For the past couple of months I have corresponded with a female family member. She lives with a man, age 28, that has custodial issues with his child’s mother.
It seems he has problems keeping a job and a roof over his head. And now that she lives with him, it seems he struggles with keeping a roof over her head. Should he gain custody of his child, the hand-writing on the wall clearly shows he won’t be able to keep a roof over his child’s head either. Yet, my young impetuous family member feels she and this guy are more suitable to raise the child than its mother!
Ooh! I forgot to add, my young and gullible family member is only twenty-one years old. She seems to believe living life as an adult is stupid. Well at any rate with her childlike behavior she has been told by whoever, whomever, she is more suited to raise another woman’s child. And with that noted I want to say the following:
It pisses me off to the highest of pisstivity when parents move on and find foolish people who believe they would make a better parent to children than the custodial or non-custodial parent. And, trust me when I write, it really does rip my seat of toleration when these foolish people truly believe they are better than the parent in question.
Children don’t come with manuals. And every parent (male or female) will make mistakes in parenting. And I don’t give a hoot who spouts they are the better parent! There are no perfect parents! There are parents that do the best they can with what they have. There are parents that are good parents because they do exceptional jobs at parenting! But there are no perfect parents! Like there are no perfect children.
Please do not ask me why but I belong to a group where white men and black women search for interracial love. And, yes, I am married, so please don’t add more to my belonging to this group other than: I joined for nostalgic reasons. My husband knows I am associated with the group and he is okay with me being a member. But my blog post today is not about why I joined such a group. Actually the subject is more in line with “A Lady Never Kisses and Tells.”
A couple of weeks ago I noticed the group heating up with activity. So one day I zipped cyberly into the room where I quietly watched the dialogues between the sexes.
After a young woman had blown the cover of a married man he started calling all the women in the group “hoes.” And the unconventional responses from the young women failed to put the disrespectful young man in his proper place; therefore, he became more abusive because he knew he was saying things that upset the women. Sadly the administrator(s) of the group supported this young man’s abrasive behavior. Especially since he/she/they did not temporarily or permanently remove him from the community. So, me, as an old schooler sitting and watching the conversation unfold witness rejection at its worse and low self-esteem at its peak. But what bugged me most was the following question asked by another man within the group:
Lets talk about blowjobs. What are your thoughts, feelings, opinions and knowledge on the subject?
When I told my husband I had a problem with the question my husband said, “You got a problem with that question? With all the other [implicated deleted] going on and you got a problem with that question?” Regrettably, I must confess my husband in private spoke like a true man! Ugh!
Oh! But my hubby didn’t stop with the above [not so funny] statements he then continued his humor by saying, “He was running a primary election trying to find the right candidate. He was being Democratic.”
It’s obvious my husband finds the question humorous while I’m totally offended by it. For the record, I am not a prude but, I am a person that believes ‘A Lady Never Kisses and Tells.’ And I felt any woman who responded to the question would be foolish! Because the question was posed to scout-out desperate naïve women that would be willing to do anything of a sexual nature for a chance at love.
However, there is one thing my husband and I both agree on, and that is “the guy was trying to fill a job position.” And every women that answered his question was possibly considered for the job.
Word to the young:
If an acquaintance is willing to discuss sexual preference before they cultivate a meaningful and lasting relationship with you, then they are looking to satisfy their sexual appetite and any person will do! Don’t you be that any person unless you are looking to be a one-night stand! And even when a woman has a one night-stand she holds true to ‘A Lady Never Kisses and Tells’!
Apparently a young man was running late for work when he saw a car accident. He called his boss to leave a message about his delay. But afterwards he finds himself giving a blow-by-blow account of what was taking place between a man and elderly women. This is truly the funniest story and voicemail I have ever heard.
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying:
“Just take care of my eyes dear.”
This is how human brain changes when the status changed. Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there even in the most painful situations.
Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word–
think of someone who can’t speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food–
think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife–
think of someone who is crying out to God for a companion.
Today before you complain about life–
think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children–
think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn’t clean or sweep–
think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive–
think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job–
think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another–
remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down–
put a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around.
Life is a gift – Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, and Fulfill it.
Several weeks ago someone posted a mock question about a woman dating a man in prison. I and many others responded. In addition, I also blogged about the question. I noticed my answer and a few others were passed over and did not receive any thumbs up! But the below answers received at least 2 or more likes:
If he’s going to be out soon, I would continue to befriend him but make no commitments until he comes out and lives the new life he is claiming. I’m sure you’ve been told this but it’s easier to submit and do the right thing when you have no other choice and the temptation is not there. The real test will be when he gets out. Take your time and date him when he comes home act like you are meeting the new him for the 1st time and get to know the new him.
First of all, you really dont know anymore than what he is telling you. Now there is a thing called jailhouse religion, so be very careful. As for as the diploma goes, that aint nothing new either. Just take your time and as Chase stated, give him 6-12 month on the outside. Love is funny but the hurt that came come with it, well baby that aint no JOKE!!!
Girlfriend being locked up or having your freedom taken away is a humbling experience for anyone. Unfortunately some people only turn to the bible when they get into situations beyond their control. But regardless of when he turned as long as he acknowledges the word of God and establishes a spiritual relationship for himself, God can give him the peace wisdom and understanding to seek his will and way for his life. No one better in this world than you can answer this question, if you are making the right decision? It’s your choice. If you are willing to settle with someone who has obviously done some things to afford his freedom to be taken away, and you feel, he will no longer, once he gets his freedom again, do those things, and you care enough to believe in his ability to change and do right by you and the law, do what makes you happy, but don’t be naïve in your decision, weigh your pro’s and con’s, and be sure that is what you want, it’s your life and you will have to live with your decision. Take care, Be Blessed!
And this one really took the cake.
Yeah just pray
But the one from a man was not surprising!
Sister. NOTHING redeems a brother getting out of “lock” like a woman that’s stod by him,and encouraged him to be a better person. That’s one of a billion reasons we love yall! However,give him some time to walk the walk that he,s talking. If he shows signs of reverting back to “old behaviors”,admonish him with the word of God first..and then your personal feelings. If he doesn’t show signs of positive,continued growth,you may have to step back abit..give him something to aspire to. Good luck,and God bless you both! P.S. I once was..but now am..a new creature in Christ! (from prison to Praise!)
Each reply is confirmation to a single and lonely Black woman that it is okay to date any-old-thang! I just gotta ask. Black women what are you thinking? Really! It appears no one thought to ask “What is wrong with this picture.” The projected imagery the question posed for a Black woman dating an inmate was a slap in the face.
In college we did many mock questions. Several of them were intense. One of them involved a husband/expected father that had several burdens when it came to deciding the fate of his dying wife and his unborn child. But the question submitted on my Facebook page for Black women was insulting because of the low expectations for women of color.
From each response it was clear to see no one thought to ask the “Five W’s.” Who, what, when, where, and why. However, in everyone’s defense we knew who, we knew when, and we even knew where. But again no one stopped to ask ‘what is wrong with this picture’ and why would a woman date someone in jail?
I’m sure my questions come across as having the “better than” attitude, but I’m not. I have learned over the years to reach for the stars; and that includes the men I choose to share my life with. Therefore, I began my response with, “Why is this woman dating a man behind bars?” Because as I see things, I’m sorry but a man incarcerated is not a good dating choice. As a woman that promotes advancement for color women I would have never posed such a question for Black women to entertain.
Black women in order for our men to advance with us we must raise the bar. Until the bar of expectation is raised our Black men will continue to fail in education, fail to gain employment, fail in dating, fail in marriage, fail in spiritual wholeness, fail in parenthood, and fail as being mentors for men that have lost their way in life. Other words, if they go to jail for bad behaviors don’t reward them by dating them in jail. And for goodness sake refrain from corresponding with them they have family.
Let me be the first to admit, I think it is sad that many Black men are living their life behind bars. I think it is even sadder when Black women are comfortable with entertaining the idea of dating incarcerated men.
Personally, I would rather cross the color line and date a successful man from another race than settle for someone that undoubtedly have social issues.
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. ~Fr. Jerome Cummings
Recently, I noticed several of my readers (not like I have many at this point) are from other ethnic groups. I’m grateful for that! I have a rainbow of friends. I don’t have much time today to discuss the beauty of having friends from all walks of life and races, but I want to take a quick moment to share a funny story, or a story I found funny some years ago.
Truly I think Black people can sometimes be as harsh and unforgiving towards other ethnic groups as other racial groups are sometimes towards Black’s [laughter]. But I have several White friends I enjoy. When they celebrate their accomplishments I celebrate with them and when they are sad I cry with and for them. Honestly, many of them, just like my Black friends, hold my deepest secrets about my life and aspirations.
This story is about friendship, gaining of trust, love and respect of all people. One day a Black friend came to visit me when I lived in my old home. And since I am a person that loves art I surround myself with such beauty without bias. I buy Black art, art with flowers or nature and art with people from other cultures. As a matter of fact, when the house went on the market I was permitted to leave my artwork on the walls, because no one could conclude the house belonged to a Black person. Any-who-how, there were photos sitting on my fireplace mantel. My friend, being curious, got up from the place she was sitting and began to scan them. Then I hear these words coming from my den, “Girl, when are you going to take these White folks out of here and put a picture in this frame?” I was puzzled by her remark. I knew she was talking about the stock photo copy that comes in picture frames, but I knew, or at least I thought I had removed all the stock photos copies from the frames sitting on my mantel. So I go to see what she was talking about. When I got to the frame of question, within in its boundaries was a friend I knew loved me. She was and is a White female. She was and still is as precious to me as my Black friends and family members. She never forgot my birthdays. Every year she made me a birthday cake and brought it to work to celebrate the day of my earthly arrival. She remembered my birthday when my family members would forget it! She always shared what little she had to brighten my bleak life. She became my inspiration to not give up when all hope was gone. I immediately turned to my Black friend that I also cherished and told her, “Girl, that’s not a stock photo!” And with a hardy laugh, I said, “That’s my friend Ronna and her son!” Nothing else needed to be said. We laugh and continued on with our visit.
I urge and wish people from all races to stop by and visit. I welcome each of your comments and insight on matters about women of color as we each continue to learn how to bridge the gap on racial issues. Have a great Thursday!
“Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they got” ~ Author Unknown
I don’t normally post photos of my loved ones. I usually keep them private for safety reasons. But, since, I am blogging about being a proud woman of color I thought it would be great if I allow others to see my grand-daughter that I am so deliciously proud of. She is one of the reasons why I love living! And why I love being a Black woman! She represents everything I once was and everything I had hope to aspire. The failures of those that had the power to help create in me the things I desired as a human has encouraged me to be a better grand-parent and mentor. I am her inspiration! And she is mine!
She believes in me. She encourages me when I feel less than. And most of all she loves me unconditionally.
The above two photos are of her now. The below two photos is when she first came to live with us. She was hurt. Angry at me and wanted to return home. But we made it through. She is a bundle of love and joy. She is ever amazed at my abilities and always gives thumbs up when she thinks I have done something over the top. You should hear our conversations. Our relationship is love in action. And she will be dearly missed when she returns to her mom. Daily I give her instructions of acquiring a successful life. I tell her don’t stop till you get there and don’t depend on a man or others to give you nothing but love. And if those in your life can’t love you . . . keep stepping and love yourself.