I spend most of my days trying to do what God expects of His children. I even try to live my own life and allow others to live theirs. But the past couple of days I’ve been so drained from toxic family members. OMG!
Yesterday was a bad day! I’ve had to cut ties with my oldest son based on a rumor that was a lie. I’ve had to bridle my tongue when it came to dealing with family members that suffer from mental health issues. I’ve had to listen to gossip about my actions concerning helping my son’s girl-friend purchase a new and reliable car. Something that was meant to aid both he and her in continuing their journey to a secure financial future as a couple. I allowed the rumors of what my son’s girl friend had done to keep from paying me get underneath my skin! Later finding out she hadn’t done it! My poor husband has had enough of watching the affects of me dealing with a toxic family. He finally put his foot down starting with the loaning of the $5,000 to my oldest son’s girl friend that she now refuse to pay. Now, I’m having to watch my husband suffer emotionally from his decision when it came to giving me the ultimatum about cutting ties with my son.
After years of returning to a family I found toxic I’ve found myself on unstable ground. I can’t seem to get footing. Lately, I’ve been seeing myself getting upset with God because he won’t just do away with them all! Surly he sees they don’t serve a purpose. They are so toxic that it’s the norm among them. Really! You know how babies communicate with each other and they sound silly! Well that’s my mom’s family! They sit and plan their future with the gain from peoples death. They think it’s okay to take other people’s earthly belongings before the person dies! Then! Wait! Then they tell that person that’s asking for their property back that they will decided who will get it once the she dies! Then you have men wanting to beat up people for telling them the truth about their inabilities of being a man! They wear unhealthiness like it was fashionable! And! In style! Oh! Wait! Being unhealthy is in style! That’s why Jesus had to die for us all!
But! My mom’s family! OMG! They take greed, stupidity, ignorance, self-pity, deceit, thievery, dishonesty and so much more that decays the soul to heights that the word of God can’t penetrate them. It’s as if they’ve been turned over to reprobate minds.
[Sigh] I find myself praying daily things that are crazy and later finding myself asking God for forgiveness for those crazy thoughts.
Prayer: God, I need you to give me your peace that surpasses all understanding as I help my mom during the last phase of her life. Let me be a good daughter not because I seek applause from onlookers but because your word says, “Honor thy mother and thy father.” I ask your protection from the arrows of those that tend to do me harm physically, emotionally and spiritually. I ask that your word continue to be truth in my life even when my way is cloudy. And, most of all, God can you please give me a life nugget today. Something that will feed my hungry soul on this journey you’ve aloud to unfold. Amen