Day One

Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.

Vicki Harrison

OMG! It’s time to countdown! We’re close to completing renovating my mom’s house. I’m finding myself feeling some type of way about the coming end of this adventure. I’m not sad my mom’s home is going to market. But the end of the reno has awaken sadness time will never heal. The loss of innocence. The loss of my brother. And, now, the loss of my mom.

When everything around me became chaotic the empty house became warm and inviting. It became my refuge. It was there my troubles began at the tender age of eleven. And it was there my soul found peace at the ripe old age of 59 and three quarters.

Each day I spend in my mom’s home assurance washes over my soul. The ghosts of growth, love and understanding comforts me.

My brother loved me. And, I him. I feel his presence from time to time. My mother loved me. And, I loved her more than I thought she would ever know. And her presence is strong. It comforts me in so many ways. Warm feelings come over me as I paint a closet or a song will play on Pandora she’d listen to for hours. Without a doubt the sin of my uncle-in-law became her and my redeemer at the end.

The strength I forged to live through the shame and blaming of being sexually violated has become the solidarity between my deceased mom and me. I’m glad she came to terms with the part she’d played in the ongoing ostracizing of me among family members. Because in the end her acts of kindness did their best to seek forgiveness. But unbeknown to her, I had forgiven her decades ago. As why she could marvel and take refuge in my strength to live an abundant life. She will forever be missed. Her character was larger than the life she lived.

The Prayers of Black Women: I Just Want To Thank You Lord

Lord thank you for all you’ve done for me!  Yes!  You have kept me and your mercies have been new every morning.

Lord, this morning I’m praying for those that are lonely in spirit, for those that are losing hope, for those that have lost hope, for those that are hungry not only for natural food but spiritual food as well.  I’m praying for those that have been evicted, for those that have lost their homes to foreclosure or short-sale.  I’m praying for those that have lost their jobs or means of financial support.  I’m praying for those that have lost their transportation.  Lord, I’m praying for those that have been victimized by the greed of other’s.  I’m praying for young men and women that feel they are not loved.  I’m praying Lord that you will show the young [and old] your unconditional love.  I’m praying for those that are alcoholics this morning.  I’m praying for the families that have drugged addicted grand-parents, parents, children, and family members.  I’m praying for those that are hooked on drugs.  I’m praying for parents that have lost their children to death.  I’m praying for the grieving husbands and wives that have also lost their spouses to death.  I’m praying for those that are grieving the loss of someone.  I’m praying for those that have been newly divorced and feel void of emotions and can’t see their way clear.  Lord, I’m praying for the seen and unseen needs of those you deeply love.  Lord, I’m asking that you bring comfort to your people.

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten– the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you.  ~Joel 2.25

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette