Part I: Should Black Women Be Wives and or Mother’s?

I'm a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.
I’m a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.

Here’s another one of those post I blogged in April of 2013.  And, again, it didn’t get published because I didn’t believe I was a good enough writer.  I’ve made no changes really to my then thoughts.  The words are what they are because I felt them then. 

Well [pause] [sigh] before I started this post I tried to tackle another irrational comment that YouTube voyager said about Black women, but I became greatly frustrated.  Not because I could not argue my point(s) but I need facts.  Unfortunately the facts weren’t in our favor on one particular subject.  At least not yet!  Therefore, I have selected to discuss the roles Black women play as spouses and in motherhood.  Given my personal and professional experience I can hold my own in speaking on Black women and their roles as suitable mates and raising children.

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Honestly, I don’t know what rock this man crawled from under but he needs a realty check when it comes to discussing issues concerning Black women; and without question he surely needs to learn how to support his off-the-cuff theories with facts; because from where I sit he is very provincial in his comments.  He and his bad advice to those that will listen to him gives me the creeps!  He sounds like a Black Hitler in the making!  Really!

Hitler was a horrid man!  Horrid!  He was a great orator.  He made people believe they could fly when they could not.  But he was a horrible man with a horrible plan!  He made people kill their disable loved ones, in addition, he made people kill an ethnic group because each did not meet the standards or have the features of what he perceived to be the perfect German.

People!  People!  People!  “Those that fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.”  Do you know who said that?  I know who said those wonderful words but do you know?  Because they are true!  To me this young black man on YouTube is like Hitler.  He comes across as a great speaker.  He gives perception of being concern with humanity.  But soon as he begins to speak his cover is blown once he starts attacking a gender group, a race, and or a specific color within a race.  Frankly, he is worse than Hitler.  At least Hitler was trying to preserve the best of his race, but this foolish man is trashing his own race without preservation and feels good about it!  “He is a mad man begetting more mad men!”  Can you tell me where I got that quote from?

Yes!  I love to read and I enjoy old movies and I learn something new every day.  And for the love of God . . . I don’t understand how any person can stomach to watch, read, and listen to words that kill the soul, the very essence of what makes a person human.  I have spent enough time discussing that foolish man and men like him.  Now I need to discuss why women of color make excellent wives and mothers.

At 17 years old I was too young for motherhood and marriage, however, I was not alone.  My life experience was limited and so was the countless teen moms that were pregnant during the same time.  Neither, either, had no clue we were not mentally and emotionally prepared for motherhood and or marriage; but we were either pregnant and or married with no life experience.

I believe becoming an excellent parent and spouse is a life skill that is taught and in my case spiritually supplied.  As a young mom without a mentor I was an awful mother.  As a young wife without a mentor I was an awful spouse.  Sadly life failures taught me how to parent and how to love a man once he became my husband.  Now that I have been through the stages of life I am prepared to meet the challenges of getting my children and grand-daughter ready for their life journeys.

Several months ago I told my grand if you sleep with a boy then you will have a boy/daddy for your child’s father.  I told her she could not expect a boy to grow-up overnight because he got her pregnant.  This is a big problem among teens and young adults with children.  

Girls and young adult women want boys and young adult men to turn into father material after they get pregnant.  Not going to happen!  Why?  Because each female group is trying to fill a void.  A void that was caused by their parents failure to successfully grow up before starting a family.  Sadly, each female group is trying to connect or bond with a male on the level of fatherhood.  The more they try to make these unwilling boys and young men turn into their dream of what a dad looks like they will always have opposition.    

Just because a man/boy whispers in your ear during an intimate moment about making you his wife or wanting you to have his children does not mean he is ready for fatherhood.  It only means he knows how to get you going sexually!  Because a responsible man will tell you up front what he expects out of the relationship before it gets started.  And if a responsible man feels you are wife material he will ask for your hand in marriage before creating children.  

Perhaps the following is something to redeem my youthful decisions to become wife and mother so young, because I saw my young husband as a fool:  

“When a woman thinks her husband is a fool, her marriage is over. They may part in one year or ten; they may live together until death. But if she thinks he is a fool, she will not love him again.” ~Philippa Gregory

At the time when I became pregnant and a wife, I did not know how to cook for a husband or be a nurturing mother to a screaming baby.  On the flip-side, my young husband did not know how to provided for a pregnant wife and later a child; worst he failed morally when he sought comforts in another young woman’s arms and they created a child.  Are you seeing where I am going with this?  

Everyone must start the lesson of becoming a good parent and an excellent mate at some point during their life.  Inexperience does not mean Black women are not parent and wife material.  It only means some Black women need help in learning the craft of nurturing their young and being their husband’s main support system.  With that written I feel this is a good stopping for point today.  Have a great one!  

And remember Black women have it going on!  

    

The Prayers of Black Women: How to Treat The Weak

US Navy 100423-N-0641S-143 Mara MacDonald demo...
US Navy 100423-N-0641S-143 Mara MacDonald demonstrates different massage techniques to a group of new mothers and their babies in an infant massage class (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let us not therefore judge one another any more:  but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.

Romans 14:13

Lord thank you for this day we have never seen before.  Everything within this day is new.  This day has started with no mistakes; it has given those that believe in you a new hope.

Lord this prayer concerns mans inhumanity to man.  Lord it feels as if the spirit of compassion has been taken from most parents, thus, leaving some humans empty shells when it involves the parent to child relationships.

Therefore, prayer is being offered for parents that can’t unconditionally love, provide, guide, protect and parent with friendly intentions their children. Lord, please help those parents understand that children are weak by comparison because they are kids.  Lord, please help those parents to understand that children are given to us to love, nurture and guide into adulthood.  Lord help those parents to understand everyone comes with challenges.  Lord help those parents to understand that everyone has an adulterous spirit.  For your words clearly say’s in John 8:7:  “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  

Lord please show these parents when they parent without compassion they are putting stumblingblocks in their children’s path.

Your Loving Daughter

Annette

Friendship Comes In All Colours

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. ~Fr. Jerome Cummings

Recently, I noticed several of my readers (not like I have many at this point) are from other ethnic groups.  I’m grateful for that!  I have a rainbow of friends.  I don’t have much time today to discuss the beauty of having friends from all walks of life and races, but I want to take a quick moment to share a funny story, or a story I found funny some years ago.

Truly I think Black people can sometimes be as harsh and unforgiving towards other ethnic groups as other racial groups are sometimes towards Black’s [laughter].  But I have several White friends I enjoy. When they celebrate their accomplishments I celebrate with them and when they are sad I cry with and for them.  Honestly, many of them, just like my Black friends, hold my deepest secrets about my life and aspirations.

This story is about friendship, gaining of trust, love and respect of all people.  One day a Black friend came to visit me when I lived in my old home.  And since I am a person that loves art I surround myself with such beauty without bias.  I buy Black art, art with flowers or nature and art with people from other cultures.  As a matter of fact, when the house went on the market I was permitted to leave my artwork on the walls, because no one could conclude the house belonged to a Black person.  Any-who-how, there were photos sitting on my fireplace mantel.  My friend, being curious, got up from the place she was sitting and began to scan them.  Then I hear these words coming from my den, “Girl, when are you going to take these White folks out of here and put a picture in this frame?”  I was puzzled by her remark.  I knew she was talking about the stock photo copy that comes in picture frames, but I knew, or at least I thought I had removed all the stock photos copies from the frames sitting on my mantel.   So I go to see what she was talking about.  When I got to the frame of question, within in its boundaries was a friend I knew loved me.  She was and is a White female.  She was and still is as precious to me as my Black friends and family members.  She never forgot my birthdays.  Every year she made me a birthday cake and brought it to work to celebrate the day of my earthly arrival.  She remembered my birthday when my family members would forget it!  She always shared what little she had to brighten my bleak life.  She became my inspiration to not give up when all hope was gone.  I immediately turned to my Black friend that I also cherished and told her, “Girl, that’s not a stock photo!”  And with a hardy laugh, I said, “That’s my friend Ronna and her son!”  Nothing else needed to be said.  We laugh and continued on with our visit.

I urge and wish people from all races to stop by and visit.  I welcome each of your comments and insight on matters about women of color as we each continue to learn how to bridge the gap on racial issues.  Have a great Thursday!