Part I: Should Black Women Be Wives and or Mother’s?

I'm a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.
I’m a better grand-mother than I was a mother because I learned the art of loving as my children and I grew up together.

Here’s another one of those post I blogged in April of 2013.  And, again, it didn’t get published because I didn’t believe I was a good enough writer.  I’ve made no changes really to my then thoughts.  The words are what they are because I felt them then. 

Well [pause] [sigh] before I started this post I tried to tackle another irrational comment that YouTube voyager said about Black women, but I became greatly frustrated.  Not because I could not argue my point(s) but I need facts.  Unfortunately the facts weren’t in our favor on one particular subject.  At least not yet!  Therefore, I have selected to discuss the roles Black women play as spouses and in motherhood.  Given my personal and professional experience I can hold my own in speaking on Black women and their roles as suitable mates and raising children.

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Honestly, I don’t know what rock this man crawled from under but he needs a realty check when it comes to discussing issues concerning Black women; and without question he surely needs to learn how to support his off-the-cuff theories with facts; because from where I sit he is very provincial in his comments.  He and his bad advice to those that will listen to him gives me the creeps!  He sounds like a Black Hitler in the making!  Really!

Hitler was a horrid man!  Horrid!  He was a great orator.  He made people believe they could fly when they could not.  But he was a horrible man with a horrible plan!  He made people kill their disable loved ones, in addition, he made people kill an ethnic group because each did not meet the standards or have the features of what he perceived to be the perfect German.

People!  People!  People!  “Those that fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.”  Do you know who said that?  I know who said those wonderful words but do you know?  Because they are true!  To me this young black man on YouTube is like Hitler.  He comes across as a great speaker.  He gives perception of being concern with humanity.  But soon as he begins to speak his cover is blown once he starts attacking a gender group, a race, and or a specific color within a race.  Frankly, he is worse than Hitler.  At least Hitler was trying to preserve the best of his race, but this foolish man is trashing his own race without preservation and feels good about it!  “He is a mad man begetting more mad men!”  Can you tell me where I got that quote from?

Yes!  I love to read and I enjoy old movies and I learn something new every day.  And for the love of God . . . I don’t understand how any person can stomach to watch, read, and listen to words that kill the soul, the very essence of what makes a person human.  I have spent enough time discussing that foolish man and men like him.  Now I need to discuss why women of color make excellent wives and mothers.

At 17 years old I was too young for motherhood and marriage, however, I was not alone.  My life experience was limited and so was the countless teen moms that were pregnant during the same time.  Neither, either, had no clue we were not mentally and emotionally prepared for motherhood and or marriage; but we were either pregnant and or married with no life experience.

I believe becoming an excellent parent and spouse is a life skill that is taught and in my case spiritually supplied.  As a young mom without a mentor I was an awful mother.  As a young wife without a mentor I was an awful spouse.  Sadly life failures taught me how to parent and how to love a man once he became my husband.  Now that I have been through the stages of life I am prepared to meet the challenges of getting my children and grand-daughter ready for their life journeys.

Several months ago I told my grand if you sleep with a boy then you will have a boy/daddy for your child’s father.  I told her she could not expect a boy to grow-up overnight because he got her pregnant.  This is a big problem among teens and young adults with children.  

Girls and young adult women want boys and young adult men to turn into father material after they get pregnant.  Not going to happen!  Why?  Because each female group is trying to fill a void.  A void that was caused by their parents failure to successfully grow up before starting a family.  Sadly, each female group is trying to connect or bond with a male on the level of fatherhood.  The more they try to make these unwilling boys and young men turn into their dream of what a dad looks like they will always have opposition.    

Just because a man/boy whispers in your ear during an intimate moment about making you his wife or wanting you to have his children does not mean he is ready for fatherhood.  It only means he knows how to get you going sexually!  Because a responsible man will tell you up front what he expects out of the relationship before it gets started.  And if a responsible man feels you are wife material he will ask for your hand in marriage before creating children.  

Perhaps the following is something to redeem my youthful decisions to become wife and mother so young, because I saw my young husband as a fool:  

“When a woman thinks her husband is a fool, her marriage is over. They may part in one year or ten; they may live together until death. But if she thinks he is a fool, she will not love him again.” ~Philippa Gregory

At the time when I became pregnant and a wife, I did not know how to cook for a husband or be a nurturing mother to a screaming baby.  On the flip-side, my young husband did not know how to provided for a pregnant wife and later a child; worst he failed morally when he sought comforts in another young woman’s arms and they created a child.  Are you seeing where I am going with this?  

Everyone must start the lesson of becoming a good parent and an excellent mate at some point during their life.  Inexperience does not mean Black women are not parent and wife material.  It only means some Black women need help in learning the craft of nurturing their young and being their husband’s main support system.  With that written I feel this is a good stopping for point today.  Have a great one!  

And remember Black women have it going on!  


Brace Yourself for The Most Racist Statements by a Minority

Inspirational Fridays: Trouble Getting Going?

Family Travel TrailerI just got back from a five-day camping trip.  My family and I decided to join a friend and her family at a local state park.  I knew preparing for the mini-vacation would be a chore; since, I have been emotionally and physically tired for years.  But a vacation of some sort was a high priority.  So, when my friend told me that she and her family was going camping at Boyd Lake State Park, I reserved a camping spot for my family and me to join her and her family.

My friend was too excited to have us come with.  She had made plans for us as a group to do this and that.  She had made her trailer as the command central.  She had even planned several of our meals (without consulting me).  Her efforts were those of a true friend but her services were not totally needed.  As you can see, my dearest and sweetest friend took it upon herself to make plans for everyone without consulting with anybody.  And had the women of both families checked with each other about the trip perhaps hurt feelings could have been avoided.

My friend had failed to see I wanted some me time.  I wanted to escape the demands of my demanding life.  I wanted to sit and or lay in the comforts of cleanliness.  I wanted to enjoy my trailer that has been for years a BIG source of disappointment in some mental capacity.  But, nevertheless [sigh], the trailer belongs to me and mine and we love it despite of all the headaches it has given us.  And we are always overjoyed to use it when it is not in the shop for months at a time because it was poorly made.

However, with all that was going on mentally, I had very little time to freely think about the direction of my life until now.

I got the below YouTube video from a fellow blogger and I thought I would share the powerful message with you:

Don’t Be Upset with Black Men That Are Delusional

It is God’s will that your honorable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you.        1 Peter 2:15

Last week I opened a post listed on my Facebook feed.  Since the title was intriguing I got hooked.  I wanted to hear the message to Black men.  I thought from the title it would be inspirational, character building and race supportive.  It was nowhere near positive male and race affirmation.  The message was a tongue lashing from a man who has pent-up aggression over his childhood and Black women were the cause of his misery.  Laughter!  Oh my! was my first response.  I could not believe he was ignorantly babblative and proud of it.  Wait, get this, worse yet, I can’t believe I watch the YouTube video and afterwards watched another of his demeaning video’s about Black women.  I don’t know if I was in shock, horribly amazed or rightly shamed as a woman of color.  Below are some points he tried to make about Black women in American:

  1. Black women do not use correct grammar
  2. Black women are not good candidates for dating, marriage and motherhood
  3. Black women are so destructive

Laughter!  Really!  Now!  The above bullet points are just a few he mentioned.  Am I wordless at this point?  Yes and no.   Mainly because I have never heard a man of color speaks so badly and boldly about women of color privately or publicly.  However in later blog posts I will discuss his points [stressing points] of views about Black women.  I’m not upset at the young Black man.  It is clear to see he is confused about the “facts of life.”  Frederick Douglas once said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

He is a person with a lot of pain.  His video messages displayed and display a broken man.  He kept talking about his mother and her inability to affirm him as a person and as her child.  He also spoke about how his mother said he was like or looked like his “ugly ass daddy.”  Yes, he went there.  Laughter.  He even went on to discuss how Black girls told him that he was too black to date.  Really.  Are you serious [chuckle].  I could not believe he went there . . . but he did!  He really needs a reality check, because countless pre-teens, teens, young adults and adults alike experience relationship rejection by the opposite sex from their race.  But they don’t go postal and begin video blogs about the negative side of possible counterparts.  Honestly healthy people say “better luck next time” when they don’t score with the opposite sex or same-sex.  So, again, really!  He truly needs to grow up.  To me his childhood disappointments have become delusional pain that hinders him from accepting the “facts of life” and preventing him from becoming a man.  People like him scare me.

No self-respecting man or Black man would publicly or privately bash possible counterpart of his race or any other race for that matter and feel proud.  So like I said this young Black man is very confused and he needs to accept the “facts of life.”  What are the “facts of life?”  Well in his case I have listed a few below:

  • Every child wants the perfect family; meaning mommy and daddy living in the same house in marrital bliss. (And when I write every child I include all generations.)
  • Every child would like to have a cookie cutter mom, where she’s never raised her voice, she never gets angry; she allows you to jump on furniture blind folded and later kisses your boo-boo because you fell off your make-pretend mountain.
  • Every child would like to have a father with a strong protective and providing image where you know as long as dad is around you will be safe and you will have a roof over your head and a Harvest of Plenty.
  • Every child would love to have wise parents to guide them along life journeys.
  • Everyone wants acceptance from the opposite sex or same-sex in a naïve way.
  • No child born grows up wanting to parent poorly, but life circumstances change perceptions and reactions to life choices.

Only a fool will bask in their foolishness when diminishing the image of another human.  I found this young man’s words poison to the soul.  I don’t want his poison to spread and kill the hope and dreams of Black intimacy, because we were born to procreate within our race.  Now. Now.  I’m not saying intimacy can’t cross color lines, I’m just saying his words were racial genocide; and he is too foolish to realize it.  Furthermore, after he spoke poorly of his mother, it confirmed he has a problem with being a Black man.  As he strongly bashed and blamed Black women for this or that I’m afraid his weak-minded followers failed to hear the undercurrents of race hate.  Simply putting it, he don’t like himself as a Black man; therefore, he doesn’t want other Black men that are searching for purpose to like themselves either.

Like I expressed he babbled too much thus losing his argumentative points and the focal attention of his audience.  Well he lost the attention of those that are wise enough to see he exploits his race for notoriety and possible YouTube fame.  For a wise Native American named Iroquois Maxim once said, “In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations.”

As I pointed out earlier I have privately and publicly heard Black men speak ill of Black women but never to this degree.  So as an American Black woman I am taking a stance.  I won’t give his YouTube video any traffic.  I won’t go on his turf and bash him as he has verbosely bashed American Black Women.  But I will discuss his self-hatred viewpoints with sound arguments.  Until next time, stay encouraged while remembering Black women have it going on despite Black men that are delusional.