Black Women Have It Going On

Good morning from Colorado! One of the things counseling taught me was that I didn’t have to pass on what I had experienced. For a long time, I thought being a parent meant knowing what to do because you were the parent. But I learned that sometimes we become parents before we have learned how to parent. I had to look honestly at myself and acknowledge that there were times when I wasn’t there for my children the way I should have been. That wasn’t an easy thing to face. But healing required me to stop making excuses and start taking responsibility. I learned that saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make a parent weak. Sometimes it is one of the strongest things a parent can say. I learned to listen to my children before deciding what their punishment should be. I learned to tell them how much they mean to me. And as grown men, I asked my sons to forgive me for not being the parent they initially needed me to be.

What they gave me in return was something I will always treasure: understanding. They came to understand that I had been a child myself when I began my parenting journey. They know that I experienced sexual abuse and was blamed for the actions of adults, and they remind me that I was carrying things I should never have had to carry. They have told me, in their own way, “You were a kid yourself.” That doesn’t erase the moments when I could have done better, but it helped me understand that healing doesn’t require us to pretend the past didn’t happen. Sometimes healing means telling the truth about what happened, taking responsibility for what was ours, and releasing what never belonged to us in the first place.

I didn’t have to pass my pain on to my children.

I could choose something different.

I could apologize.

I could listen.

I could learn.

I could love them out loud.

And perhaps that’s what breaking a cycle really looks like. It isn’t becoming a perfect person. It’s becoming a willing person—willing to look at ourselves, willing to change, and willing to stop handing the next generation what hurt us.

The Call to Action

Today, I want you to think about something you may have received from a previous generation that you don’t want to pass forward.

Maybe it’s anger.

Maybe it’s silence.

Maybe it’s fear.

Maybe it’s the inability to apologize.

Whatever it is, bring it before God.

And if there is someone you have hurt along the way, ask God for the courage to say, “I’m sorry. I want to do better.”

An apology cannot change yesterday.

But it can change what happens next.

Scripture

Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Sometimes forgiveness begins with forgiving someone else.

Sometimes it begins with asking someone else to forgive us.

And sometimes it begins with allowing God to teach us how to forgive ourselves.

I don’t have to pass it on.

Neither do you.

I’ll see you tomorrow for another 15 Minutes with God.