Black Women Have It Going On

Good morning from Colorado, where the peaks are tall and the truth sets us free! Today is Wednesday, May 20th, and my faith is secured in Christ Jesus! Thanks for stopping by my blog as we look at the “Unearthing of the Heart.”

Wow! It’s mid-week and I am unearthing feelings I can’t quite put a face to yet. My brother Butch meant the world to me, and it’s painful to remember how people tried to use his death as a tool to inflict more pain on me after my mom passed. I realize now that I had buried my feelings for him so deep that when I started this May series, my memories were jumbled. I didn’t know what belonged to me and what belonged to the stories of others until my mind finally decided to release a few cherished, private pieces of us.

There is that one “horrible” memory with the rock, but I loved my brother for so many reasons. As I write about his life and reflect on what was happening to us, I’m seeing his beautiful smile differently. I’m realizing that smile was slowly being stolen by the very same people who took my voice. What makes me so sad as a family historian is that I can finally see his invisible tears. I find myself wishing I could reach back in time and give that boy a hug—to reassure him that nothing he did as a child defines the man he became.

Children make mistakes—sometimes serious ones—but those choices are made with the mind of a child, not the knowledge of an adult. It breaks my heart that I can’t look into his eyes as his big sister and wave a “magic wand” to fix the past. I’m grieving the boy who was cornered, the boy who was forced to be a “feather in the wind,” and the man who never got to hear that he was more than his childhood mistakes.

The Takeaway for Us

1. Sorting the Layers: When trauma is involved, our memories often get tangled with the opinions and “noise” of others. Healing begins when one takes the time to distinguish their own truth from the family narrative.
2. The Child’s Mind: There is a profound difference between a mistake made in survival and the character of an adult. One must learn to offer the same grace to their past self—and their siblings—that they would offer any child in distress.
3. The Invisible Tears: Grieving a sibling often means grieving the “what could have been.” While we cannot wave a magic wand over the past, we can honor their memory by speaking the truth they weren’t allowed to tell.

Community Challenge

Is there a memory of a loved one that feels “jumbled” with the negative things others have said? This week, readers are challenged to sit in the quiet and ask: What is MY memory of them? Can you separate the person you loved from the mistakes they made as a child trying to survive?

Scripture & Prayer

• Scripture: “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3 (KJV)
• Prayer: Father, prayer is offered for the “Big Sisters” and “Big Brothers” who are unearthing heavy memories this week. Healing is asked for the hearts that wish they could go back and protect the siblings they lost. Thank You for seeing the invisible tears and for being the only One who can truly wave a wand of peace over our past. Amen.

The Spiritual Seal

Remember: One cannot fix a past that was broken by the hands of others. A sibling must realize that their love is the greatest tribute, and that God’s mercy covers the “mistakes” made in the shadows of a stolen childhood. The “magic wand” may not exist, but His grace is a healing balm for the soul. See you tomorrow!