Black Women Have It Going On

Yesterday evening was a challenge. To understand why, I have to let you in on the “undercurrents” of my life lately. Over the past year, I’ve been intentionally shifting my circle. I’m finally waking up the unconscious side of my mind, learning who truly belongs in my space and who doesn’t.

I’ve realized I was never a “user,” but I was a chronic people-pleaser—a byproduct of my environment. I guess you could say I finally got tired of hitting my head against concrete walls.

The Collision of Passion and Pain

As many of you know, I am a family historian. My passion has taught me a difficult lesson: every life deserves to be documented, regardless of how well or poorly it was lived. Learning to record the truth without bias takes real growth—especially when the tree you’re working on is your own!

But last night, that growth was tested.

I was helping a friend with her family tree following a death in her family. I needed to document the dates of birth and death, and update the parentage for the deceased. That’s when my friend stopped me cold:

“I don’t want him on my tree.”

The “Heroism” of Unforgiveness

She was referring to the young lady’s father—a man who had abandoned his own children to raise another woman’s family elsewhere. When he eventually tried to return, he was rejected. My friend viewed her niece’s refusal to forgive him as “heroic.”

I viewed it as a tragedy.

I saw a daughter who died in a hospital bed never having been affirmed or loved by the one man who should have provided it. It wasn’t heroic; it was a cycle of pain that never found a path to healing.

The Lesson: Guard Your Peace

This isn’t just about genealogy. This is about how easily people can drag you into their mess. One minute you are simply trying to do what is right—documenting a life accurately—and the next, you are being pressured to “edit” reality to satisfy someone else’s resentment.

Even “innocent” moments can pull you into a selfish world where you’re expected to carry someone else’s baggage. Be careful what you allow into your space. Truth matters, and so does your peace.

Let’s pray.

A Prayer for Discernment and Peace

Heavenly Father,

I come to You today seeking clarity in a world that is often cluttered with the pain and choices of others. Thank You for the gift of truth, and for the strength You are building within me to stop being a “people-pleaser” and start being a steward of the peace You’ve given me.

Lord, I ask for a discerning heart. Help me to see the difference between helping a friend and carrying a burden that isn’t mine to bear. When I am faced with the “concrete walls” of other people’s anger or unforgiveness, give me the grace to stand firm in what is right without being pulled into the mess.

I pray specifically for those struggling with family wounds—for the fathers who walked away and the children who are left with the void. I ask for healing where there is bitterness and affirmation where there is rejection. May we not use our history to build walls, but use Your truth to find freedom.

Keep my eyes open, my boundaries strong, and my heart aligned with Yours.

Amen.