Yesterday the struggle was real! OMG! I can not believe I was having withdrawals from being on Facebook. Today is a little better but I still have urges to log into my social media account to see what is currently happening in my friends, family, loved ones and the world. But! I’m not going to give into my desire. Instead, I’m committing to cleaning my kitchen and eradicating my emotions from the baggage of others.
As God would have it I was faced with choices concerning my torn relationship with my grand daughter. She sees me as a negative in her life and never a friend or a person that cares deeply for her and her outcome. My truth telling has hurt her beyond her ability to see logic. As a result, she tell private things about me in order to gain some type of satisfaction in shaming me before others. As if shaming me will fix what really ills her soul. Well any who how . . . . She has drawn her line in the sand and set her boundaries. They are loud and clear. I must and will respect them. With that stated, I don’t think she realize once she made her choices her decisions created choices for me.
I wish her well. At the moment their can never be a point return. Sometimes you must cut the cancer out in order for the body to survive.
Yesterday I was in a part of Denver I rarely pass through but my cousin wanted me to go with her to Downing Supermarket [that nasty place].
I’m not sure why my cousin won’t go to a meat market in our area and order smoke neck bones and frozen greens but she doesn’t. I think she likes hanging out from time to time with the roughnecks of the world. Not me.
Well, anywhohow, I was waiting at the meat counter with my cousin for her turn to be helped. As I was standing there my nose was wrinkled at the unappealing meat in the display case. It looked nothing like the meat I purchase at the local supermarkets nor at meat markets. So, yes, inwardly I question it and its origin.
Thinking to self I said “I wouldn’t purchase this meat.” Well my thoughts weren’t savory. Knowing me, I had a few cuss words somewhere in my mental thoughts. But, don’t worry, I’m asking God to help me with my cussing.
Anywho, a pre-teen was bouncing around the customers. Her parents said nothing to her about her early adolescence behavior. So she moved from here to there and then she bounced herself face to face with me and we locked eyes. Our encounter was brief but the eye to eye contact made her uneasy. Unbeknown to me, she conveyed her feelings to her parents.
So minutes later I walked back from an area closest to the meat counter and saw a sign about fresh eggs. I stood reading it.
When I turned back towards the meat counter the little girls dad said, “Hello.” I exchanged what I thought was pleasantries. Not! The next thing I knew the man says, “Why are you looking at my daughter.”
I was truly caught off guard. So I said, I wasn’t looking at your daughter, I was reading that sign but I can look at her if you want me too!”
I guess my response caught the young man off guard as his insulting question initially caught me off mine.
You could tell he wasn’t easy about me being around his daughter but his feeling were fuel by paranoia that is feed by the community within they live. It was clear to see from my behavior his world wasn’t my world.
Until now, I was oblivious to his world. I was passing through and had no plans of returning. So the people within it really never mattered. I thought! But! God works in mysterious ways.
I praise God for keeping me safe because that young hotheaded gang member could have killed me. I praise Him for allowing me to see the need He has prepared me to assist Him in fulfilling. I praise Him for the avenues He’s going to open for me to help His people. I praise Him for just being God! My Heavenly father and redeemer! Amen!
Yesterday, I was very upset. It seems the lies my family have shared with those that would listen were believed. And what came to mind during this brief moment was something I was once told. “Everyone deserves their good name.” That statement holds true for the person that ruined yours. Yet, the part of you that protects and loves you wants to seek revenge despite the truth.
In Humility Matters the author writes:
“An angry reaction is to use words that harm another. Calumny is to speak about another and harm his or her good name. It might be a truthful fact but not necessary for me to promulgate. Slander is to actually speak and promote lies about another and testify false things about another as if they were true. Everyone deserves a good name, and for us to devalue another has an irrevocable and damaging effect on that person’s social well-being. Calumny and slander, however, most harm me because I falsely put myself above the other either in judgment or in vanity. My own being is tarnished. If I do this, I am not to be trusted. If I am not trustworthy, I forfeit the honor of bearing witness.”
And tho my name has been ruined I must find ways to bury old feelings. I must figure out another way to detach from those that ruined my name in the first place. I must finish the task that opened this door of reality of the affects of people ruining my good name; so, I can continue of the path of living a joy filled life.