You’re Not Raising a Man For Her

close up photo of man kissing woman
Photo by Avonne Stalling on

This post might get a few women upset.  But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t piss a few folks off every now and again.

For me, a mother of three sons, the statement that makes my stomach churn as a parent and a woman is:  “I’m raising my son so he will be a good mate for a woman.”

No!  What they’re raising is the perfect man for them!

They didn’t find the perfect man so in their sick minds they are robbing their son’s from rights of passage.  In efforts of being deemed a good woman for tailoring their son’s to be a good man for a woman such as them.

They have no clue that children should be showered with love and understanding; as they learn about themselves and the world around them.

Romance between a man and woman is a sacred moment.  It’s a moment when two adults find common ground for love beyond what they first knew as children.  It’s the moment when love is transformed into emotional fireworks and passion outside of what a mom can give.  So, a man child should never be singled out and be fashioned to meet women’s criteria because his momma and or caregiver could not find a suitable partner.

Trust me when a man meets that special person she will have a few ideas of what’s romantic to her.  And in the end it’s not what momma want it’s what our son’s and their significant partner want.

Day Ten: She Was Not A Good Looking Woman

Loving Yourself QuotesA couple of days ago I was in the grocery store.  And!  Yes!  I was couponing BIG FASHION!  When I saw this guy from when I was young.  I first met him through my step-brother.  During that time they belonged to a local dance group.  Well anywhohow, the man looked at me as if he was trying to place my face as his wife caught my mutual gaze.  Rudely, I kept staring with amazement!

I know I should have cared and turned my focus elsewhere.  But the ugliness of his wife would not let me stop gawking!  I truly could not help myself!  Thoughts of days gone by were flooding my mind as my eyes thought someone was playing a trick on me.

I was in shock!  Absolute shock!  And then my mind finally settled and whispered, “He ended up with that!”

Moral of this story:

I had such a crush on that guy but he didn’t like me [sad face]!  And as a young woman back then rejection made me feel extremely ugly.  So, to my dismay, I took the rejections of young men to heart.  Sadly and eventually, I told myself I was ugly and my wounded spirit believed me.  Regrettably, as a young woman I lived a life of not expecting good things; because, again, I thought I was ugly and unworthy of love.

When I saw the now older guy’s wife, and once the shock of what he married quickly wore off, I was reminded of an old cliché “beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder!”

Therefore, my message to young men and women is this :  Never take to heart another person’s rejection when seeking romance, love, friendship and lasting relationships.  There is someone for everyone.  There are friends to be made and friendships to end.  There is love and forever loved.  Be patient!  Live your life!  Enjoy your life!  You only come this way once!  It would be a waste of your life to walk with your spiritual head flopping all over the place because someone rejected you.  Rejection is a part of life and it is a very healthy part of growing.

One of The Reasons I Love Living


Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they got” ~ Author Unknown

I don’t normally post photos of my loved ones.  I usually keep them private for safety reasons.  But, since, I am blogging about being a proud woman of color I thought it would be great if I allow others to see my IMG_7069IMG_7031 - Copygrand-daughter that I am so deliciously proud of.  She is one of the reasons why I love living!  And why I love being a Black woman!  She represents everything I once was and everything I had hope to aspire.  The failures of those that had the power to help create in me the things I desired as a human has encouraged me to be a better grand-parent and mentor.  I am her inspiration!  And she is mine!

She believes in me.  She encourages me when I feel less than.  And most of all she loves me unconditionally.

The above two photos are of her now.  The below two photos is when she first came to live with us.  She was hurt.  Angry at me and wanted to return home.  But we made it through.  She is a bundle of love and joy.  She is ever amazed at my abilities and always gives thumbs up when she thinks I have done something over the top.    You should hear our conversations.  Our relationship is love in action.  And she will be dearly missed when she returns to her mom.  Daily I give her instructions of acquiring a successful life.  I tell her don’t stop till you get there and don’t depend on a man or others to give you nothing but love.  And if those in your life can’t love you . . . keep stepping and love yourself.