Navigating Family Trees: Mistakes and Communication

“I am bound to them though I cannot look into their eyes or hear their voices. I honor their history. I cherish their lives. I will tell their story. I will remember them for I am the result of the very love, struggle, sacrifice and journey of thousands.” Author Unknown

Good day from the beautiful lands of Colorado! Well! I never seem to post blogs I’ve written. Let’s see if this one will make the light of day.

A few days ago, I reached out to a second cousin on a genealogy website with what I thought was a simple question—just to find out which of her parents was connected to us. She responded that she couldn’t help because she doesn’t have access to my family tree. I wasn’t asking for much; I just wanted to know that one simple thing. That’s all I needed!

I told her I would grant her access to the tree I created for her and her family. I then clarified that I make a separate tree for each DNA match. I do this until I figure out how the person is related to me. This process helps me avoid errors.

Every tree will have errors, especially in the early stages of researching family history. And! I made several mistakes during my early research. Nothing frustrates me more than discovering such inaccuracies, only to have to pause my current research project. It is necessary to correct these errors, as leaving them unaddressed only deepens frustration and confusion.

My decision to deny access to my main genealogy tree instantly halted communication. I have since removed the pending invitation. This interaction reinforced a critical life lesson: Be selective about granting access to private spaces and data. People must be more intentional about setting these boundaries.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we ask that you watch over us on our journey to discover our family’s past. Amen

Finding Joy in Every New Day: A Personal Journey

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

It’s almost two in the morning, and I realize I must have fallen asleep early again. The house is peacefully quiet, and I want to do everything I can to not wake my family. So, I’ll settle at my desktop and write a little about why each new day fills me with joy.

When I was in my twenties, my mom essentially sent me into exile. She had no idea how her reckless decision, based on a lie, would impact me and my kids. My mom was aware that the world was a harsh and unforgiving place to navigate with a family. And she knew it’s even tougher without a support system. Yet, she still sent her child and grandchildren into it unprepared and unprotected. I remember crying a lot during this time.

Money was tight, and I had no clear career path, feeling like hope was out of reach. Without family support to guide me, I struggled to find my purpose. I was going through a string of relationships, searching for love, but often felt taken advantage of. That’s when God’s hand moved, and I was led into therapy.

Throughout my journey, I saw multiple therapists. One therapist stands out for telling me, “I don’t get why you’re so comfortable staying stuck.” In hindsight, it was heartbreaking—he didn’t realize that being mentally stuck felt like my sanctuary. It wasn’t until a decade later that his comment sunk in. And it was then that I began to make strides in changing how I moved throughout my life and the lives of others.

I made plenty of mistakes, but God’s grace was always there for me, each and every day. From the challenging life I struggled through, I learned about grace. I started sharing this lesson with my children. Grace became the reason why my children and I understood what family truly means. Let’s pray!

PRAYER

God, thank you for every day to make a difference in our lives and the lives of others. Amen

Honoring Truth in Legacy and Loss

Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

I recently viewed Phil Robertson’s celebration of life ceremony. I was profoundly moved by his service for numerous reasons. However, the primary reason is that his legacy was grounded in truth. It is all too common for us to attend funerals where inaccuracies are presented about the deceased, either to enhance their reputation or to detract from it. During such moments, the atmosphere becomes laden with an unsettling heaviness, creating a sensation that the spirits are lingering, unable to transition peacefully.

In my family, we experienced the loss of a relative, and their offspring spent years proclaiming to anyone willing to listen that they represented their deceased parent’s legacy. Unbeknownst to them, many were laughing and speaking disparagingly about the parent, as their shortcomings were significant. And what was even more chilling was their behavior as they embraced their parents’ deceitful legacy as their own.

During my observation of Phil’s funeral, I arrived at the conclusion that it is not the deceased whom I fear, but rather the living individuals who perpetuate deception that instill a sense of apprehension within me. Consequently, I have chosen to forgo a traditional funeral in favor of a brief graveside service. My intention is to protect my children from the deception of those I have spent years shielding them against. I do not wish for my children to find themselves embroiled in disputes over possessions they did not earn and were only bequeathed to them upon my passing. It is my belief that my life should signify more than mere financial gain. I desire for them to understand that the time I dedicated to self-improvement, so I could become a better person and mother, is what truly matters, as I could not have achieved either without the guidance of Christ. And! This is what I witnessed at Phil’s services.

PRAYER

Father God, I humbly ask that you sweep over the souls who follow you and desire to follow you. Amen

Luke 12:48 – Abundance of Knowledge

But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. Luke 12:48

Sometimes, you have to embody the words you preach!

Yesterday, I contacted a business regarding an issue with one of their products. In my first call, I spoke with a young Black woman. While she was managing my account, I shared my thoughts concerning the current situation in the U.S. Unfortunately, the call dropped, and I had to contact the company again to resolve the issue. Interestingly, the second representative I spoke to was a White woman. She started the conversation off on a sour note! Frustrated with her attitude, I requested a transfer, but she told me I had no choice but to continue speaking with her. In response, I said I would hang up and call back. I did just that! On my third call, I talked to another Black woman. I got straight to the point because I didn’t want the call to drop, and while she was assisting me, we discussed something that prompted her to say, “I live in a poor state.” The way she expressed it made me feel she felt trapped. We managed to resolve the issue, and the call ended with pleasantries and her feeling unheard regarding a personal disappointment.

To my surprise, she called me on her cell phone! I answered. I usually don’t answer calls unless I recognize the number or anticipate a business inquiry. Our conversation was brief, but nothing I said seemed to alleviate the pain she was expressing. Her responses made it evident that she felt isolated in her struggles as if she were the only one experiencing what she was going through.

This morning, I received a message that my Facebook page was scheduled for permanent removal due to trademark violations. A Meta’s customer service representative offered me the option to file a complaint, but I have none—it’s their business and their rules. I chose to move forward calmly. Although I was surprised that the email didn’t specify the content that was being violated, I responded that I respect others’ rights and understand Facebook/Meta must act in their interests. With that said, “Black Women Have It Going On” remains true regardless of the status of a Facebook page. Let’s pray!

PRAYER

Father God, I express my gratitude for the ability to read, understand, and the freedom to articulate my thoughts. I ask that I never intentionally use my blessings to harm others, regardless of whether they deserve such a response. I urge you to visit every workplace and bring forth the spirit of peace, freeing individuals who feel trapped, believing their current position is the ultimate goal. Show them the many opportunities that await. Amen

Day Nineteen – Removing Clutter

October 8, 2023

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

Tomorrow, I will write why my friend means so much to me. But, today I will continue on with telling the story of why my ex is still a snake. Sigh. Well, any-who-how, when my friend and I did connect we talked for hours! Hours! We caught up on everything and everybody we knew and didn’t know. As we covered our life journey my heart sank to the bottom of my already disappointed stomach once she said, “Oh, yeah, I’m an engineer and a realtor.” I remembered she was an engineer and a property investor but I must have forgotten she was a realtor. Shame on me! Because I allowed time to rob me of so many good memories. Yet, I’m glad I never forgot she’s a successful engineer that continues to reach back into her community to inspire young and old. She is truly amazing! And from the sounds of things her successes intimidate men. Her open desire to have a faithful husband and grandchild clearly shows no matter how successful you become, the heart always want to belong and connect with family. Let’s pray!

PRAYER

Our hearts are burdened for our friends who are hurting right now. We ask that you would be their comforter, that you would cover them with your infinite grace and mercy, surrounding them in peace during this dark season. We pray for fresh grace, for renewed strength, for your goodness and mercy over their lives today.

We thank you that you alone are our refuge and strong tower. We thank you that no matter what we face, you are still on the throne, you are still in control, and nothing can ever stand against you. Thank you that you hold the victory in this world, and you have promised in your Word that you will be with us through any hardship we may face.

We know that only in you do we have the hope to face dark and uncertain times, for our future is held secure through the gift of Christ. We ask for you to extend your hope and compassion to our loved ones right now. In these days when they’re struggling, or seem to have lost their way at times, would you please remind them that you are still here. With them. Close. That you are bigger than this storm they’re facing, and you promise to hold them secure.

Thank you God that you are with us always, that your presence is mighty, and you hear our prayers on behalf of those we love. We ask that you would show yourself strong on their behalf. Remind them that nothing is too difficult for you, and you are leading them through this difficult time, covering them in your care. We know and believe beyond any doubt, that your power and love will never fail.

You are always trustworthy. You are all-powerful. You are fully able. You are Lord over every situation no matter how difficult it may seem. You are our healer and will never waste the pain we carry today. You promise to use all things for good in some way, because you are a God of miracles and nothing is too difficult for you.

All these burdens we carry for our friend today, we lay at your feet, Lord. We give them to you, and we thank you that you hear our prayers and are at work on their behalf even now. Thank you that you fight for us, even when we can’t see all that you’re doing, even when we can’t fully understand your ways. We know that nothing can ever separate us from your great love and care, and our loved ones are safe in your hands. ~Debbie McDaniel

The Prayer’s of Black Women: The Rite of Passage

“He escorted his girls and changed their shoes from flats to heels. I think that is significant. That’s a huge step for daughters growing up and who better to head them into that stage of their life other than there dad.” ~Sharon Leonard

The above photo is of my first cousin, Marvin Leonard and his daughter. He is my hero!

When I look at this photo my mind quickly rushes back to happier times. Times when family meant cousins were best friends. Aunts and uncles were concerned with your welfare and grandparents loved you more than your parents.

When I look at this photo I just don’t see a season father, but I’m reminded of his giggles, and laughter and the responses of his tattling. Also, as I looking upon this wonderful photo I’m reminded of the moment I felt family prided as he stood before me in his Army uniform. I saw the boy and man roll into one. It was wonderful to see his stature stating he was ready to defend America and the American people. And, today, as his wife posted nothing but sentiments of love for the man she married, again I found myself filled with family prided.

It’s great to know my cousin got marriage and parenting responsibility right! Love you, Pom!

Granny’s Wisdom: Do Not Wear Out Your Welcome

This is my second cousin, Felicia Hayes, and my grandmother, Queen Hayes.

I wonder how many people have heard the phrase “do not wear out your welcome.” Hum . . . I first heard the expression from my grandmother when I was young.

Back when I was once a kid, and a know-it-all, it seemed my late maternal grandmother would always say those words to my cousins, my siblings and me. I’m not sure how my family members took her wisdom; but back when I was a child I thought my grandmother was old, uncaring, uneducated, mean-spirited, and truly out of touch with the mental and emotional needs of the young. [chuckle]

I can remember as if it was yesterday sassing her for this or that. But nothing stands out more than the time she would not let me go over to my cousin’s house as often as I wanted. And, sadly, it was late into my adult years before I understood the meaning ‘do not wear out your welcome.’

As I’m looking back on things and reflecting upon how I dismissed her words of caution, I now understand why my life was filled with heartaches.

I hate to admit to myself but I deserved all the bumps I got from being hardheaded; and my self enlightenment really makes me feel foolish about things I had blame on others.

Well, any-who-how . . . It was by divine revelation I found the phrase in the Bible one day. I was shocked! It was amazing to read that God gives his children the same warning!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

The message I get from this passage is: don’t be so darn clingy! Get a life! Explore parts of your life without others. Enjoy family when can. And remember a bit of you goes a long ways.

I’m coming to terms with my granny’s wisdom. My grandmother has passed but her words live on. And each day that I live I think about her abrasive and unharness wisdom. I’m learning she was indeed the smartest woman I will ever know and most of all she loved me.

The Prayers of Black Women: How to Treat The Weak

Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.

Romans 14:13

Lord thank you for this day we have never seen before. Everything within this day is new. This day has started with no mistakes; it has given those that believe in you a new hope.

Lord this prayer concerns mans inhumanity to man. Lord it feels as if the spirit of compassion has been taken from most parents, thus, leaving some humans empty shells when it involves the parent to child relationships.

Therefore, prayer is being offered for parents that can’t unconditionally love, provide, guide, protect and parent with friendly intentions their children. Lord, please help those parents understand that children are weak by comparison because they are kids. Lord, please help those parents to understand that children are given to us to love, nurture and guide into adulthood. Lord help those parents to understand everyone comes with challenges. Lord help those parents to understand that everyone has an adulterous spirit. For your words clearly say’s in John 8:7: “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

Lord please show these parents when they parent without compassion they are putting stumblingblocks in their children’s path.

Your Loving Daughter

Annette

A mummys Prayer for HELP… (mythreeapples.wordpress.com)
Parenting Pt.3 “It Takes A Village” (scottstrissel.wordpress.com)
How to Help Children Handle Fears and Anxieties (strongholdlife.com)
Our prayer for the new school year (angelasentell.wordpress.com)
Daily Prayer: Children (crossingpathsdaily.wordpress.com)

Mother’s Day Prayer for The Barren Woman

As I reflect on heart-felt thoughts in celebration about motherhood, this is a painful memory of a barren woman I understood.

There’s no prescription that can help her out.
There’s no one who can hear her inward painful shouts.
She suffers alone the shameful thoughts of being barren
And feel there is no one who really is truly caring.

She can never see rays from morning sunshine’s.
In the deepest of her barren womb despair
Her companions love can never compare
To a little one that is not there.

So as she looks upon baby bumps you see
All she understands is there no child within me.
She feels she’s to blame for being barren you see,
As she continues to recite there is no child within me.

She questions the universe as to what she has done
To deserve the unbearable fate of having no little one.
Her womb will not give birth to little Samantha or Nate
She feels she will never hear the patter of little feet herself proclaim fate.

As a mother and a woman with total compassion
I would like to express to the woman with a barren womb
Please don’t bury yourself in an unnamed tomb.
For I feel you are more special than I
Because the creator walks by your mournful side.

So in celebration of motherhood everywhere
Let us take time to remember the barren woman in despair.
For the burden of being barren make her special you see,
Because she has taught us to cherish the children given unto thee.

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you. Proverbs 25:17

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