Today I read something or something’s that changed my life.  One of the things that transformed my life was the comparison of a word vs. a statement (overwhelmed or in high demand).  After reading the informative post, I choose to stop thinking of my life as being overwhelming and view it as a life in high demand.  Once I changed the way I saw things I found myself immediately putting into action a plan to manage projects, household, monies, work, love, delegating responsibilities and etc.  Guess what?  My spirit is more at ease.   I can breathe.  I can see sunlight at the end of the tunnel [tears].

The hell I was living was the one I created by default.  I love my family.  I want them to have stress free lives.  Sadly my love for them naïvely forced me to take on everyone’s responsibility; and as a result, my life and I became unimportant.  The feeling of less than kept me from being the person I want and wanted to be, and as I helped others reach their goals or make their dreams a reality, my soul kept asking “what about me?”  Too busy being a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, niece, and lord only knows what else to everyone else, I ignored the question.  Now I sit in midlife crises!  No one can help me because the answers are within me.

My wish to move to Europe and study fashion after high school is a dream lost.  My wish to live in Paris for my entire life after high school graduation is a dream lost.  My wish to be a successful clothing designer is also lost.  My wish to stay a virgin until I met the right guy is a regrettable loss.  My wish to marry a man as driven as I was and am is without a doubt the biggest lost.  I’m not sure how to give myself new dreams, but I can view things differently in a more positive way.  I can make changes to a life unsuccessfully lived one change at a time, one day at a time, as I learn to live the life I never wanted!