Day Two: The Misuse of The Word Sorry

Photo credit:  Annette Harrison
Photo credit: Annette Harrison

Today I lost my temper on my husband.  He began yelling back.  He yelling back at me only added fuel to the fire.  But I kept yelling.  And he kept ignoring me after he yelled sorry and then said, “I was only trying to help.”  Normally his words during a heated moment would make right the wrong but this time . . . this time I was fed up with his misuse of the word sorry.

Don’t Judge My Mom

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. — Paul The Apostle


 

My mom Gloria Mae - Photographer:  Unknown
My mom Gloria Mae – Photographer: Unknown

When I was a child between the ages of four and eleven I was very envious of my cousins.  To me they had the cookie cutter mom and the all American home life.

Their mom stayed home.  And since my aunt didn’t work she was able to shower her children with love and guidance.  On the other hand, my mom, her sister, was a working woman.  My mom worked two jobs and she had little to no time for her children.  Therefore, me and my siblings were forsaken the love, understanding, and guidance that came from healthy parenting.

My aunt was a woman that took her role as a mom seriously.  Each of her children had swimming lessons one day and was taken to the library the next day.  She was a mom that made sure dinner was cooked everyday.  She was a mom that afforded her children the luxury to explore the heights of their imaginations.  She was the kind of mom that all children wish they had but seldom got or get.  And even though she was my aunt and a supermom I being her niece was living in parental poverty.

Parental poverty is a doorway that starves the mind from reaching its full life’s potential.  Most times parental poverty emotionally starves children of healthy emotions, as it slowly sends the souls of children into hardship.   It cripples children from learning and hampers childhood dreams.  It cast shadows over the lives of children and makes them question their existence.

And, sadly, my poor mom never realized the full meaning of being a parent.  She never really understood her role as a mom or a single mother.  Therefore, she never figured out she was for a temporary moment the captain of her children’s lives.  In her efforts to provide for her young she failed to see her children were starving for character building nourishment only a parent could give.  And as I grew so did my expectations concerning how my mom should parent me.

I hated my mom for not parenting like her sister.  I so desperately wanted to learn how to swim.  But my mom’s obligation to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table kept her from fulfilling my wishes.  And each time one of my child desires went unmet I began to nurture the love hate emotions I cultivated towards my mom.

I was never easy to get along with.  I hated my parents and with the exception of my aunt Pearl and her children I hated the rest of my mom’s family.   And most of all I hated being black, therefore, I hated my life.  And because my mom lacked experience as a nurturer the demands to shelter and feed became a lethal combination.

My mom had no idea she was killing my spirit when she told others I was retarded.  And hearing her unkind words cut deeply.  But my will to survive was stronger than the words she expressed to others.  My will to succeed was predestined and I knew that!

So when I was a child I made clear to self I was going to be someone special.  I was going to give to myself what my mom never gave to me, and rebuild what her mean-spirited words had torn down.  I was going to show my mom who was retarded!

My mom and me
My mom and me

My long awaited day of exoneration never came the way I thought.  My mom has grown old and is now sickly.  I became a parent that also made mistakes.  And as my mom’s health continues to decline the thoughts of revenge are replaced with compassion.  I no longer seek vindication nor does the thought of it appease my wounded soul.  By realizing my mom did the best she could with the understanding she had my broken heart was healed.  And in acknowledging her deficiency as my mom her overdrawn parental account is paid in full.

 

The Prayer’s of Black Women: Peace For the Tormented Soul

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:  for this is the law and the prophets.  Matthew 7:12

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

Dear Lord:

All week-long I have done nothing but complain about family members.  Sadly in spiritual arrogance I wrote in my journal what this person or that person was doing wrong.  Lord, I pray that you continue to show mercy on my misguided soul.  For in my arrogance I wanted you to severely punish the family I thought did not deserve your grace.  And, Lord, it saddens me to confess:  I never stopped to think beyond my shallow needs of feeling vindicated.  Surly, Lord, a person’s soul salvation is worth more than a temporary feel good statement.

Honestly, Lord, I would be mortified if I read or heard someone asking you to punish me.

So, Lord, please forgive me of my sins.  Help me to walk and speak in the ways of a righteous child of God.  Teach me in my moments of spiritual enlightenment to show your love, kindness, forgiveness and courage to those during weak moments.  Look upon these people and blessed them with new eyes to see their errors as you have done for me.  Give their tormented souls peace so they will do the right things.

Your Loving Daughter,
Annette

The Prayer’s of Black Women: Overcoming Infidelity

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. ~Matthew 19:6

Artist:  Henry Lee Battle
Artist: Henry Lee Battle

Whisper your heavenly love to the wounded soul oh Lord.  Heal broken hearts with your divine touch.

For again someone feels they have fallen short of your glory by not guarding their heart.  Lord replace their sorrow with joy.  Because in all sincerity they thought they were doing what you expected of them as spouses; and as a result of truly trusting their loved ones their hearts were broken by infidelity.

Their spouses silence, without complaint, lead them to believe all was well with the their lives as a couple and as a family.  But as infidelity deeds are and were being uncovered the illusion of perfect relationships and family units are being destroyed.

Lord, please help the victims of infidelity in this delicate moment; as you spiritually work on their companions moral values by cutting away relationship deceptions and replacing spiritual corruption with Fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Strengthen these victims Lord with your words, presence and unconditional love.  Give them the ability to forgive quickly.  As you sustain their marriage with the bonds of holy commitment.  So that both will continue nurturing a lasting matrimony.  Lord quiet inner turmoil of shame, anger, deception, hopelessness, selfishness, disappointment, lack of trust, and the feelings of loss by replacing each emotion with love and understanding.  Amen

Your Loving Daughter ~Annette