A Message of Hope to His Daughter

Photo credit:  Annette Harrison
Photo credit: Annette Harrison

A couple of days ago my husband and I emailed his daughter.  Unfortunately, she struggles with self-worth.  And the emails she sends her dad and I are often heart-wrenching.  They cast a big shadow of gloom with no expected date of sunshine.  Sometimes after reading her messages I want to just fly to her home state and gobble her up with the biggest hug.  But that is impossible!  So the next best thing is to write her emails of compassion with hope that my husband and I aren’t making things worse.

I’m sharing this email because I thought it was inspirational.  It deals with the feelings of young people who often tend to lose their way because they are given bad advice.   In all honesty, there is no guarantee that everyone that sets out on their life quest will finish first or finish last; all a person can do is their best.

Dearest,

After hearing about your struggles I can see how you arrived at your fleeting moments of feeling unsuccessful.  Personally, Annette and I think you and Jake have been victims of bad advice.  It doesn’t mean the person(s) that gave the advice meant you or Jake harm.  It only means their information wasn’t conducive to the life and lifestyle you and Jake are seeking.  Remember, sweetheart, success depends on how you view life and what you truly want out of life.  And it’s fulfilling your dreams and not the desires of others that give meaning to being successfully satisfied.

Sadly, sweetie, people now days like being sold pipe-dreams.  I hope you’re not one of them.  Because the number one problem for most young people and couples are unrealistic ambitions that become constant let downs.  And once a person or a relationship reaches their limits with life disappointment most often desperation sets in with other negative feelings.  And sadly when that happens most, if not all, find themselves and their relationships in positions of compromise.

Jake is young and he have made some mistakes.  He is paying for some of those mistakes.  Or would it be better for me to write he has adjusted his life to accommodate the consequence of many of his choices?

You are young.  You’ve made some mistakes.  And, like Jake, you are paying for some of those mistakes.  Or would it be better for me to write that even you are finding ways to tailor your life to live with the consequence from the choices you made?

I’m not sure who is telling you that you should expect Jake to take care of you.  And in all honesty something doesn’t set well with me about that expectation.  I guess part of the reason that mindset doesn’t set well with me is because, it clips your wings as an individual, as a professional, as a woman, and eventually as a mother and mentor.

Another reason I believe that egocentric thought is harmful is because it defines or sets the tone for controlling and abusive relationships.  And in most cases where one partner takes care of the other partner, qualified to pull their weight, the relationship always end bad.  And each usually walks away feeling bitter and disappointed for different reasons.  So with that said, again, I think you and Jake, more so you have been victims of bad advice; mainly, because their concept does not help you or Jake reach what you seek for your lives as a young couple and as young people.

Annette and I weren’t sure if we should say anything about your feelings of hopeless, especially Annette.  She felt we needed to keep our nose out of yours and Jake’s business.  But I cringed upon hearing her words, especially since she is such a good parent to her own children.  Surely she could understand I want and have always wanted the best for my kids.  And I know that last sentence comes as a shock to you!  Laughter!  But don’t be so shocked!  And, yes, I want the best for you and your sisters.  And, yes, I have cried over my decision but it was made in the best interest for all.

My dear sweet wife had a change of heart about writing the letter as you can see.  And I’m glad!  What started out as a short email, later a book, and now an email again has been carefully written to send a message of love and encouragement.

So, I echo the sentiments of my wife, “you and Jake are doing great!”  But I think there is room for improvement.  Speaking from experience and as a man who has been married several times, I have fallen out of love with my first wife and I thought I had fallen out of love and in love with the second wife.  I noticed what kept and keeps my relationship together with my second wife is her ambition to help me help us.  My second wife is not perfect but she has my back.  And for a temporary moment I had forgotten that!

I hope the content of this email didn’t upset you.

Love,
Dad

Do Some Women Really Want Thug Love?

Man going to prisonI’ve been silent on Facebook for the past couple of days; but a friend posted this article of a fine young man I thought would make for interesting reading material.  Not sure of his race but he does have some black in him.  However, I guess someone has decided to do a fundraiser to pay this good-looking mans bail.  His bail is set for $900,000!  Wow!  I know!  Right!  He is truly a bad boy indeed . . .

Well, I’m sharing the thoughts of another writer, that I agree with, about this young mans criminal rise to fame among the women because he is eye-candy:

You know there are some days where I’m embarrassed to be a woman. Today is one of those days. The mugshot of Jeremy Meeks has gone viral and the comments from WOMEN are vulgar and disgusting. On some sites his picture has gotten 45K likes and even up to over 200K likes.

His charges are as follows:

“The 30-year-old Stockton, CA convicted felon is being held on $900,000 bail for illegally possessing firearms and ammo, carrying a loaded firearm in public and criminal street gang activity. The specific charge is street terrorism.”

In addition to the comments on the picture, I’ve read comments of women stating the sexually explicit things they would do to him, how they love thugs and want to have his babies.

And we have the nerve to complain about the lack of good men! Apparently we aren’t looking for a good man. We want that thug love. That thug passion. The Bad Boy.

This is very telling of the state of mind that women have today. We are forward. We are thirsty. We are sexually aggressive. And of course this showcases another form of hypocrisy. We chatise Men for their reaction to women and their looks and here we are fawning over a criminal!

We’d be all over men if the roles were reversed. We’d call them dogs, berate them and of course remind them that this is why good women are being passed over but we are to busy passing ourselves to bad boys to notice the good men.

And if a criminal catches our eye and makes us lose control it’s very easy to see how we end up in dysfunctional relationships with multiple baby daddies. It doesn’t take much. Be attractive. Be a thug. Have no ambition but I’ll have your babies. ..then I’ll complain about the bum I laid down with knowing you were a bum when I met you.

Good men are an afterthought after we let the bad boys run through us. Give us children. Sit around our house while WE pay the bills. Get disrespected. Then after we have a high body mileage we want the good man. We want him to play Daddy to the children we had with the bad boy or bad boys. The same men we mocked we look for them to marry us.

So we look for the cream of the crop to wife up bottom feeders. And I say bottom feeders because we were fueled by our lower selves.

“One user has set up a Facebook fan page for Meeks, who is being held in the San Joaquin County Jail on $900,000 bail.”

This is what we’re willing to do for a CRIMINAL. ..but let our Baby Daddy be behind on his child support…we’d show him NO mercy.

 — with Renée Mills.

Granny’s Wisdom: Do Not Wear Out Your Welcome

This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.
This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.

I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.”  Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.

Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me.  I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young.  [chuckle]

I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that.  But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted.   And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’

As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.

I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.

Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day.  I was shocked!  It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

The message I get from this passage is:  don’t be so darn clingy!  Get a life!  Explore parts of your life without others.  Enjoy family when can.  And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.

I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom.  My grandmother has passed but her words live on.  And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom.  I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.

Vocabulary Mondays: surreptitiously

Lilly's Wedding Quilt2Recently, I purchased a new Amish love story by Kelly Long.  She’s a new author for me.  But I needed something to read and enjoy during moments of downtime.  And the title Lilly’s Wedding Quilt intrigued me.  So it was plucked off the shelf and placed into my basket with great anticipation for a romantic adventure.  But my limited vocabulary has made it hard for me to enjoy the book.  As I reflect upon my frustrations in having to stop reading to look for the meanings of words I probably will never use I find my behavior childish.  Honesty, I feel my juvenile outlook during reading this book keeps me stagnant in building my vocabulary.  So to keep me interested in reading what seems to be a great novel I have decided to use the words I do not know on Vocabulary Mondays.

Word:  surreptitiously

Part of Speech:  adjective

Meaning from Dictionary.com:

  1. obtained, done, made, etc., by stealth; secret or unauthorized; clandestine: a surreptitious glance.  
  2. acting in a stealthy way.
  3. obtained by subreption; subreptitious.

Word usage in “Lilly’s Wedding Quilt”:  “She blinked her eyes, licking surreptitiously at a splat of rain that dripped past her mouth, then spoke the first thing that came to her mind.”

HBO’s Documentary On A Single Mother Living Paycheck to Paycheck

Starts tonight!  I’m pulling for the single mom in this show.  I’m hoping she can turn things around as she continues to provided for children.  I don’t have HBO; therefore, I can’t watch it.  So, again, I wish this young woman all the best!  For those of you that do have HBO keep me posted.

Old School Wisdom: A Lady Never Kisses and Tells

Photo taken from:  The Queen Bee of Bees
Photo taken from: The Queen Bee of Bees

Please do not ask me why but I belong to a group where white men and black women search for interracial love.  And, yes, I am married, so please don’t add more to my belonging to this group other than:  I joined for nostalgic reasons.  My husband knows I am associated with the group and he is okay with me being a member.  But my blog post today is not about why I joined such a group.  Actually the subject is more in line with  “A Lady Never Kisses and Tells.”

A couple of weeks ago I noticed the group heating up with activity.  So one day I zipped cyberly into the room where I quietly watched the dialogues between the sexes.

After a young woman had blown the cover of a married man he started calling all the women in the group “hoes.”  And the unconventional responses from the young women failed to put the disrespectful young man in his proper place; therefore, he became more abusive because he knew he was saying things that upset the women.  Sadly the administrator(s) of the group supported this young man’s abrasive behavior.  Especially since he/she/they did not temporarily or permanently remove him from the community.  So, me, as an old schooler sitting and watching the conversation unfold witness rejection at its worse and low self-esteem at its peak.  But what bugged me most was the following question asked by another man within the group:

Lets talk about blowjobs. What are your thoughts, feelings, opinions and knowledge on the subject?

When I told my husband I had a problem with the question my husband said, “You got a problem with that question?  With all the other [implicated deleted] going on and you got a problem with that question?”  Regrettably, I must confess my husband in private spoke like a true man!  Ugh!

Oh!  But my hubby didn’t stop with the above [not so funny] statements he then continued his humor by saying, “He was running a primary election trying to find the right candidate.  He was being Democratic.”

It’s obvious my husband finds the question humorous while I’m totally offended by it.  For the record, I am not a prude but, I am a person that believes ‘A Lady Never Kisses and Tells.’  And I felt any woman who responded to the question would be foolish!  Because the question was posed to scout-out desperate naïve women that would be willing to do anything of a sexual nature for a chance at love.

However, there is one thing my husband and I both agree on, and that is “the guy was trying to fill a job position.”  And every women that answered his question was possibly considered for the job.

Word to the young:

If an acquaintance is willing to discuss sexual preference before they cultivate a meaningful and lasting relationship with you, then they are looking to satisfy their sexual appetite and any person will do!  Don’t you be that any person unless you are looking to be a one-night stand! And even when a woman has a one night-stand she holds true to ‘A Lady Never Kisses and Tells’!

     

The Prayers of Black Women: Prayer For Those That Talk Too Much

The Man With Leprosy
(Luke 5:12-14)

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

¹²While Jesus was in one of the town, a man came along who was covered with leprosy.  When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”  ¹³Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.  “I am willing.” he said.  “Be Clean!”  And immediately the leprosy left him.  14Then Jesus ordered him, “Don’t tell anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them.

Lord, some people talk too much because they want other’s to hear their “know it all” speeches;  then again some people talk too much because of nerves chatter; and, then, Lord, some people talk too much because of self-absorption.  But this prayer is for those that talk to much because of emotional and mental pain that overflows into their daily conversations.

Lord, help the person that is in emotional or mental pain to see that you enter into their lives everyday.  Lord help them to understand you know their spirits are filled with worries.  Let them know Lord they are no different from the man with leprosy when it comes to your unyielding love for your creation.  Lord, allow them to feel your presence; and gently convey to their spirits that you stand waiting to heal their brokenness.  Lord, give them the words to ask in prayer for guidance and healing as they create a dialogue between you and them.

I am asking for you to do these things Lord because:  I have found those that unwittingly share life experiences have been greatly wounded.  And because of their sorrows I come humbly before your Throne of Grace.  So, once again, Lord, I am asking for divine healing for those that talk too much as they try to ease their emotional and mental pains.  Lord, I ask that they find a true friend in you.  Lord, I pray that you begin to peel the layers of untold anguish from their unconscious minds.  Exposing their raw emotions for what they are as you help them to deal with each heartache privately.  For in lessening their spiritual suffering they can find hope.  And in finding hope they will find wisdom in who to share your blessings among and their tribulations with.

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette