Part I: Should Black Women Be Wives and or Mother’s?

I'm a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.
I’m a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.

Here’s another one of those post I blogged in April of 2013.  And, again, it didn’t get published because I didn’t believe I was a good enough writer.  I’ve made no changes really to my then thoughts.  The words are what they are because I felt them then. 

Well [pause] [sigh] before I started this post I tried to tackle another irrational comment that YouTube voyager said about Black women, but I became greatly frustrated.  Not because I could not argue my point(s) but I need facts.  Unfortunately the facts weren’t in our favor on one particular subject.  At least not yet!  Therefore, I have selected to discuss the roles Black women play as spouses and in motherhood.  Given my personal and professional experience I can hold my own in speaking on Black women and their roles as suitable mates and raising children.

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Honestly, I don’t know what rock this man crawled from under but he needs a realty check when it comes to discussing issues concerning Black women; and without question he surely needs to learn how to support his off-the-cuff theories with facts; because from where I sit he is very provincial in his comments.  He and his bad advice to those that will listen to him gives me the creeps!  He sounds like a Black Hitler in the making!  Really!

Hitler was a horrid man!  Horrid!  He was a great orator.  He made people believe they could fly when they could not.  But he was a horrible man with a horrible plan!  He made people kill their disable loved ones, in addition, he made people kill an ethnic group because each did not meet the standards or have the features of what he perceived to be the perfect German.

People!  People!  People!  “Those that fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.”  Do you know who said that?  I know who said those wonderful words but do you know?  Because they are true!  To me this young black man on YouTube is like Hitler.  He comes across as a great speaker.  He gives perception of being concern with humanity.  But soon as he begins to speak his cover is blown once he starts attacking a gender group, a race, and or a specific color within a race.  Frankly, he is worse than Hitler.  At least Hitler was trying to preserve the best of his race, but this foolish man is trashing his own race without preservation and feels good about it!  “He is a mad man begetting more mad men!”  Can you tell me where I got that quote from?

Yes!  I love to read and I enjoy old movies and I learn something new every day.  And for the love of God . . . I don’t understand how any person can stomach to watch, read, and listen to words that kill the soul, the very essence of what makes a person human.  I have spent enough time discussing that foolish man and men like him.  Now I need to discuss why women of color make excellent wives and mothers.

At 17 years old I was too young for motherhood and marriage, however, I was not alone.  My life experience was limited and so was the countless teen moms that were pregnant during the same time.  Neither, either, had no clue we were not mentally and emotionally prepared for motherhood and or marriage; but we were either pregnant and or married with no life experience.

I believe becoming an excellent parent and spouse is a life skill that is taught and in my case spiritually supplied.  As a young mom without a mentor I was an awful mother.  As a young wife without a mentor I was an awful spouse.  Sadly life failures taught me how to parent and how to love a man once he became my husband.  Now that I have been through the stages of life I am prepared to meet the challenges of getting my children and grand-daughter ready for their life journeys.

Several months ago I told my grand if you sleep with a boy then you will have a boy/daddy for your child’s father.  I told her she could not expect a boy to grow-up overnight because he got her pregnant.  This is a big problem among teens and young adults with children.  

Girls and young adult women want boys and young adult men to turn into father material after they get pregnant.  Not going to happen!  Why?  Because each female group is trying to fill a void.  A void that was caused by their parents failure to successfully grow up before starting a family.  Sadly, each female group is trying to connect or bond with a male on the level of fatherhood.  The more they try to make these unwilling boys and young men turn into their dream of what a dad looks like they will always have opposition.    

Just because a man/boy whispers in your ear during an intimate moment about making you his wife or wanting you to have his children does not mean he is ready for fatherhood.  It only means he knows how to get you going sexually!  Because a responsible man will tell you up front what he expects out of the relationship before it gets started.  And if a responsible man feels you are wife material he will ask for your hand in marriage before creating children.  

Perhaps the following is something to redeem my youthful decisions to become wife and mother so young, because I saw my young husband as a fool:  

“When a woman thinks her husband is a fool, her marriage is over. They may part in one year or ten; they may live together until death. But if she thinks he is a fool, she will not love him again.” ~Philippa Gregory

At the time when I became pregnant and a wife, I did not know how to cook for a husband or be a nurturing mother to a screaming baby.  On the flip-side, my young husband did not know how to provided for a pregnant wife and later a child; worst he failed morally when he sought comforts in another young woman’s arms and they created a child.  Are you seeing where I am going with this?  

Everyone must start the lesson of becoming a good parent and an excellent mate at some point during their life.  Inexperience does not mean Black women are not parent and wife material.  It only means some Black women need help in learning the craft of nurturing their young and being their husband’s main support system.  With that written I feel this is a good stopping for point today.  Have a great one!  

And remember Black women have it going on!  

    

Taboo Tuesdays: Learning to be Happy in Your Skin – Part II

Last week I shared the following story:

MA Concerned Mom asked:

I have asked my friends and family a million times but nothing works maybe someone can give me something else to try? I have a daughter who is 5 she is half african american half white. She is a beautiful girl but she HATES her color (carmel). Ive tried explaining to her that she is beautiful and no matter what color she is she is beautiful. Ive tried explaining everything to her it dont work! My son is very pale color and she seems to be so jealous of him I even have a hard time getting her to go to her.dads house or family’s cause she dont want to be around “colored” people. Its like she resents them for her color! She often ask who God punished her and made her brown or if she can paint herself white. Please someone have tips? Im out of ideads..

Taboo Tues Blog PhotoWhen I read the story something about the content tapped into my hidden issues of self-hatred.  I immediately recognized the unhealthy emotions as painful childhood memories.  Honestly, I wanted them to remain buried.  Mainly because they are suppressed memories from my childhood.   I didn’t know how to deal with them.  Yet something bigger, something greater, did not want my feelings of hopelessness to stay buried.  Apparently it is time I visited the giants that seemed so much bigger to the little girl in the photo.

Coming across the plea from a hopeless mother has changed my life.  The story casts light on my life learned lessons about self-hatred.

Now that I am an adult I am wiser than the little girl within that continues to feel helpless, unloved, and ugly.  Unknown to her I can go to the giants of rejection, abuse, and self mutilation.   I can knock on their door without fear.  I can barge my way into restraint places as a protector of hers and my mental well being.  And most of all I give my spirit the authority to emotionally rescue the little girl in the photo and join her with the woman I have become.

Love yourself, for if you don’t how can you expect anybody else to love you? ~Author Unknown

Mother’s Day Prayer for The Barren Woman

By:  Henry Lee Battle

As I reflect on heart-felt thoughts in celebration about motherhood, this is a painful memory of a barren woman I understood.

There’s no prescription that can help her out.
There’s no one who can hear her inward painful shouts.
She suffers alone the shameful thoughts of being barren
And feel there is no one who really is truly caring.

She can never see rays from morning sunshine’s.
In the deepest of her barren womb despair
Her companions love can never compare
To a little one that is not there.

So as she looks upon baby bumps you see
All she understands is there no child within me.
She feels she’s to blame for being barren you see,
As she continues to recite there is no child within me.

She questions the universe as to what she has done
To deserve the unbearable fate of having no little one.
Her womb will not give birth to little Samantha or Nate
She feels she will never hear the patter of little feet herself proclaim fate.

As a mother and a woman with total compassion
I would like to express to the woman with a barren womb
Please don’t bury yourself in an unnamed tomb.
For I feel you are more special than I
Because the creator walks by your mournful side.

So in celebration of motherhood everywhere
Let us take time to remember the barren woman in despair.
For the burden of being barren make her special you see,
Because she has taught us to cherish the children given unto thee.

© Artis Harrison