Black Women Have It Going On

Good morning from Colorado, where the air is crisp and the truth is often found in the shadows! Today is Thursday, May 14th, and my faith is anchored in the light of Christ Jesus. Thank you for joining me as we peel back the layers of the “Public Mask.”

In every family history, there are two versions of the story: the one we tell at the dinner table and the one that lives behind closed doors. For many of us growing up, there was a desperate need for a “Star”—someone to carry the family’s pride like a shield. Whether it was on a football field, in a classroom, or through a perfect reputation, that child became the “Public Mask” for a home that was secretly crumbling.

I’ve been reflecting on why a parent needs that mask so badly. When a home is filled with volatility or hidden pain, a child’s success becomes a survival strategy for the adult. If the world sees a hero, they won’t look for the hurt. We cheer for the “Hercules strength” on display, never realizing that the armor is actually a cage.

The struggle for the family historian is the moment the mask slips. Decades later, we often find ourselves wrestling with a “split reality.” We hear stories that don’t match our memories. We see people “performing” a love for a legacy while we are left holding the heavy, jagged pieces of a different truth. It is a lonely place to be—standing between the person the world remembers and the person the secrets reveal. We realize that the “hero” was often just a person trying to navigate a darkness they weren’t equipped to handle, sometimes becoming the very thing they were meant to be protected from.

The Takeaway for Us

1. The Burden of the Pedestal: Being the “shining star” is often a heavy burden. When a child is forced to be the family’s glory, they lose the right to be a human being who can fail, heal, or grow.
2. The Split Reality: It is okay to sit with two truths at once. You can remember the “hero” while acknowledging the “hurt.” One doesn’t erase the other, but the secret truth is often where the real healing begins.
3. The Performance of Peace: Watching others pretend everything is “fine” when you know it wasn’t is a form of secondary trauma. Validation doesn’t have to come from the family; it comes from your own courage to see the truth clearly.

Community Challenge

Was there a “hero” in your family whose success was used to hide a deeper struggle? How do you reconcile the public version of that person with the private reality you discovered later? This week, give yourself permission to stop holding up the mask for someone else.

Scripture & Prayer

• Scripture: “For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad.” — Mark 4:22 (KJV)
• Prayer: Father, we ask for Your peace as we navigate the complicated truths of our past. Give us the discernment to see the difference between the masks people wear and the reality of their souls. Comfort those of us who feel gaslit by “performative” family love. Help us to find our identity in You, where no mask is required. Amen.

The Spiritual Seal

Remember: You are not responsible for maintaining a legacy built on a lie. God’s grace is big enough for the whole truth—the celebrated parts and the hidden ones. You can honor the past without pretending it was perfect. See you tomorrow!