If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. ~Robert Fulghum
Yes, this is another unpublished post from 2013. I read as if I wasn’t the author. I was surprised about the content. I had forgotten those feelings concerning my husbands infidelity. He apologized. I apologized. We’re back on track building our life as a couple.
Yesterday I was speaking to a loved one. They shared some of their heartaches, disappoints, and the frustration as to how to continue on striving for financial freedoms. Little did they know I am drowning in life’s problems but I took a moment to pray for them; afterwards, I prayed for them throughout my day. I asked the Lord to grant peace in their life. I prayed their mate would appreciate the little things they were doing. I requested that their child would say I love you just because. I guess most of all I prayed that the person in sorrow knew someone cared.
Life is funny! Not a “HeHe HaHa” funny. But a funny where when you feel everything is going okay then something happens to push you back into a crises. Or it may seem like you are being pushed into a crises.
My marriage appears to be over. My friends are giving their advice as to how I should stay in it by saying such as, I should have an affair or affairs with men 20 plus years younger [yikes!] or call it quits. I know I should not laugh but I am laughing as I write about the end of my once wonderful marriage. I don’t think we planned, no, I know we didn’t plan to find our marriage in disrepair but it is. He avoids me. I feel his avoidance is a way of hoping I will return to the state of catering to his every need (spoken and unspoken). But I don’t see a way out or even a way to repair our marriage if he is not willing to change.
No I’m not a woman that has made a man feel less than a man. I have loved my husband with all of my innermost being because he loved me first. He saw me as a beauty when others had given me up for lost. As stated, I loved him because he did love me. He says he doesn’t want a divorce but he doesn’t work at making our “hanging-on by a thread” marriage whole again.
I know I should not discuss my marital problems with friends, family and loved ones, but I have such wonderful people in my life. I value their opinion. It doesn’t mean that I will always take their advice but I do respect their suggestions; even the ones that will make me seem and feel like a heel the next morning. Laughter! I’m not sure about having an affair but I have entertained the thought. I have never been unfaithful to any mate and I’m not sure if I could start now, but I tell you I have had some great fantasies that consisted of good looking men. Yeah, baby! Thank God I have not allow my inward hurts to manifest because I would have given my poor hubby the boot! Laughter!
And when I speak to male friends about the problems my husband and I are facing I’m told I spoiled him. Spoiled him! Unheard of! At least that is what I thought. But as I find the energy to live today I am seeing my mistakes as my husband’s friend, lover and wife. I’m not sure if I want to save this marriage because he is putting up a fight for things to remain the same; but things can’t remain the same because I have changed. I’m stronger. I’m wiser and I am self loved. I’m afraid my husband will wake up and find himself alone again. He is a nice guy but his unharnessed faults are eroding our relationship.
Nearly 35 years ago I made a choice that would change my life forever. As an inexperience teenager I made an adult decision to become a parent. And without realizing I had cultivated a strong discontent for my youthful choice I never forgive the girl within for making such a decision.
I’m a person that do not like to ask people for favors. And I really become leery when others offer to help me. My feelings aren’t because I’m too proud or I have problem with accepting help. It’s just down through the years other’s expected more of me than they gave and request more of me than I was usually willing to give. So, now, if I can’t get a task done then it goes pretty much undone. At least until I figure out how to do it myself since I want to avoid the depressing feelings of being used.
I have this neighbor and she makes a daily list of things she needs to do or complete. Her house is spotless. Her lawn looks amazing! Her health is excellent. She looks younger than 51 years old. She has a body that would put a twentyish to shame. She drove her ex-husband crazy with her list. She makes her children run and hide for cover when it’s time to do daily chores. She even has her pets on schedules. Each cat and her dog know when to expect their monthly baths! Yes! Her cats get bathe without clawing . . . They know the routine. She has an amazing dating life! She expect the men she dates to give her their best! Some would say she sounds like a “female dog,” but those who value their time and expect the most out of life would say she has it going on. I can tell you it’s Saturday and she is cleaning her home and she is planning to meet some successful guy later for dinner and or a movie. So, how are you spending your time today?
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great. When you are seeking to bring big plans to fruition it is important with whom you regularly associate. Hang out with friends who are like-minded and who are also designing purpose-filled lives. Similarly be that kind of a friend for your friends. ~ Mark Twain
About a year ago my husband and I were having marital problems. I hated him. He hated me. He blamed me for our financial problems. I blamed him for our financial burdens. It was clear to see my husband and I were at war. And, sadly, those that loved me took my side of things.
With a hint of amusement their marital advice normally centered around sex came at the wrong time in my life.
It was bad enough that I was dealing with a bad marriage. But having to deal with accepting my loved ones as out of control horny women just complicated matters. I wasn’t in need of sex! I needed sound judgment and advice. But what I got was the freak show extraordinaire! And when I write “horny women” I mean they were and are ‘horny women.’ And God bless their little hearts!
Beyond question the conversations between me and my loved ones made me blush of shame. I was so embarrassed for them, especially when they started going into details. OMG! Who were these women? How could I have not known these wonderful women walked on the wild-side of freakishness? Who knew? Cause I didn’t know! And when they became willing to share their sexual adventures I became scared for them!
One Caucasian friend was full of sexual suggestions. First, she told me I was in my prime and I needed to find a young man in his prime (age 36+). What! Sorry! But I’m not into younger men. However, I’m not going to say I didn’t consider having an affair but a younger man never enter my thoughts. And as a mom I would feel creepy having sex with someone around my children’s ages. I was in disbelief that my friend could even suggest that I date a young man! But! Hey! To each their own! Right?!! Right.
Needless to say my facial expression took on many forms as she was giving me poor advice. I knew her indiscreet but caring words were expressed to help me overcome my marital woes. Yet, had I followed her bad advice I would have made matters worse. And, besides, what woman in her prime really wants a sweaty young man pouncing on her fragile and aging body. Seriously!
I think as a person gets older they recognize their body is becoming fragile. And because of aging the perception of people really seek to find the truest meaning of intimacy to sexual pleasures.
Honestly, I no longer thirst for sex like a young woman in heat. I stopped allowing men to abuse my body years ago. And as I’ve grown older I want intimacy instead of acrobatic sexual encounters.
I would calmly write, after years of searching for wholeness, my age, my soul, and my spirit are now on one accord. And all the parts of me agree that I’m older and passed the desires of uncontrollable lust. Unconstrained lusts that make people do foolish things for sex! So, like I said, my friend’s suggestion, if taken, would have only complicated matters. And I’m so glad that my prayer “Lord, help me grow old gracefully” won out.
But when I didn’t take her advice on getting a younger man she came up with another plan to help me. I inwardly thought, “Does this woman ever quit giving bad advice!” because her second plan was funnier than the first. Below is the conversation between her and myself one-day:
Joyce: It looks like I’m going to have to pull out the blue boy since my hubby will be working late hours. Me: (Inwardly Thinking) “blue boy?” (Finally asking) Joyce what the hell is a ‘blue boy?’ Joyce: It’s my toy! Me: Your toy! You got one of them things? Joyce: Yeh! Don’t you? Me: Hell! No! (laughing historically) Joyce: Well! I’m going to buy you a BIG black one when I get some monies! Me: Oh, no! I don’t need one of those things! Joyce: Yes, you do, little Missy!
I was so appalled that my friend would state that she was going to by me a sex toy. I thought she was overstepping her boundaries. And, regrettably, I didn’t have the nerves to tell her such. However, I did have the grit to discuss the matter with others.
After sharing the story with those in my circle I found out many of them had sex toys! OMG! What’s wrong with people! Why has society become so sex craved?!!! What ever happened to modesty?
Each found my reaction to my friends’ statement hilarious. They laughed and made jokingly comments as if I was out of touch with the birds and the bees. But I have news for them: As long as I am alive I will always have sexual thoughts. I will always want to be sexually pleased by my husband as I am pleasing to him. And if I gotta have a toy what does that say about my husband ability to satisfy me? And how will having a toy make my husband truly feel as a man? And what types of sexual deviants will I open when allowing such into my bedroom? I don’t even want to imagine what would or could happen!
Flash back moment: I just thought about that movie by Tyler Perry. Now what was the title? Hum . . . Temptation! That’s it! That movie was so true to life. I could only stand to watch it once. Once was enough for me to get the message about self-destruction being nicely wrapped in a pretty package of promiscuity and naïvety. Well any-who-how . . . The conversation that pushed me over the edge when it came to owning sex toys was with a younger family member.
Family member: You need to get you a toy. Me: You got one of them, too? Family member: Yeah! Don’t you? Me: Hell, no! Family member: You should get one. As a matter of fact mines need new batteries. I’m working on my second one! That’s all I give to brides at bridal showers. Me: (Laughing too hard to say without chopping my sentence.) I don’t think so! Family member: Why not? Me: I like the real thing. Besides I would never want my kids to find such should I die. Family member: What the hell will you care. You’re dead!
I must admit her last statement was true. I would be dead and my cares for this world would no longer be an issue. But I’m a wife to a wonderful over the road truck driver. I’m a mother of three awesome black men. I’m a step-mother to four beautiful white women. I’m a grandmother with eight grandchildren. I’m a daughter to a wonderful and lively old woman. And even though I don’t like my sister’s, I love them and respect them despite of our differences that keep us apart. I have some amazing nieces and nephews that I love as if they were my own children. I have wonderful aunts and uncles and a host of cousins I consider closer than siblings. I have an array of friends that I love like brothers and sisters. And with so much love abound I’m realizing I’m blessed! Truly blessed! And the one legacy I want to leave all that love me and all that I love is self-respect.
What I leave behind should not become a final moral issue for my family, friends, and loved ones to deal with. And more importantly I do not want my son’s to see nor neither handle such a personal item as a sex toy. The thought of them discovering such a thing makes me sick as their mom and as a woman. I know my words sound prudish but I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. I just think people are jumping off the cliff of self-respect and killing themselves morally because they can’t control their sexual impulses.
They’re born everyday! They walk among us and they seek who the can destroy. They spiritually feed off misery and the ignorance of others becomes their playground.
Some believe such people come from homes where there is no love and or where hate is taught. But that is not true! Mean-spirited people come from all walks of life. They are born to every race and every gender; and prejudice of any kind makes it harder to discover such people. For example, I learned in the circle I once traveled that all whites were bad, most if not all white men molested children, white people smell, white people have no color, white people are from the devil, and finally “all white people are rich”. And even though I know better now by understanding people are people, there are still people (white, black, blue, purple and brown) that buy into racial nonsense. And that’s the reason I’m blogging about mean people coming from all walks of life. And had it not been for my encounter this past weekend, as a black woman, with a mean-spirited white man I know I would have not come up with such a blog post; because, like I stated, had I not known about the evils of humanity or understood mean-spirited people I could see where the confrontation could have gotten out of control.
The Simple Truth Is
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made. We all have the ability to be bad. We all can become sexually deviant. We all have the capability to smell when we forego bathing. We all have skin pigmentation. We all have the ability to do the devil’s bidding. And not all white people are rich! People are people despite race, creed, religion, gender, and sexual orientation. What make us different spiritually when it comes to our existence are choices. Really, it’s just that simple.
People chose to be cruel. And sadly they use race, gender, sexual preferences, religion, politics and such to carry out their unkind deeds. They’ve rehearsed role-playing so much in their small minds that they seek the perfect conditions to be spirit exterminators. It’s never hard to figure out their agenda after cavy encounters. They’re usually standing/sitting with smirks of satisfactions on their faces. They are usually braggers that are empty vessels. And they try to fill their emptiness by insulting people publicly or privately as they exercise the power of choice.
Never stoop to their level. Recognize mean-spirited people for who they are [empty vessels] and remove yourself from their presence [period].
Coach Edna Cooper said, “The girls performed very well at both tournaments. They instituted team work by causing turnovers, blocking shots, and limited outside shooting. In the first tournament, Crossett defeated us but, in the second tournament the girls were very determined to take the victory home. They set a goal and achieved the goal by playing hard both offensively and defensively, on both sides of the court.The girls continue to practice hard because they know what they are capable of doing, right now. As a coach I am proud of the girls and I am proud to represent Gurdon.”
Every so often I find myself singing my high school alma mater (song). It’s been nearly 36 years since I’ve graduated high school and I still haveGurdon pride. What does that tell you?
It tells me that the staff and students set the standards in how I would push forwards to pursue my dreams; and how their comradery and friendship would continue to impact my life as an adult.
Upon reflection: Graduation was a sad day for me. It meant I would be leaving the school I love. I would no longer keep contact with the teachers that cared. And I would lose many friends with memories I shared. I didn’t want to graduate! But I did! And here I am learning a craft I never wanted to learn, writing.
I’m sure it’s many of the principles I learned at Gurdon that keeps me in the game of wanting to become a publish author. It is those same principles that make me want to change at least one life. For in changing one life I will have made a difference.
Attending Gurdon High for three years became defining moments for me. And, again, those years set the standards I wanted and want to meet. And when I read Coach Edna Cooper’s comment about the determination of theLady Go-Devils’ win, I was quickly taken back to times that changed the course of my life.
It’s wonderful to see that Gurdon is continuing teaching youth to press forwards despite obstacles. Also it is great to see the message is taking roots in their lives.
I’m overjoyed that Edna is doing what she loves! Coaching! Also it’s wonderful to see an underclassman inspiring youth to meet their life goals!
Gurdon High School Alma Mater:
For ol” Gurdon’s Honor
We will fight on
We will keep fighting
Till the day, is done
And when the dawn comes
We will still be fighting onward
For the Purple and Gold
We’ll keep on fighting
For Gurdon High
Fight team fight! Do your best! Remember you’re fighting for GHS!
Yesterday an article about a child molestation case came across my Facebook feed. I would like to write that the case is and was an isolated situation, but I cannot write such because sexual crimes against children are on the rise. And sadly the victim in this particular case was 4 months old when she became sexually exploited. Sickening! Right!
What logical adult would have sex with an infant? What rational human-being would want to have sex with children? And the most important question: What type of mother would give her permission for her child or children to be sexually used?
Anyone that would consider having sex and have had sex with a child has fallen away from the moral blueprints of humanity. Because crimes against defenseless people are horrible! But crimes against children are shamefully horrific!
And when a mother is negligent in protecting her young it goes against the laws of nature. Maternal instincts should always trump foolish thoughts! Maternal instincts should be so strong that women act like civilized “mama bears” when they feel their young being threaten.
And this ‘mama bear’ finds the story of Natisha Hillard‘s inconceivable actions as a woman and mother baffling!
Who is Natisha Hillard? Too me, she’s a beautiful young black female with a pretty name that has made one of the worst mistakes any woman and or mother can make (outside of killing her young). Her story is disturbing and very bone chilling. She sold her infant daughter to a man who has a nefarious appetite for infants and child pornography.
She met the creep online! And from the sounds of things she didn’t hesitate in selling him her infant for five hundred dollars. And worse yet, she stood by and watch the crime take place! To me her actions states, “She was also sexually stimulated by watching a child, her child, being molested!”
It’s a sad day for humanity each time people such as Natisha loses touch with what it means to be human.
Sexual crimes against infants should be punishable by death. I do believe in the state of Louisiana sexual exploitation of a minor 12 years old and younger carries a mandatory death penalty. And for sex offenders that do not live in Louisiana to ask the courts for leniency is asinine! Especially since they are not facing death!
Words of wisdom from an older woman to younger women:
Children are irreplaceable! The quality of life is priceless! And to take either or both for granted is wrong.