Those Who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream by night.
Edgar Allen Poe
In my daydreams I soared high above all the unpleasant memories I wanted to leave behind. Flying meant escape from the surly bonds of earth and reaching up for a glorious place of peace and freedom.
I have few memories of a normal family life. Periodically my parents lived together, and for that short time we were a real family, living in a house as other families do. Dad went off to his carpentry work, Mother to her teaching job, and Wendell and I to school. Weekends we attended church, spent time at the beach, or visited relatives. But all too soon the raised voices and angry accusations began again. And when life became unbearable, I retreated into my dream world. It was so much more pleasant than my real world.
To a child, dreams are more than just animated flights of fancy. They are part hope, part illusion, part pretense, and part prayer. Dreams carry children soaring high above the anguish of their circumstance into a galaxy where anything is possible. Dreams take children to a hallowed place, where all that is conceived can be achieved and where all that is envisioned can be accomplished.
Dreams carry within them hope and healing. The ability to dream is one of the most mysterious and glorious privileges of the human heart. From the time I was a young child, I somehow understood that dreaming was a gift from God. Before I knew God personally, my dreams were my only link to him.
My dreams became for me my lifeline. That’s why to know me, you must know my dreams. to understand me, you must understand something of their place and power in my life.
The Power of a Dream
Today I read something or something’s that changed my life. One of the things that transformed my life was the comparison of a word vs. a statement (overwhelmed or in high demand). After reading the informative post, I choose to stop thinking of my life as being overwhelming and view it as a life in high demand. Once I changed the way I saw things I found myself immediately putting into action a plan to manage projects, household, monies, work, love, delegating responsibilities and etc. Guess what? My spirit is more at ease. I can breathe. I can see sunlight at the end of the tunnel [tears].
The hell I was living was the one I created by default. I love my family. I want them to have stress free lives. Sadly my love for them naïvely forced me to take on everyone’s responsibility; and as a result, my life and I became unimportant. The feeling of less than kept me from being the person I want and wanted to be, and as I helped others reach their goals or make their dreams a reality, my soul kept asking “what about me?” Too busy being a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, niece, and lord only knows what else to everyone else, I ignored the question. Now I sit in midlife crises! No one can help me because the answers are within me.
My wish to move to Europe and study fashion after high school is a dream lost. My wish to live in Paris for my entire life after high school graduation is a dream lost. My wish to be a successful clothing designer is also lost. My wish to stay a virgin until I met the right guy is a regrettable loss. My wish to marry a man as driven as I was and am is without a doubt the biggest lost. I’m not sure how to give myself new dreams, but I can view things differently in a more positive way. I can make changes to a life unsuccessfully lived one change at a time, one day at a time, as I learn to live the life I never wanted!