Everything Else Is An Inconvenience

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem.  Everything else is inconvenience.  ~Robert Fulghum

multiethnic couple talking
Photo by Jack Sparrow on Pexels.com

Yes, this is another unpublished post from 2013.  I read as if I wasn’t the author.  I was surprised about the content.  I had forgotten those feelings concerning my husbands infidelity.  He apologized.  I apologized.  We’re back on track building our life as a couple.     

Yesterday I was speaking to a loved one.  They shared some of their heartaches, disappoints, and the frustration as to how to continue on striving for financial freedoms.  Little did they know I am drowning in life’s problems but I took a moment to pray for them; afterwards, I prayed for them throughout my day.  I asked the Lord to grant peace in their life.  I prayed their mate would appreciate the little things they were doing.  I requested that their child would say I love you just because.  I guess most of all I prayed that the person in sorrow knew someone cared.

Life is funny!  Not a “HeHe HaHa” funny.  But a funny where when you feel everything is going okay then something happens to push you back into a crises.  Or it may seem like you are being pushed into a crises.

My marriage appears to be over.  My friends are giving their advice as to how I should stay in it by saying such as, I should have an affair or affairs with men 20 plus years younger [yikes!] or call it quits.  I know I should not laugh but I am laughing as I write about the end of my once wonderful marriage.  I don’t think we planned, no, I know we didn’t plan to find our marriage in disrepair but it is.  He avoids me.  I feel his avoidance is a way of hoping I will return to the state of catering to his every need (spoken and unspoken).  But I don’t see a way out or even a way to repair our marriage if he is not willing to change.

No I’m not a woman that has made a man feel less than a man.  I have loved my husband with all of my innermost being because he loved me first.  He saw me as a beauty when others had given me up for lost.  As stated, I loved him because he did love me.  He says he doesn’t want a divorce but he doesn’t work at making our “hanging-on by a thread” marriage whole again.

I know I should not discuss my marital problems with friends, family and loved ones, but I have such wonderful people in my life.  I value their opinion.  It doesn’t mean that I will always take their advice but I do respect their suggestions; even the ones that will make me seem and feel like a heel the next morning.  Laughter!  I’m not sure about having an affair but I have entertained the thought.  I have never been unfaithful to any mate and I’m not sure if I could start now, but I tell you I have had some great fantasies that consisted of good looking men. Yeah, baby!  Thank God I have not allow my inward hurts to manifest because I would have given my poor hubby the boot!  Laughter!

And when I speak to male friends about the problems my husband and I are facing I’m told I spoiled him.  Spoiled him!  Unheard of!  At least that is what I thought.  But as I find the energy to live today I am seeing my mistakes as my husband’s friend, lover and wife.  I’m not sure if I want to save this marriage because he is putting up a fight for things to remain the same; but things can’t remain the same because I have changed.  I’m stronger.  I’m wiser and I am self loved.  I’m afraid my husband will wake up and find himself alone again.  He is a nice guy but his unharnessed faults are eroding our relationship.

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