Category: Self-love

Inspirational Fridays: Aging With and Without Regrets

As my sister celebrated her birthday this year she was and is unquestionably delighted to turn 50. I on the other hand did not look forwards to turning another year older.  Yet my 52 birthday was creeping closely and did manage to arrive on scheduled.   My birthday is never late!   Honestly, I really wish after I had turned 30 my birthday would come around once every 10 years.

It appears my regretful and wounded soul continues to look for the life that was lost so long ago.

My person questions all of life’s ambitions, my life’s ambitions, to a point where I’m silently asking the following:  What makes the aging graceful and ready to grow older and old?  What makes the aging mean and bitter as they do grow older and old?  And what will I become as I age and my physical beauty continues to fade?  Will I be a sweet old woman that has few regrets?  Or will I become an old bag of bitter bones that is mean because I failed to live my life to its fullest?

Truthfully, I would say at this point I am becoming by default ‘an old bag of bitter bones that is mean because I failed to live my life to its fullest.’

Are you shocked at my brutal conclusion of my self awareness examination?  Are you shocked that I can be as truthful about what I inwardly harbor?  Don’t be shocked because there are other’s just like me.  Perhaps you are like me.  Maybe you are worse than me.  But it is never too late for us to change the course of our lives as long as we continue to breathe hope.

At this moment my beloved Colorado is under flood watch.  Because of flooding many of the smaller cities and towns have been force to evacuate. Lives are being uprooted by force of nature and people have to take shelter of safety in unfamiliar places.  Uncertainty about the course of their lives looms over the evacuees’ heads as they wait for the storm to subside.

After carefully watching video footage of flooding areas in Colorado I have come to the conclusion, it is the amount of life’s storms and their surges that determines if we will age gracefully or bitter.

And regrettably sometimes our personal lives from beginning to end are under flood watch or in the eye of the storm.

At least my life is consistently under storm watch; and often my poor choices continue to place me in the midst of raging floods.  And, since, I didn’t know how to swim to safety I have found myself spiritually and emotionally drowning over and over again.  As a result, I regret a few things I have done, moreover, my biggest regrets are the things I failed and continue to fail to do; therefore, for me aging is a big reminder how I wasted my talents and my life.

With remorse I must write, my life [outside of my children] was squandered on people and things that could not validate my existence.  In a nutshell, I confess, I spent the majority of my life looking for validation from people who had never been validated themselves.   So when I turned 50 I felt life was over for me.  I felt nothing about me depicted a life of success and that included the children I dearly love.

But as I continue on this journey we call life, every day I am reminded people age 50 and over that are living wonderful lives with little to no regrets.  And Lillie McCloud is one of those people.  She is an amazing singer.  She has an amazing outlook about her life.  She does not regret putting her singing career on hold to raise her children.  At the age of 54 she feels now is her time to fulfill her dream.  I just love her confidence during her X Factor audition.  She selected the right song. She wore the right outfit. Her persona said what she stated “I’m here to win” as she sang Cece Winans’ song “Alabaster Box.” Everything about Lillie says age 50 is where it’s at!  Check her out:

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The Prayers of Black Women: “The Serenity Prayer”

Sometimes in life we are overcome with stresses.  Some situations are good stresses but stresses nonetheless.  Other times we have negative stresses, and it is usually those situations that make us feel helpless and hopeless.  It is then when I am gently reminded of  the ” Serenity Prayer.”  Therefore, I am sharing the prayer with hope that it will find a way into stressful lives to make a difference.

Photographer: Artis Harrison
Photographer: Artis Harrison

The Serenity Prayer

by Reinhold Niebuhr
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
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Mother’s Day Prayer for The Barren Woman

By: Henry Lee Battle

As I reflect on heart-felt thoughts in celebration about motherhood, this is a painful memory of a barren woman I understood.

There’s no prescription that can help her out.
There’s no one who can hear her inward painful shouts.
She suffers alone the shameful thoughts of being barren
And feel there is no one who really is truly caring.

She can never see rays from morning sunshine’s.
In the deepest of her barren womb despair
Her companions love can never compare
To a little one that is not there.

So as she looks upon baby bumps you see
All she understands is there no child within me.
She feels she’s to blame for being barren you see,
As she continues to recite there is no child within me.

She questions the universe as to what she has done
To deserve the unbearable fate of having no little one.
Her womb will not give birth to little Samantha or Nate
She feels she will never hear the patter of little feet herself proclaim fate.

As a mother and a woman with total compassion
I would like to express to the woman with a barren womb
Please don’t bury yourself in an unnamed tomb.
For I feel you are more special than I
Because the creator walks by your mournful side.

So in celebration of motherhood everywhere
Let us take time to remember the barren woman in despair.
For the burden of being barren make her special you see,
Because she has taught us to cherish the children given unto thee.

© Artis Harrison

Black Women Do Contribute to The Rainbow of Love

Photo Taken From: www.tumblr.com
Photo Taken From: http://www.tumblr.com

About a week ago on a Facebook page I follow titled “White Men Who Love Their Black Women” the administrator posted the following:

I over heard a conversation among several White women today and they were talking about a couple of girls that didn’t seem threatening to them when it came to getting men or their boyfriends. Within the conversation they mentioned some things that they knew these girls possessed that made them seemingly, “less attractive”. The 1st notable remark that was made was the fact that one of the girls was heavy set—that almost automatically took her out of the game (according to these women). The 2nd comment was that another one of the girls was “universally unattractive” (according to them NO ONE would ever deem her pretty under anyone’s microscope). But the grand finale of a statement that was made that the last girl was Black—yes BLACK—that was why she didn’t pose a threat . These White women seemed to think that their White skin ordained them to be a peck above Black women getting White men just because they were White. My thing is this: I’m good as any girl of any color and I’ll be damned to think that a girl just being White and me being Black would take me away from even being considered an option of a White guy or for that, White men! Questions? Comments?

Due to time restraints I could not make a comment.  So today I sit and write my feelings about the brutal honesty of those that publicly spoke on less threatening women when it comes to them dating and them maintaining marital security.

Love comes in multiple colors with surmountable reasons for loving.  Only shallow people with low self-esteem will build outwardly with bitter words for mortar a false wall of security.  The women gathered at this loathing banquet walked away more empty before they sat to fellowship.  It is clear to see these women are not busy living productive lives.  Surely what they say or think about women they consider less than is irrelevant to the cause of women of color progressing in life, personally and professionally.

Let’s speak truth:  It is not women of color that seek tanning salons to darken their skin.  Our skin tone is a birthright given to all colored women by God genetically.   Subjectively, if I had problems with people of African descent I would never tan.  The process of tanning would be in such a situation as hypocritical.  Because to me non-colored people who have problems with Black people due to darker skin pigmentation are jealous, simple-minded, human beings that should have their mouths tape shut.  I am only speaking about non-colored people who dislike for the sake of disliking and using color as a scapegoat.  IT IS NOT LOGICAL TO TAN WHEN YOU DESPISE OTHER PEOPLE FOR NATURALLY HAVING WHAT YOU PAY TO ACQUIRE!  Such actions provoke the question why are you making your skin the color of those you hate for having it!  

As far as I am concern, I feel all people are beautiful . . .

And Black women do give to the rainbow of love.  The only difference between Blacks and non-colored people are skin pigmentation’s.  Outside of that!  Nothing else is different when it comes to being human.

Sad to write, but unfortunately the White woman who made the harsh comment about Black women was correct based upon social stereotype.  Therefore, at this point what is relevant and not irrelevant is how long it will take Black women to realize we must shift the way people think of us.  We must show others as single people and as a group that we are worth dating and marrying (outside of our brown skin tones).

Women of color we need to change the dating and marring game to our home courts!  We need to learn positive ways to effectively market us as people and a gender race group.  We need to help other Black women that slipped through the cracks of life.  We need to create dating and marring game plans that potential mates can understand; and in doing so we will inspire all men from all walks of life to crossover and play on our team as boyfriends and husbands.  In addition, we need to first seek to understand so we will be understood.

I can only end that dating and marrying should be a personal choice.  How a person arrives to dating this person or that person, and, or, marrying this person or that person again is a personal choice.

In my journey I have learned to cross over and date men from other races.  To me the equipment all works the same despite hearsay!  Laughter!

Have a great day!  And remember Black women really do have it going on!