. SilvestriHawthorn Road

Years have passed.  Memories of being unhappy in my skin are never remembered.  Well almost never remembered, that’s until something provokes old thoughts of self-hate or someone expresses personal dislike about themselves.  Any-who-how . . .

When I was younger I remember vividly how I hated being black.  During this time one thing was for sure, I wanted my dad to be black and my mother to be white, but I didn’t want to be a whole of one certain race.  It was clear in my minds-eye that I wanted to be mulatto.  I didn’t want to change the color of my skin.  I was happy being brown.  But as I continue to return to my past memories I’m reminded it was my short nappy hair!

Taboo Tues Blog Photo
I’m 5 years old in this photo.

I hated my hair!  It was nappy!  It was short!  And it was scanty around my hairline!

People made fun of my hair and that included family members.

I was sad all the time.  I cried all the time.  People thought I was mentally unstable.  Unbeknown to them, I tried to be happy.  I wanted to be happy.  But there was no happiness for me because I was born with a social imperfection.  And despite my age, the people in the world and unkind family members continually let me know I was not perfect!

Painfully I hate to admit, my hair became the doorway for people to taunt me.  My hair became the doorway for me to cultivate and nurture the spirit of self-hate.

I was heckled at school and harassed at home!  I had nowhere to run nor to hide.  With much sorrow my hair or lack thereof was a constant reminder that people thought I was ugly.  Oh!  No one said it!  But their rude remarks about my temporary birth defect implied it!

As I reflect, I am now beginning to understand why I quickly [stressing quickly] remove people from my life that inflect pain upon me.  My defensive actions were a mystery to me and something I didn’t understand before now.  I’m amazed at my discovery about my unyielding spirit when it comes to keeping people at a distance once they hurt me.  Because most times I forgive people who hurt me immediately; but rarely do I allow them back in my life to cause me more grief.

Had I not stumbled upon the above petition from a mother that wanted to help her five-year old daughter I would not be dealing with past hurts. Dang!  I hate moments like this!  I . . . just wish the hurtful memories would return to the section of my mind I have made for them and stay put!

I’m coming to a close but I would like to ask a question, or two or maybe three.

If discussing birth-defects or genetic imperfections is taboo, then why the heck do people cruelly make fun of people who have them?  Is it because they also feel less accepted, therefore, they must pick on a person that is socially deemed imperfect to feel better?  Or are such people, just, downright mean-spirited?

 

Mother’s Day Prayer for The Barren Woman

By:  Henry Lee Battle

As I reflect on heart-felt thoughts in celebration about motherhood, this is a painful memory of a barren woman I understood.

There’s no prescription that can help her out.
There’s no one who can hear her inward painful shouts.
She suffers alone the shameful thoughts of being barren
And feel there is no one who really is truly caring.

She can never see rays from morning sunshine’s.
In the deepest of her barren womb despair
Her companions love can never compare
To a little one that is not there.

So as she looks upon baby bumps you see
All she understands is there no child within me.
She feels she’s to blame for being barren you see,
As she continues to recite there is no child within me.

She questions the universe as to what she has done
To deserve the unbearable fate of having no little one.
Her womb will not give birth to little Samantha or Nate
She feels she will never hear the patter of little feet herself proclaim fate.

As a mother and a woman with total compassion
I would like to express to the woman with a barren womb
Please don’t bury yourself in an unnamed tomb.
For I feel you are more special than I
Because the creator walks by your mournful side.

So in celebration of motherhood everywhere
Let us take time to remember the barren woman in despair.
For the burden of being barren make her special you see,
Because she has taught us to cherish the children given unto thee.

© Artis Harrison