Old School Wisdom: A Lady Never Kisses and Tells

Photo taken from:  The Queen Bee of Bees
Photo taken from: The Queen Bee of Bees

Please do not ask me why but I belong to a group where white men and black women search for interracial love.  And, yes, I am married, so please don’t add more to my belonging to this group other than:  I joined for nostalgic reasons.  My husband knows I am associated with the group and he is okay with me being a member.  But my blog post today is not about why I joined such a group.  Actually the subject is more in line with  “A Lady Never Kisses and Tells.”

A couple of weeks ago I noticed the group heating up with activity.  So one day I zipped cyberly into the room where I quietly watched the dialogues between the sexes.

After a young woman had blown the cover of a married man he started calling all the women in the group “hoes.”  And the unconventional responses from the young women failed to put the disrespectful young man in his proper place; therefore, he became more abusive because he knew he was saying things that upset the women.  Sadly the administrator(s) of the group supported this young man’s abrasive behavior.  Especially since he/she/they did not temporarily or permanently remove him from the community.  So, me, as an old schooler sitting and watching the conversation unfold witness rejection at its worse and low self-esteem at its peak.  But what bugged me most was the following question asked by another man within the group:

Lets talk about blowjobs. What are your thoughts, feelings, opinions and knowledge on the subject?

When I told my husband I had a problem with the question my husband said, “You got a problem with that question?  With all the other [implicated deleted] going on and you got a problem with that question?”  Regrettably, I must confess my husband in private spoke like a true man!  Ugh!

Oh!  But my hubby didn’t stop with the above [not so funny] statements he then continued his humor by saying, “He was running a primary election trying to find the right candidate.  He was being Democratic.”

It’s obvious my husband finds the question humorous while I’m totally offended by it.  For the record, I am not a prude but, I am a person that believes ‘A Lady Never Kisses and Tells.’  And I felt any woman who responded to the question would be foolish!  Because the question was posed to scout-out desperate naïve women that would be willing to do anything of a sexual nature for a chance at love.

However, there is one thing my husband and I both agree on, and that is “the guy was trying to fill a job position.”  And every women that answered his question was possibly considered for the job.

Word to the young:

If an acquaintance is willing to discuss sexual preference before they cultivate a meaningful and lasting relationship with you, then they are looking to satisfy their sexual appetite and any person will do!  Don’t you be that any person unless you are looking to be a one-night stand! And even when a woman has a one night-stand she holds true to ‘A Lady Never Kisses and Tells’!

     

The Prayers of Black Women: Balancing Pain with Pleasure

Photo Taken From: https://twitter.com/AuthorESkoglund
Photo Taken From: https://twitter.com/AuthorESkoglund

A few years after my mother died, I remembered more vividly the times in childhood when she had made gloomy days seem cheerful.  When something special to do inside, such as new paper dolls or a coloring book.  Later, when I was in school, I always knew that on a rainy day I would come home to the smell of cookies baking in the oven . . .

I remembered, too, that in my childhood my mother had always balanced grief with comfort, pain with joy . . . To compensate for my childhood illnesses, for example, she used to read me stories which made the afternoon fly, or she would show me how to knit doll clothes out of the scraps of yarn which she had saved in a worn, brocade knitting bag . . .

Whatever the specific method used, my mother had learned, long before I knew her, how to balance pain with pleasure.

Elizabeth Skoglund

Today’s Prayer:

Lord somewhere in the world there are people in mental anguish over life’s trials and tribulations.  Often such pain is psychologically unbearable.  During these moments sometimes people don’t have the ability to hold their heads high with the assurance of knowing God’s powers to set things right.  Because of their inability to see your spiritual support most times every breath taken produce questions of their existence.  Lord to be honest it is during these times when emotional pain makes a person feel every so often they do not have much use for others.  And everything accomplished is tarnished with the shadow of sorrow; as it seems to their misfortune they were not given loved ones to uplift them during moments of afflictions.  Hum . . . Lord, it is within our moments of tribulations that we see the hand prints of God on our lives.  Therefore, I’m asking for your Holy presence among those who have yet to learn how to balance pain with pleasure.  Lord I’m asking that you teach them that sorrow only last for a moment.  Lord, I’m also praying they learn how to allow thoughts of joy to diminish their temporary gloomy day(s).  So, again, Lord, I’m asking that you turn on your spiritual lights for these people that they might see how to truly balance pain with pleasure; and in turn they will enjoy living once again.  Amen.

Your Loving Daughter,

Annette

Inspirational Fridays: Letting Go vs. Moving On

Claiming What’s Yours

You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours.  When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take same time, you are fierce with reality.  –Florida Pier Scott-Maxwell

Photo Taken From:  www.usatoday.com
Photo Taken From: http://www.usatoday.com

It takes a long time to understand the difference between letting go and moving on, especially if you try to bypass the transitions following life-altering change.  Most women believe we can avoid transitions by becoming very busy.  “Waiting, done at really high speeds, will frequently look like something else,” observes Carrie Fisher hopefully.  Its’ called multitasking.  How often do we use the congestion and sheer occupation of our days to anesthetize ourselves against emotion, thought, and action?  When I make myself busy and permit the activities swirling around me to grab my attention, I tell myself over and over that I can’t think today about the choices I should be making or mourn what my heart is begging my brain to remember.  Call it the Scarlett Syndrome.  I’ll think about that tomorrow.  I’ll grieve over that tomorrow.  After all, tomorrow is another day.  “Life must go on,” Edna St. Vincent Millay Wrote, “I forget just why.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Taboo Tuesdays: Learning to be Happy in Your Skin – Part II

Last week I shared the following story:

MA Concerned Mom asked:

I have asked my friends and family a million times but nothing works maybe someone can give me something else to try? I have a daughter who is 5 she is half african american half white. She is a beautiful girl but she HATES her color (carmel). Ive tried explaining to her that she is beautiful and no matter what color she is she is beautiful. Ive tried explaining everything to her it dont work! My son is very pale color and she seems to be so jealous of him I even have a hard time getting her to go to her.dads house or family’s cause she dont want to be around “colored” people. Its like she resents them for her color! She often ask who God punished her and made her brown or if she can paint herself white. Please someone have tips? Im out of ideads..

Taboo Tues Blog PhotoWhen I read the story something about the content tapped into my hidden issues of self-hatred.  I immediately recognized the unhealthy emotions as painful childhood memories.  Honestly, I wanted them to remain buried.  Mainly because they are suppressed memories from my childhood.   I didn’t know how to deal with them.  Yet something bigger, something greater, did not want my feelings of hopelessness to stay buried.  Apparently it is time I visited the giants that seemed so much bigger to the little girl in the photo.

Coming across the plea from a hopeless mother has changed my life.  The story casts light on my life learned lessons about self-hatred.

Now that I am an adult I am wiser than the little girl within that continues to feel helpless, unloved, and ugly.  Unknown to her I can go to the giants of rejection, abuse, and self mutilation.   I can knock on their door without fear.  I can barge my way into restraint places as a protector of hers and my mental well being.  And most of all I give my spirit the authority to emotionally rescue the little girl in the photo and join her with the woman I have become.

Love yourself, for if you don’t how can you expect anybody else to love you? ~Author Unknown

When Love Transcend Social Boundaries

Artist:  Unknown
Artist: Unknown

Last Sunday I was pressed to write a prayer for my blog  “The Prayers of Black Women.”  I wasn’t sure of my spiritual request to God; but, I felt my prayer should have been about Black women.

[Please don’t stop reading.  God is working in my life on my misplaced and misguided thoughts, and you will read the transformation soon.]

Any-who-how, I was proud of my “I’m Black and I’m Proud” prayer.  Yet, I desired another persons opinion [preferably a black person].  So, I asked my son to come and proofread the prayer I had written.

Again, please don’t stop reading.  God is working in my life on my misplaced and misguided thoughts about what it truly means to be a Black woman; and believe me when I write, my transformation is coming soon.  Sooner than I expect!

Insight:

For the past couple of days my soul has been unease about the image I’m projecting as a woman of color.

In my personal life I have an array of friends from all walks of life.

With great remorse, I have notice when I write I come across as a person of color that do not like people from other race groups.  The image I’m projecting is totally the opposite of my character.  Totally!  And if you keep reading you will soon see God is getting ready to transform the way I have been thinking and writing lately.

Dialogue between me and my son:

Me:  Can you please proofread my prayer?

My Son:  Hum.  Hum.  Okay.  (My son does not like to get involved in my writing projects.  So I was shocked when he said he would help me.)

Me:  So what do you think?

My Son:  If I came across your blog I would not read it.

Me:  Why?  [I was shocked at his bluntness.]

My Son:  Because it doesn’t have anything that could help me.

Me:  Of course not!  It’s a blog for Black women!

My Son:  Isn’t this about prayer?

Me:  Yes.  But it is a prayer for Black women.

My Son:  Shouldn’t prayer be for everyone?

Me:  [Speechless.]

Lesson Learned:

As a former seminar student I recently realized several pitfalls of racism.

In 1 Corinthians 15:31, Paul writes, “For I swear, dear brothers and sisters, that I face death daily. This is as certain as my pride in what Christ Jesus our Lord has done in you.”

Though I am on a spiritual sabbatical, I am an ambassador for Christ; therefore, my color, race, culture, and personal beliefs outside of Christianity should die daily.  But as it was, after finding myself upset with narrow-minded people I began a blog for Black women despite the need to encourage everyone.

Please understand, I am not a racist, my heart grieves for my race.  With such sorrow I find myself disappointed with a group of people who keep allowing themselves to fall prey to the cruelties of society.  My mind can’t grasp why these beautiful men and women continue to be mentally and emotionally castrated.   It is painful to belong to a race and sit idle as it implode.  Hosea 4:6 says, “My people perish for the lack of knowledge.

And because I don’t want my people to perish, sadly, my gender and my race became my cause to write.  When in my case it should have been man’s inhumanity to man who made me want to make a difference by putting into action “the pen is mightier than the sword.”  Because at the end of the day when all has been said and done we are still humans in need of love despite, race, color, culture, personal beliefs, personal choices, professional choices, religious choices, age and gender.

Until humankind understand that life without love and acceptance is all for not.  We will continue to overlook the most important thing to remember about living:  and that is when love transcend social boundaries it makes people do the right thing.  In 1 Corinthians 13:2-7 Paul writes the below about love:

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The Prayers of Black Women: May 5, 2013

Dear God:

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

It is me again.  I come boldly with a humble spirit before you.  I’m asking for your help to pray for those that are in need of prayer.  Lord it has been a long time since I have prayed in a public setting.  So, once again, I’m asking for help in praying for the needs of others.

Lord, I ask for peace to penetrate the hearts of humanity.  I ask for love to transcend the walls of racial issues, marital issues, relationship issues, sibling issues, self-hatred issues, low self-esteem issues and etc.  I’m asking for the Holy Trinity to aid all leaders from different nation’s in serving the needs of their people and the needs of the world.

But, Lord, I come to you with a special request on the behalf of American Black girls.

Someone once told me Lord that you love when your children repeat your Holy Words back to you during petitioning you for favor.  Well . . . Lord here I am.  I am reminding you of your promises.  Your word says,  “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.  It was I who sent this great destroying army against you (Joel 2:25).”

Lord, my life is almost over.  I am 51 and will soon turn 52; and, if you are kind I might successfully live another 30 to 40 years.  I realize I can do a lot within 30 to 40 years but my heart laments over the wasted years of my youth.

Lord, because I feel my caregivers dropped the ball when it came to guiding me successfully in my youth I am praying for Black American girls this morning.

Lord, I am asking that you give them each a protective angel; an angel that will sweetly speak words of affirmation and encouragement in their ears to help them throughout life.  I’m praying they understands they have a purpose in life.  I’m praying each understands without question that they are not personal dumping ground for other’s.  I am praying that you convey to them early the plans you have for them and their lives.  Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  Awe the words ‘future’ and ‘hope.’  

Lord it is standard pattern and practice for other’s to feel their purpose is to rob American Black girls of their futures and hope.  Therefore, Lord, I’m praying American Black girls will understand self-respect, self-love, and self-affirmation.  For in doing so they will know their futures will be brighter with the knowledge of knowing they have hope.

Also, Lord, I am asking for you to set in motion a plan to restore order to American Black girls inherit fragile souls and give them your prosperity promises.  Lord, I’m praying that each American Black girl is given the mindset to accept your gifts and learn to appreciate them.

So often others will make American Black girls feel guilty for having when they have not.  But, Lord, I release your protective spirit in the lives of Black American girls that they will have life according to your riches and glory in Heaven and on Earth, and in doing so they will not allow others to steal their blessings.  I’m praying Lord that you will allow American Black girls to see themselves as you see them:  Psalm 139:14 statesI praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Your Loving Daughter,

Annette