Saturdays Funnies: Don’t Ask

Photo taken from:  http://www.elephantjournal.com/
Photo taken from: http://www.elephantjournal.com/

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.  He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Sanders, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Desmond. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me.  You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.  You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit, paper pusher.  Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Sanders, do you know the defense attorney?”  She again replied, “Why yes, I do.  I’ve known Mr. Cristofaro, since he was youngster, too.  He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.  He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.  Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.  One of them was your wife.  Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, “If either of you fools asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”  —Author Unknown

His Daughter’s Response to: A Message of Hope to His Daughter

Photo credit:  Annette Harrison
Photo credit: Annette Harrison

Today I got a question asking if my husband’s daughter got the email we sent her nearly a week ago.  Yes, she got the email and with her dad’s permission I’m posting her response.

I am not upset at all. Every statement is the truth. I know that about myself. I put unrealistic expectations on Jake. A friend of mine (who likes to counsel me for free) helped me see through the crap that I believe should be true. She helped me realize that I was spoon fed to be totally  dependant on a man and he should take care of your every need. You shouldn’t  have to work and you should be in tons of debt to reach that ‘American dream.’ The exact line is..’you aren’t  a real member of society unless..’ And for so long I have believed that. I am 22 years old and have a monstrous amount of debt because I was told at a young age that that is how you are successful.  No, it makes you stressed arena sick. There are ways to have those great things, like a house or a new car, without being overcome with a great amount of debt. It is called saving. Something Jake and I were never taught and are trying to teach ourselves now. It is very difficult. Because we were taught you weren’t  anyone unless you have tons of material  items. His  step-dad is very materialistic. His mom isn’t  but his step-dad, just like my mother, make you feel terrible  about your accomplishments if they aren’t  to their standards. I am working on my attitude everyday. Every morning  I wake up and I think of something I am thankful for. I may not like my job but my coworke just gave me all of her Thursdays and my Fridays back. That means 30 hours a week instead of 10. And that means I will also quality  for insurance  through the union. I may hate getting up early but it keeps a roof over my head, it keeps food in my cabinets and so that I am able to buy Layla’s  meds. I am working on not being too hard on Jake. That one is really  hard because he isn’t great at staying on top of important  things. And when he doesn’t  stay on top of it it makes me feel like he has not been truthful with me. So many times in the past he has not been. We are working on it and d everyday is a new day.

I love you!

Quote for Today: The Difference Between a Pessimist and Optimist

Photo credit:  Internet
Photo credit: Internet

 

 

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities, and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.  —US 33 President Harry Truman