New Entrance Policy in Heaven
One day, Heaven suddenly became extremely full, and something had to be done. So the Lord decided to have St. Peter wait at the gate and ask everyone how they died. If it was a grisly story they told, they could go ahead into Heaven. But if not, they had to go to Hell.
The first man walks up and St. Peter tells him what’s happening. “You see, Heaven is quite full today, and we have to ask everyone how they died. If it sounds good, you can go ahead. But if not, you go to Hell.”
“Ok,” the man says. “Well, for awhile I’d been suspecting my wife of cheating on me. So today I thought I’d leave work early and catch her. Sure enough, I got to my apartment and she was lying naked on the bed. I ran all over the apartment searching for the man but couldn’t find him.
Then I remembered that we lived on the 25th floor of an apartment building, and we have a balcony. And there was the man, hanging off my balcony. I beat at his hands and he just wouldn’t let go, so I ran and got a hammer and beat his hands until he fell into the bushes below. I saw he was still alive so I got the refrigerator and pushed over the edge on top of him. But the strain of the effort gave me a heart attack and I died.
“Wow!” St. Peter said. “That really is bad! You can go ahead…”
The next man walked up and St. Peter gave his spiel about Heaven being full and the man would have to tell his story.
“Ok,” the second man said. “So I live on the 26th floor of an apartment building, and everyday I do exercises on my balcony. Well, today I fell over the edge, but luckily I caught the railing of the balcony below me.”
“Suddenly, this man came running out and started beating at my hands. He ran back inside and I thought I was safe, but then he came back out with a hammer and beat my hands again. I finally fell off, but luckily I landed in the bushes below and they saved my life. But that wasn’t enough for the man because he pushed his refrigerator over the edge and it landed on me and killed me. And now I’m here.”
“Wow, that’s a good one too! You can go ahead…”
The third man walked up and St. Peter again gave his spiel about Heaven being full and the man would have to tell his story of how he died.
“Ok,” the third man said. “I don’t know what happened. I was hiding naked inside this refrigerator…”